Any other adoptees wish they had been aborted?

Question

I do. For me, no life would have been better than a life full of pain like mine is.

My first mother told me that she would have aborted me had abortion been legal when she got pregnant with me. Is it possible that I shouldn't have been born at all?

Answer 1

It sounds like she never deserved to have you anyway.

Answer 2

my first mother said the same thing to me.

i am relatively verrrrry happy, so i'm glad i'm here, but i would certainly never wish adoption on anyone.  it's very cruel.

i'm glad you are here, pc:)

Answer 3

No I personnel never have wished I had been aborted in fact I’m gratefully for life. However I do sometimes wonder what my purpose is meant to be in this life. I have not found it yet but I have faith that one day I will know exactly why I was placed here.

I am one that believes everything happens for a reason. So I personnel feel if someone was meant to be aborted it would have happened.  I also feel everyone has a purpose in live now sometimes one  might not know that purpose for a very long time.  I think eventually some people will discover why they are here, that there is a purpose for them being born and living.  Even for those who may never come to fully understand why they are here, i still believe they have some purpose for being here.

Perhaps you should considered keeping a notebook Problem Child just write down all your feelings even more if you feel you can’t discuss them in the RL. You might also consider finding an adoption support meetup group. I am also sorry that your natural mother said that too you that must have been very harsh to hear. Although some would say at least she was honest , I guess in some cases ingnorance is bliss.  

Happy Birthday.

Answer 4

Problem Child,

I truly believe that everyone has a purpose in life - whether or not we know that purpose.  Those of us here in Y!A are blessed to have your input and thoughts on questions.  You may not "know" or understand your purpose, but perhaps part of it is that we are all better for knowing you thru Y!A.  Anytime anyone shares their innermost feelings in an attempt to help others, is special.  

So, YES you should have been born.  We are happy you were born, and PLEASE let us know that you are okay.  Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Answer 5

Why is your life full of pain?  Were your adoptive parents not good to you?

If so, I just want to share with you that life is not always good in one's birth family, either.  There are many people who grow up in families - both bio and adoptive - who are dysfunctional, abusive, and/or unloving.   They are able to rise above their past, and achieve happiness in the end.

No!  It is NOT possible that you shouldn't have been born at all.  Your life has meaning and worth, and you need to find it.   I recommend, first of all, that you get some counseling to help you find strategies to deal with your pain and let go of your past.

Then, I suggest that you take up an activity that makes you realize how much worth you really DO have in this world.  Do some volunteer work at a homeless shelter, or visit senior citizens in nursing homes who have no family.   Create your OWN family by developing a network of faithful, devoted friends.   Get a kitten or a puppy.....animals are amazingly therapeutic when you are not feeling the way you should about yourself.

And remember most of all, you ARE meant to be here, and you WILL find the reason why!

Answer 6

Believe me, this is just a phase of ur life... u were born for a reason. U r meant to live and to see life. :)

If u need someone to talk to, u can always send me an email.

God loves you, kiddo. :)

Answer 7

I am not an adoptee, but an adoptor, I have three wonderful children that I have adopted. I know for a fact there is a purpose for your adoption, you might not know right now what it is but God has something Great instore for your life. You are where you at for a reason, just like my children. Sending a prayer your way..

Answer 8

(((((((((((((((((PC))))))))))))))))

Get off here and return to AAAFC immediately.

This place can be very harmful to the soul - especially when all you need to validation & love.

I'm thinking of you.

I'm so sad of what you've been through - I too have felt this way in my life.

I do know that my life would not have been the same if you weren't in it.

Sending you loads of hugz my friend.

Poss. x*x

(insert my usual smilie right here!!)

Answer 9

I do. Not all the time but sometimes. I too feel like I am nothing but a problem, the constant thorn in everyone's side. I hate it.

I don't think you shouldn't have been born, I think you are a wonderful, caring person and I am very glad to know you. Maybe your purpose in life was to be "our" friend because you are freaking awesome at doing that!

Answer 10

I am sorry you are hurting today, birthdays can be rough on anyone with abandonment issues. I am so sorry that your feeling like you would have been better off aborted. I am sorry that some people care more about causes than people. I hope that you get of here and if possible treat yourself to a wonderful birthday. You deserve it.  Today is not a day for fighting over this, go out and enjoy today, this will all keep till tomorrow. Your in my thoughts and prayers.

Answer 11

I'm sorry.

My birthday wish for you

a hug from someone who loves you

a glimmer of peace in the midst of sadness

a listening ear from someone who cares

realization that there are those whose lives would not be the same without you.  I hope on this birthday, these people will tell you how much you have meant to them.

Answer 12

I am so sorry to hear that you wish that you had been aborted instead of adopted.  Believe you me, I understand that you have had pain- but I can tell you biological children have pain as well- including my husband- who had a tough upbringing- however he is thankful that his mom gave him life.  I have  a feeling that your first mom is part of the reason you wish you had been aborted- because she has placed in your heart her desire for that- NO MOTHER, BIRTH MOM OR ADOPTED MOM SHOULD EVER TELL A CHILD THAT.  I am not negating your pain- but each of us have a purpose if we are given life- it you want to talk more please email me, if you can.

Answer 13

How awful some of the responses.  I cannot imagine nor will I try to know how you feel.  I would encourage you though to find someone in person to talk to about this, someone close a friend or something.  

Many people are thinking of you and hoping you are doing okay.  Take care.

Answer 14

We're always recovering from something--all of us. Just because you were adopted and you're in pain doesn't mean you aren't wanted or loved. I was adopted. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and find a new hobby--one that doesn't include talking about your adoption all the time. You'll feel better.

Answer 15

It really makes my head hurt that I have so far not seen ONE SINGLE RESPONSE in which someone isn't telling you that your pain isn't ok, valid, get over it, move on, suck it up you ungrateful little b*****d.  Doesn't anyone else want to vomit all over these people?

Just FYI, I know your intentions are good, but that's exactly what you all sound like to a person in pain.

Problem Child, your pain is REAL, I understand, it makes sense, I wish I could hug it away, I wish there were a way that someone else could ease your pain...but no one can.  I value your life.  I love your spirit, your essence, your spunky attitude.  You are perfect, wonderful, wanted, and loved exactly as you are.  I WISH that I could say something better than that!  I WISH I had a magic pill, spell, potion, power, SOMETHING that would make this go away for you.

But most of all, I wish I could bop these IDIOTS over the head.  I am seriously crying right now.  These responses are horrible.

Answer 16

Sometimes I do wish it, and this feeling is always much, much worse around my birthday.

I know my first mother's life would have been much better had I never been born, and I often don't think I've accomplished enough or even lived enough to really justify my existence.  But true or not, I'm sorry your first mother chose to tell you she would have aborted.  It wasn't very thoughtful of your feelings.  

I know I'm glad you were born.

Answer 17

No matter what you are going through in your life, you should never wish that you were aborted or dead. Because life is not a bundle of roses and we all have to meet hard times in our life sooner or later and it better to deal with them sooner. Just be thankful for what you have and who you are. Some people in different parts of the world have life harder than you do. We all have a purpose on this earth and soon for now you will see your purpose. If you ever felt like there's no one in this world that loves you always remember that God loves you!!!

Answer 18

Discard what that woman said, you are here, you have a reason to be here.  She's pretty much putting the blame of her situation on you because she is not woman enough to say it was her fault.  Sometimes you have to listen and then just let it go...some people are just ignorant.

If you woldn't have been born...who knows what my life was going to be like!  Everyone is like a stone thrown to a river, we make ripples that change everyones life...ripples that change the universe...

I'm sure glad you are here...keep that chin up!

Blessings!

Answer 19

Hun, OF COURSE you should have been born.

But it is okay to doubt yourself, lots of people do sometimes.

dont worry before you know it your life will turn around, I know mine did.

Best of luck

Answer 20

I don't think your pain is only linked from the fact that you were adopted.  A lot of teens have these same feelings even if they are not adopted.  I came from a religious home where my mother stayed home with me, my parent's worked in the church and everything seemed perfect from the outside looking in.  I always felt like my sister got all the attention and I was an outcast.  I feel like I was some how mixed up at birth and ended up with the wrong family.  When I did express my feelings of wanting a closer relationship with my parents, I felt like they were then only being nice out of guilt.  So now I have learned to bottle it all in so not to hurt anyone else's feelings.  I constantly feel like I just want to scream.  My parents tried for 7 years to have a child and then had me.  I was wanted but I too wonder why I am here on earth and what is the purpose?

Answer 21

You don't say why your life is so painful...I am sorry

My niece just found out she is 8 months pregnant!  She is young/unmarried/broke and already has a two year old is struggling with.  She has decided to give this baby to a close family friend[couple]. They are devoted to each other, the son they have and this new baby girl.

The adoptive parents consider this the greatest blessing [they are actually calling this baby a miracle]of their life!

Their are so many people that can't have children with so much to share.

....I am sure there are many if your life who consider you a miracle too!

Answer 22

i was not adopted but i thought i was for a real long time but that does not mean u r not wanted ,u were born 4 a purpose and u r not alone either

Answer 23

My best friend's mother used to say that to her.  She told her she  threw herself off her back deck to try to cause a miscarriage, but it didn't work and she was stuck.  Her mom had two older daughters that she loved, but she seemed to hate my friend, her youngest by ten years.

I don't know about your family, but with my friend's family, it turns out they all have a history of clinical depression. The mom never did seek help, hasn't changed any, and my friend doesn't speak to her any more.  Realizing that her mom had a problem that had nothing to do with her really helped my friend get past the pain.

My friend and her two older sisters (the ones who were loved) have all sought counselling & are taking medication for depression.  

I don't think it's probable that you shouldn't have been born at all. I think it's possible that you were handicapped by having a mother with problems.

Answer 24

Hi PC,

I have felt that way before.  I haven't for a long time, but I know how very real and horrible it is to feel that way.  It's tough dealing with this stuff.   It's very real.  

Come on over to AAAFC for a while, eh?

Answer 25

Pray to God. That is all I can tell you. I will pray for you tonight.

Happy Birthday!

Answer 26

Your first mother should never have told you that! Please don't make her problems your own.  You are a worthy human being. Please get help for your pain and depression.

ETA: I never said that her pain isn't valid! But that doesn't mean she should never get help and should just live in pain for the rest of her life!

Answer 27

Of course not! My dad was adopted, and had the same situation as you. His mom was 17 when she got pregnant. And almost aborted. But my dad's adopted family loves him so much. And your parents aren't the people that gave birth to you. They're the people that love and take care of you. And FYI, everyone goes through a phase in their life where they feel like you, weather or not they were adopted. Go and make a new springs resolution list, that you can live up too. I promise when you succeed at it, you will feel a lot better.

Answer 28

Whatever doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger!  Keep your head up!!!!

Answer 29

Um.. go get prof help. Lots of people get **** on, decide your better than the ones that do it to you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it.

Answer 30

remember, no matter hwo bad u have got it someone else is far worse off than u, my friends dad is a crack addict and smokes weed. his mom is a drunk who one night told him that he was a mistake. im not saying to suck it up, im just saying that there is always something good in your life. you need to be more possitive! i hope u find happiness. email me if you want

Answer 31

I have been there and finally after 25 years I realized it was a phase I had to deal with and only I can make myself happy. Don't get down in the dumps talk to people who are there for you. I know it hurts but you can do it! Trust me if I went thru the h**l I did in my life and still standing after being knocked down several times. Keep your head up don't give in!