Any internationally adopted adults have guidance for Adoptive Parents?

Question

I am wondering if there are any Internationally adopted adults available to offer general guidance for my family.

We adopted internationally and transracially. It is obvious that we are an adoptive family because of the difference in our skin tone, hair etc. but we do talk about adoption with our children so they will just know instead of painfully realize one day when they are older.

Do you have any advice to offer our family? What helped you? What hurt you or made things difficult?

Thank you in advance for any guidance.

Answer 1

First of all, kudos to you for adopting!  Where did you adopt from?  My husband and I have looked into adopting from Guatemala several times!  

I don't have much input as I have not adopted, but there is a great website www.forums.adoption.com

Answer 2

Hi there!  I'm also an adoptive mom who adopted transracially and transculturally.  I suggest reading "Are these Kids Yours?" by Sheri Register.  It has a lot of good insight to these issues.  I applaud you for seeking out the best for your children, but I would be careful asking adoptees to kind of be "spokespeople" for how adoptees feel.  I think we often want to reassure ourselves by getting adoptees opinions, and often times they feel like they have to be a "poster child" for adoption, which isn't fair.  

Enjoy your kids, talk to them as you already are, love them, LISTEN to them (as their feelings will be individual), and be understanding and supportive.

Answer 3

I am adopted, it was not out of the country though. I can honestly say a family is a family regardless of racial differences. Good for you for adopting! It is a nice experience for sure! The only advice really I would say is to be honest with the child you adopt and let them know they are adopted, and be supportive should one day they wish to explore their background and search for their roots and birth family. This was something my adoptive parents failed to do and caused issues. So just be honest and open about the whole process. Good Luck and congrats!

Answer 4

i am African American and Hispanic and my adoptive mom is African American and my adoptive brother is Ukrainian and we turn out just fine we are the most diverst family i ever meet and we know how to love just be truthful and every thing will be OK

Answer 5

hi. i am 18 years old.

i was adopted from holt international.

i am from korea.

my parents are white...

i am not going to lie. there were times growing up where i felt really displaced. like i didnt belong. it was hard. and i never shared those feelings with my parents because i didnt want to hurt them because they love me so much.

there will come a day...when your child gets older. and they ask about their birth family.

i am not going to lie. it will hurt.

i can still see the look on my mothers face...

they might feel like they were given up because they are worthless...

the best thing you can do is reassure them that they are priceless. that they are love so much. reassure them that you love them as much as your biological children.

because let me tell you.

it was hard.

it is a bumpy road.

but in the end it all works out...

feel free to email me if you got ne other questions...

[e-mail]

Answer 6

I am an adopted adult.  I was born in Korea but adopted by a white family and have had a wonderful life.  The best advice I can give you is to never let it be a secret or act like it's something to be ashamed of.  The child will obviously know he or she doesn't look like you.  You have far less to worry about in terms of reaction than people who adopt a child who look similar to them then tell the child later.  I grew up ALWAYS knowing I was adopted.  For one, it was pretty obvious but for another, my parents made a point to explain it to me early on.  My mom would say "God just dropped you off in another lady's tummy but he always meant for you to be a part of our family."  She even wrote a children's book explaining how they decided to adopt me.  That was before they had those nifty children's books explaining adoption.  My mom is so creative - an English teacher - go figure! :)  If you ever act like you're in any way ashamed of your child, he or she will pick up on that.  Also, don't try to OVER compensate either.  If you have biological children, don't treat your adopted child any differently.  Don't make a big deal of it.  The more you talk about it and make a big deal of it, the more your child is going to think something is wrong with him or her.  Just love your child, be thankful, have fun, and treat him or her just as you would any other child.