Any good jokes?.........?

Question

Any good jokes?.........?

Answer 1

Far away in the Caribbean, two prawns were?

swimming in the sea, one called Justin and the other called

Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and

threatened by sharks in the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a

prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries

about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted."

Low and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten

by his old mate. Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin

found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply

swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize

that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he

thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a

prawn. He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and,

low and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his

friends and bought them all a cocktail . Looking around the

gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.

"Where's Christian?" he asked.

"He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides

to the enemy & became a shark," came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and

torture, He set off to Christian's . As he opened the coral

gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and

shouted: "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me

again."

Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark,

the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."

Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've

changed........."

(You're going to love this.....)

(Scroll Down...)

"I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again Christian."  

Answer 2

Bob and Rob turned in their quizzes at the same time. When they got their quizzes back ,they both got 14 out of 15 answers right. Their teacher talked to them afterward.

Teacher: You both missed number 15, but Bob is going to pass the quiz, Rob will have to stay behind.

Rob: But if we both missed the same question, why are you passing him?

Teacher: Because he answered the question "I don't know" and you answered it "Neither do I."

Craig: I don't think my teacher likes me.

Jimmy: Why do you say that?

Craig: During fire drills he tells me to stay seated.

Teacher: Luke, were you copying the answer from your neighbour's paper?

Luke: No, just checking if she had mine right.

Zachary dawdled on his way to school. "Hurry up!"said his mum. "You'll be late!"

"What's the rush?" Zachary asked. "They're open 'till 3:30."

Teacher: I was very pleased to give you an 85 on the test.

Student: Why don't you give me 100 and really enjoy yourself?

Bobby: I can't figure out this math problem.

Teacher: Really? Any 5 year old should get it.

Bobby: No wonder---- I'm nine.

Answer 3

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Greg Bulmash

s*x: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb s**y blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries

Answer 4

The blonde and the fire

A blonde is babysitting a house that she's unfamiliar with. She tries to cook the kid food and catches the house on fire. The blonde quickly calls 911 "Help, help, the house is on fire. Get here quick!" Before she hung up the dispatcher relies "Wait! how do we get there?" The blonde replies "In a big red truck, Duh!