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Any opinions/help on the novel I'm writing? I'm 13.?

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Hey, my name's Ariane, I'm 13 and I live in Adelaide, Australia.

I've been working on a novel for a quite a while in my spare time, just out of boredom. I've started quite a few beginnings (some even up to 10,000+ words), taken heaps and heaps of notes in my ring-binder that I carry around everywhere, but I'm having a bit of trouble.

Recently I was on holiday in the South of France and was inspired to write (the place is beautiful!). I mapped out all my characters, the plot (but not quite the resolution), the setting, where I want it to begin and so on and so forth. I just don't know what to do.

I've started it, edited it, changed the beginning MILLIONS of times but I just can't get happy. I've tried writing the first chapter then going back and doing the prologue/opening paragraph, but... ugh.

I'll give you a brief overview:

It's an old-fashioned-styled adventure/comic fantasy: a mixture of Lewis Carroll, J.M. Barrie and Enid Blyton. (Maybe even a bit of Lemony Snicket!). It's meant to be very light-hearted and cheerful, filled with many sorts of creatures such as Whirfidgets, Karden Knomes, Berserker Boggarts and Beaming Flutterchumps (you'll find out about them later on). Three children, who live in a sort of orphanage-slash-boarding school (I promise it's not as cliche as it sounds!) decide to explore the old boarding house's hidden corners when they're stuck inside due to the strange change of weather. In the garrett on the seventh floor, they come across many beautiful, ornate antiques: old gramophones, a chaise lounge, mirrors and hairpins and dusty Venetian masks... you know the sort. But then one of them finds an intricately-carved table lamp which has just one strange oddity about it: it's got wings. (Sounds ridiculous, I know.) Known as a Beaming Flutterchump, the lamp takes them to Magnificious, Realm of the Sortilege (think The Wishing Chair by Enid Blyton), where they come across many peculiar creatures and places. The kingdom is under threat of the Badger Repression - living in the Hildegarde Noir, Adonis Badger is trying to rid the land of humanlings (aka children). A resistance group (The Huggermugger Coterie) send the children on the almighty quest of relinquishing the villain (I haven't completely mapped it out yet...) and the villain's wife, Ursuline, is really the puppeteer behind the marionette, if you know what I mean. Anyway, there are a lot of tricky challenges and places they stop along the way... Scurvy Shwashbucklers, who sail a ship called the Descietful Corsair, and lure animals and people onto their ship so they can feed on their innards... Scabblers, which are members of the SCAB (Society of the Celebrated Adonis Badger)... and a lot of exciting things happen.

It still needs a lot of work.

Here's a bit of an excerpt of what I've got as Ch 1 so far (be prepared for a long read!):

"Tuesday Pepper was a relatively normal thirteen-year-old, with an even amount of limbs and the type of imagination only a child could have, but there was simply something missing. Fortunately, it wasn’t her shadow. She had checked twice already – and besides, being the adventurous sort of person that she was, Tuesday would have been delighted if her shadow had gone astray simply for the fun of having to find it again.

She most certainly hadn’t lost her mind. Although her school teachers were quite often debating whether or not her eccentricity was a good thing, Tuesday was also very clever. She could count to cent soixante-quatre in French and knew the exact spelling for the word Mesopotamia (even though most of the other children in her class, including snotty Florence Biggleton, didn’t).

In actual fact, what dear Tuesday was missing was probably the most horrific thing a child could lose. It was her two parents.

Mr and Mrs Pepper had been skilled cryptozoologists (which is just a fancy term here for someone who searches for creatures that are probably not real and probably do not exist), but had regrettably disappeared when young Tuesday had been just the carefree age of two. They’d been on one of their peculiar expeditions in a place she had never been quite sure the name of.

If you’re as determined an adventure as young Tuesday Pepper was, you’ll know this can be quite a bother – but regardless of this niggling lack of fact, Tuesday had sworn to herself that, one day, she would find them.

After the terrible news of her parents’ disappearance had returned, baby Tuesday had been planted into the home of her incurably-snotty aunt and uncle, Mr and Mrs Mulch, both of whom wouldn’t dare venture within three feet of something diagnosed ‘unsanitary’ let alone a dirty nappy. In turn they placed her in the care of their Scandinavian housekeeper, Astrid. And, as you might expect, Tuesday didn’t grow to love the toffee-nosed old couple – who had decided that they would personally illegalise paprika because it was ‘much too orange’ – but their sixty-eight-year-old, heavily-accen

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7 ANSWERS


  1. Is it just me, or do all 13 year olds seem to be writing novels?

    Just kidding. This is great, actually. The plot sounds a bit confusing, but I'm sure it makes a lot more sense when it's been written out. I really don't think that you need to change anything other than a couple of grammatical errors. I would definitely read this book!


  2. Hi, I hope you don't mind if I write this in a sort of stream of consciousness... I'm too tired to really organize my thoughts, but this story does deserve some feedback.  So, first of all, I liked it.  It's quirky, and the reference to Peter Pan at the beginning is cute.  If you want, you could develop that even more to poke additional fun at Barrie, and it would probably still be in good taste.

    At some point, you should probably decide on what persona your narrator is going to have, as it seems like that's going to influence where this story is going and what its supposed point is.  Right now, the narrator's tone is sort of grandmotherly and refined, from the gentle way she refers to Tuesday and the heavy use of (unqualified) adjectives and telling.  However, a couple of things so far aren't consistent with that persona... the biggest question about the plot I have is what exactly happened to the parents, and if this is a tale a grandmother type is retelling, why wouldn't she know?  This narrator would also probably know the name of the place they were in, even if Tuesday doesn't (unless she's maybe an older Tuesday, etc., etc.)

    Um... so yeah, you have a lot of potential so please keep going.  As for why so many 13-year-olds are writing novels, I'm not sure, but I would guess that part of it might be because not all of them are 13*.

  3. i think it's really really good! i would totally read this story.

  4. I WOULD LOVE TO READ THIS

  5. That's bloody fantastic!!! You've nailed it and it makes you want to keep on reading (and I never got past page three of Harry Potter).

    If you don't mind I'll give you a few tips...

    Firstly might I suggest changing it to present tense. The sentence structures read that way anyway and it can give it an extra sense of immediacy.

    Secondly do not, and I repeat DO NOT go back and re-write this material. When you are writing this well you need to keep on going and then come back WHEN YOU'VE FINISHED and re-write what needs changing. I suffer terribly from this sickness. I've started books twenty or thirty times but never got past the first chapter until I realised I was looking for perfection at the start of the process, rather than at the end. That's what re-writes are for, and given how good this start is I would suggest that you quite possibly will be getting paid to do the re-write, so leave it until then.

    Thirdly, most books these days are only read by publishers either on the back of their first chapters or on their "Outline", you submit that and then they tell you whether to keep going or not. As you are young you may have to finish this novel first as they won't want to take the risk, but either way they won't read it without looking at your outline, and just at the moment your outline sucks!!! It makes it sound like every other tales of Narnia/wiching chair etc etc etc book on the market, and whole pile that aren't. I didn't want to read the excerpt and actually wasn't going to, but I did and that's where the magic is, but a publishers' reader won't go that far, so work on that outline.

    Good luck, we'll see you in print.

    P.S. That young adult market is HUGE

  6. You're doing fine. Keep your butt on the seat and your fingers flailing upon the keyboard.

    Writing is pretty much like heavy construction work, except it happens in your head.

    My best to you. Keep up the fine work.


  7. Oh my goodness, I was so prepared to write as an answer 'don't, all 13 year olds are writing novels, wait for your style to get better, blah blah'

    But I adore it! It's so original, and the names of the objects are hilarious (Beaming Flutterchump? Your mind is a marvel, dear!)

    'She could count to cent soixante-quatre in French' is my favourite line, it's so humorous and intelligent and gives an insight into the character of Tuesday, please continue writing this as I think it has immense potential, probably aimed at the young teenager/older child age-group, I'm guessing. You are very talented indeed, and I am very jealous.

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