Any other new moms mourning their old lives?

Question

I woke up this morning really depressed just thinking about all of the fun things i used to do and how i wont ever have the life i was working towards. No more travelling, going out to dinner and drinks, spur of the moment anything, no more dating. I an never just pick up and move to LA or Boston like i have in the past. My son is 8 days old, i love him so much, but this just hit me like a ton of bricks. i've turned into one of the people i felt sorry for. i'm 24, single, live in the midwest and always thought i'd end up somewhere else. now it all seems lost. anyone else going through this. i'm also so jealous of my friends who don't have kids and just get to explore the world with total freedom.

Answer 1

Sounds like hormones, to me. :) Who says you can't do those things? Granted, with kids, you can't 'pick up' and go; it takes a little planning, but, you can still travel, go out to dinner, and date... Just be smart, and plan ahead... And, save some money!

Answer 2

Its not the end.  It just hit you that you that your child is first.  That's always good.  This is your bonding time now.  Then when you feel ready to take your child to daycare, you can work and start doing some of the things you used to do.  It'll just take more planning to do it now.  A lot of new parents have those days when they reflect on the past days, but now its time to bond with your child and think of all the great years you have to come.  Its the greatest thing.   Maybe when you child is a little older, they can babysit every once in a while so you can enjoy a night out, or they all come over to your place a have a get together.  If you start getting too depressed, you should go see someone for help.

Answer 3

Everyday I miss a little something, but I don't regret what I have.  I know better now what my mom did for me.  I know more secrets of life than my childless friends do.  And now I blame crabby moods on lack of sleep rather than PMS (hehe).  

Overall I agree with Charliee.  Also considering everything you just survived, give your self a break that you are feeling blue.  Its partly the hormones and its partly the lesson.  Everything from moving to Boston on a whim to creating a real childhood for your baby is a lesson and a journey.

Enjoy and Congrats!

Answer 4

Please don't despair. He is eight days old and your hormones are up the spout! Plan to travel whilst he is young and free to travel with. We have been to Vienna and Spain this year with our young son.  Get a trustworthy group of friends together and organise a babysitting circle - then socialise. Think about what you want and plan to do it together. Take your son wherever you can and explore the world together... it takes more planning but it is richer because you are giving it to him whilst your single friends are doing it alone... and noone is actually that interested in their travel stories. Make his life rich , by planning what you want for both of you. A close single friend of mine has just moved from the UK to New Zealand with her one year old. Just don;t define yourself by the other parents you know... Define single parenting the way you want it. Work hard and make your lives rich.

Answer 5

My eldest is 7 and I still mourn my old life, lol.

I miss a clean house.

I miss 'me" time.

I miss uncluttered space.

I miss the sound of silence.

I miss going to the toilet alone.

But you know what, I wouldn't trade it for the world, and I am sure you wouldn't either! You think you miss it all, but, should you be away from them, even for a short period, you, as I do, will find yourself missing all the chaos!

Congrats on your new little man!

Answer 6

i went threw that stage .  i was moody , cranky , felt like you did . believe me it does pass .  my son is 14 months old now , and not only is he happy and healthy , but i got my spunk back and a reason to live!!! it gets better just hang in there

Answer 7

Well being a new mom can be really hard for some people, especially if you have left a certain lifestyle that consisted of partying and travelling.  A baby can really change things in our lives.  

A baby is such a wonderful gift though you need to remember that at all times how precious they are.  How Innocent they are.  As time goes on you will enjoy the change your son has brought you.

You need to find though some time for yourself.  Ask someone to watch your son, so you can have a break for just you.  You time is still important.  Just don't have to much you time as your son is needing you.  He just needs a happy mom who is wanting to be there when she is there with him.

Answer 8

...Hey!  I'm a 24 year old mom who lives in the midwest :(

Whats so bad about it!!

I think that you are going through a short lived freak-phase.  

You can travel - Babies are SO easy to travel with.  After our first, when he was about 1 month old my husband and i went to visit some friends of his in Colorado, and went on a 3 week back-packing trip.  True, my backpack was my baby, but it worked out.  Spur of the moment may be harder, but there will be dinners, and R-rated movies, and yes, even dating :)

You just have to wait a few months until the babe is old enugh to be under someone else's watch.  But by then, you probably won't even want to leave!

Do your friends and family come over to spend time with you and the babe?  Ask that they do - It will make you feel much less lonely!

Answer 9

Join a support group.  Mommy and me, family, etc.  It will probably help to talk about it because I am sure there are tons of people who feel the same way you do or have at one point or another.

LOL, trust me, dating life has not ended...neither has dinner and drinks.  You can still do plenty of things you did before...of course, not on a whim, but life has not ended..it's gotten better, even though it may not seem so.

Answer 10

quit complaining you got knocked up  had a kid and now you are forced to grow up and you hate it...well life happens....but that said as a father of 4 life does get beter  dates drinks dinner tarvel and all will come with time

Answer 11

You sound like you might be dealing with postpartum depression? Honestly I am glad that I have children because they gave me a purpose in life. Before family life I considered myself to be the most boring person ever. I don't travel, I hardly ever go out for dinner or drinks, not a spur of the moment type of gal either, I didn't date excessively, I wouldn't think of wanting to just pick up and move anywhere because it's just not that easy to do, whether being single or being a mother it takes a lot of planning and the ability to have the finances for it too. Being a mother actually helped me to be more active. I want to do more things outdoors with my children, we go out and eat as a family often, sometimes we even do spur of the moment things when we are able to and it's so much better doing it as a family than being single. I enjoy the family life more than I did the single life, that is just me.

Answer 12

The thing to remember is that raising children is an important part of life. Just because you feel you want to do these other things should not diminish your self-respect as a parent. If I can be so bold as to suggest that perhaps it is something else about your life that is making you feel this way? Sometimes what we think is making us unhappy is only a symptom of what is really going on. If you love your son, then being a parent should not be a problem. We can choose to be happy in our lives, regardless of whether we get to go to Rome, or go out drinking and dancing (two activities that are perhaps over-rated anyway).

Answer 13

well that is the reason we don't have s*x for fun we use it to make planned babies

you will be ok as the farther it goes the better it gets i have a child that is almost 3 and we do alot of what we did before we had her we just take her with us

don't be jealous cause what you have is alot better then what they don't have

and if you never wanted kids then why did you have s*x

be happy for the blessing god gave you and enjoy life and later in life you can do more of what you want to you can take the baby and move if you want as to how i don't know but if you are feeling this way you might want to talk to a doctor and if you regret having him and not want him tallk to you parents about taking him or adopt him out

Answer 14

Talk to your doctor.  Lots of moms go through depression after having a baby.  If you're suffering from postpartum depression, it is possible to get help.  When you're not depressed, you'll be able to balance the negatives of parenthood (which are temporary ... you can do more as your child gets older) with the positives.