Any good riddles or jokes?!?!?

Question

Does anyone have any good/hard riddles or jokes?!?!

nothing stupid or nothing rlly confusing with a lot of math please.

and if you know the answers please include it

~thanks (=

Answer 1

WOW. Ok this is gonna be REALLY hard and VERY confusing, took me 5 months to solve it!!!!

1) There was a group. We invited them to their house. When they reached the house something weird happened. The house escaped from the windows yet the group was still trapped within the windows. Who does this group represent?

Answer: below

Fish. They are invited into their house (water). The house (water) escaped from the windows (net holes), They are trapped in the windows (net holes).

Answer 2

try this

A father and son snake are out for a nice afternoon slither.

The son asks, "Dad is we poisonous snakes?"

The father replies proudly, "Yes son, we are rattler snakes! Why do you ask son?"

"Because DAD, I just bit my tongue!!"

joke2

A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (a 100-legged bug) that came in a little white box which served as the bug's house.

He took his purchase home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time." But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.

So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "HEY IN THERE! WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO CHURCH WITH ME AND LEARN ABOUT THE LORD?"

(YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS!)

And a little voice came out of the box.........

"I heard you the first time.......I'm putting on my shoes!"

Answer 3

Here's a math riddle my teacher asked me:

where does twelve divided into half equal 7?

In rome...(if you divide XII into half horizontally, you get VII)

Answer 4

Read these

The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased.

A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the town's people sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting... "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and the watch fell to the floor...

"****" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.

And here's the other one

A small thin man answered an advertisement for a night watchman in a factory. The manager looked him over from head to toe and told him, “What we need is an indefatigable person with excellent hearing who is altered by the slightest sound. We need a person who is sharp, intrepid and unflinching who, on the slightest suspicion, turns into a demon.”

“Fine,” said the man. “I’ll go get my wife.”

Answer 5

Here's a goodun

Irish they were and drunk for sure and they sat in the comer of Mulligan's newly refurbished bar. Across the wall opposite was a huge mirror, fourteen feet long and stretching from floor to ceiling.

Glancing around the room Pat suddenly spotted their reflection in the mirror.

'Mick, Mick,' he whispered. 'Don't look now but there's two fellas over there the image of us!'

'In the name of God,' said Mick, spotting the reflection. 'They're wearing identical clothes and everything.'

'That does it,' said Pat. 'I'm going to buy them a drink.'

But as Pat started to rise from his seat, Mick said, 'Sit down Pat one of them's coming over!'