Any ideas on how to better prepare my wife?

Question

I am scheduled to deploy about two months BEFORE my wife is due to deliver our second child. I missed our daughters birth and I didn't get home to meet our first daughter until she was 10 months old. When I return home from my upcoming deployment, our second child (another daughter!) will be 10 months old also. How can I help prepare my wife for handling another birth without me?

Answer 1

you cant.but your wife must understand that you stand for a Giant purpose, and if your daughter is to be born without you there, it is because you are helping to ensure that she can live the life promised to her in our beloved Constitution. I respect you for your noble decision and so will your daughter when she is old enough to understand. There are some things we sacrifice when we volunteer in our nations military. This, as big as it is, happens to be one of them. Good luck soldier. OORAH

Answer 2

Tell her as much as you would love to be there with her, as much as you don't want to leave her alone -  you must go and there's nothing you can do. However you are willing to give your 200% during the time left, ask her what would she like. Maybe a week long holiday or something.  

Answer 3

wow that must be really tough for the both of you.  well since she has been through it before and is going to do it again, then there is nobody that can prepare her then herself.

but of course u can support her till u deploy and share all her concerns now.  congrads by the way.

Answer 4

i am married to a navy ma and when our son was born he was not there. it was the worst feeling to deliver a child into the world without him. i was really sick through the whole thing. i was all alone and hated it. i dont think there is a way to prepare her for it. just talk to her and let her know u hate the idea of being away again. i dont know where u r or where u r going but if u can keep in contact with her when ur gone that helps. also i was lucky too have my mother there when my son was born. maybe u can see if someone close to her can be there for the experience. a close friend or family member. so she is not alone. also there might be a way u can take leave around the time the baby is due. and some doctors will induce labor. but i would not tell her u would try to be there incase u cant.

Answer 5

(I know that it is long, but it can truly help.)

Hey. I'm a 14 year old and my dad is going to the Middle East for the 4th time. So, I know how much it sucks when a father or husband leaves. I understand that you won't be able to call that much. But, when my dad leaves, he emails and sometimes writes. I am so glad when the bell rings because that means that I can go home and open an email from my dad. You have no idea how happy that makes me. Additionally, he sent me a birthday card and letters to just say "Hi." It doesn't matter how much you write, we know you can't do much, but the thought counts deeply. Also, try to leave her with something. For instance, the last time that my dad left, we went to see the plane leave and from when they were boarding to when they toke off, there was this light. Someone on the plane brought a flashlight with them and flashed the light out the window. It was so magical. Everyone was there and they are awed and cheered and made sure that everybody  else saw. They said things like, "Look! There's a light," "I wonder who it was," and "Over there!' We looked around and made sure that everyone saw. Then, it flashed and went in circles as to say, "I'm alive" and "I'm here." It really lighten the atmosphere and we would squint and try to be the first one to see the light come back on. And we saw it until the plane straighten in the air and the windows weren't visible, but we all left with a grin on our face and a lightness in our hearts. So, if you like it, you could do that, and tell her that every time she goes out to see the moon, it is you shining your flashlight. Or, you can put a note in the place she would look when she is weak. You have probably heard of the show ArmyWives. I have watched only 2 esposides because I have to record it and watch it when my mom and sister are out of the house, but they could see what I record so I have to be extra sneaky. Plus, they saw that I had one of the two recorded, and I don't want that to happen again. But, in one of them, one of the husbands had to leave and he left a tape in her pink robe. Supposedly, when she was lonely or sad she would turn to the robe and take in its warmth. And her husband left a tape in the pocket saying that if she had put the robe on, it had been long enough. So, if she turns to chocolate and she hides the chocolate in a cabinet, then you could buy a box of chocolates and hide it in the back. So when she finishes and has been through enough she will be able to read your note, or tape, and eat something you personally gave to her. Finally, what you asked for, prepare her by making sure that she is safe. My dad was gone when Hurricane Katrina and Wilma hit. We were left to board the house and find matches and gas and,well, everything. Make her keep a flashlight, a cord phone, and a glass of water by her bed. Also get one of your relatives or friends to be responsible for taking her to the hositpal. Additionally, arrange for someone you trust to sleep at your house while she is in her last weeks. And remember, just because you are out of sight doesn't mean you have to be out of mind. Oh, this is the last thing, if you really want to go out there, get her a promise ring. (Depending on your wife, certain people might take this as a sign that you won't come back.) And promise her that you will always be there for her and to kept strong. (The ring doesn't have to be fancy or anything. I got a promise ring off the Internet. It was a band of silver with stars and moons craved into it. I liked mine to be simple and real so that it doesn't turn my finger green and I can sleep, cook, sew, and do everything with it.)

P.S.

When you are over there, be careful and always think about what you are doing. (She needs you to come back.)

May the best of luck go out toward you and your family.

Answer 6

three words...letters from home

Answer 7

U should go !

Answer 8

For one, be honest with her. As soon as possible. She's been through it once, she'll be okay. I'm sure she's a very strong woman to be married to a soldier. But honestly will be the best way to handle the situation.

I'm sure she'll realize the good behind it.

But mostly, it shouldn't matter how she'll react. You should be there for her, and by letting her know as soon as possible, you're guaranteeing yourself that you'll be there for her, by her side the maximum amount of the time possible.

Answer 9

though this isnt answering your question, i just want you to know how much i greatly appreciate all your doing for our country. it kills me to read how much you guys really go through, not only when your overseas, but when your here, dealing with how your supposed to just leave your families. my ex is serving in iraq right now, hes been there for a little over a month now, and i dont know how i would be able to handle it if we had a child together. i really dont think theres any way to really prepare your wife for what shes going to go through, just remind her that there are plenty of army wives who im sure would be more than happy to help her through what shes going to have to endure alone. once again, thank you for all you've done, its greatly appreciated, and thank you for your post on my question also. i'll pray that you and your family get through this deployment as best as possible <3

Answer 10

Hey brother, I feel ya. I just got back from Mosul, Iraq. and 2 months after I deployed my wife had our first son, in December. Nothing like your deal and it makes it hard since she doesn't have any family there. Just do not push your self away from here just before you deploy. some soldiers have a tendency to do that to make it easier to leave. And you do not have to explain to here how hard it is on you, and how much it hurts you to be going Through this. Just be strong Brother. and If you will, or are interested in giving me your email address I will have my wife respond to. And my wife would love to correspond with her and be there to help her as a friend...........