Any funny quotes?

Question

Today I saw a boy I went to high school with, it was my first time seeing him in over a year, we exchanged hellos and he said..

"How are you? I noticed you changed everything on your Myspace."

I tried not to laugh...

does anyone have any funny quotes or stories they would like to share?

Answer 1

www.thinkexist.com

great quote site.

Answer 2

if at first you don't succeed.................................... try skydiving!!!

Answer 3

I got ask this by a stanger:

Stranger: Are those Contacts

Me: No

Stranger: Are those your Real Eyes.

Answer 4

"there is no cars in Oklahoma!"

-Joe Jonas.

if ur not a jonas fan u wont get it but if u are you should.

Answer 5

-The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

-It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

-Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

-Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

Answer 6

"Magneto- Making Jews look bad-*** since 1940" lol that was a sig on IMDb.

Lauren: Is she asleep?

Kay: No, she's still breathing.

Then there's always Demetri Martin:

"If you wanna sound like a creep just add “ladies” to the end of everything you say. “Hey, how’s it going…ladies?” “Help! I’ve fallen down a well! ...ladies. It’s like a really tall jacuzzi.”

Answer 7

Okay, one of my favorite quotes is when Dorothy Parker was giving a talk, and she was asked to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence, and without the slightest hesitation,  Miss Parker replied brightly, "You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think!"

You are very welcome.

Answer 8

Lenny Bruce once said, "If a woman likes you, you can p**s in the sink and she will still like you...and if she really doesn't like you, you can buy her a mink coat or a Cadillac, and she still won't like you."

Answer 9

well my old PE teacher used to say  GET  SKINNY  when we  were blocking the hall  or there is ANKLE SOCKS ARE A HEALTH HAZARD

Answer 10

dont drink water, fish have s*x in it