Any ideas to improve my poem ?

Question

"A lion was healed by a lady,

They meet at zoo six years laterly,

It hugs and kisses her immediately,

Everyone is shocked surprisingly.

Love beginning virtuously,

Shall never fade from memory,

That love's beyond imaginary,

Forever and eternity."

Answer 1

the whole peom dont sound good at all..no offense.. i suggest that you make a poem which is not poem so you would have wide range of choices for words...i would also suggest dat make the syllables in every lines the same so it would sound better..

Answer 2

Hey MB,

I respect the concept of what your trying to achieve here, is there a specific reason that the poem has to end in y every time?

The second verse runs better than the first.

I would probably change the third line to read

"That Loves beyond the Ordinary" as it flow better with the rest of the feel.

In the first verse I don't like the second line at all, it does fit well and it stilts the poems Rythm.  That should be reworked.  It also think that you should change the It Hug to he/she hugs as it is more personal???

Just my thoughts!

Answer 3

ypu could ask this in the poetry section?