Any really reallly funny short quotes?

Question

Like when life gives u lemons squeeze them in ppls eyes and run, or i dont need your help i can get lost all be my self, or you throw rocks i throw bricks.

Answer 1

Friends are like potatoes, if you eat them they die.

Answer 2

People who live in glass houses shouldn't.

Did I mention you are the awesomest?   LOL

Answer 3

Time is never wasted if you are wasted all the time.

Don't worry about what other people think, they don't do it very often.

I'm free of all prejudices, I hate everyone equally

Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others.

We're all going to h**l and I'm driving the bus

You can't make somebody love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

Answer 4

I have the body of a god!

(Buddah)

Answer 5

It's a small world, but I don't want to paint it.

Like the above answer, check the Prez quotes

Answer 6

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

Answer 7

"I went to Iraq and shook the hand of a man who had both his hands cut off by Sadaam Husein."  ~ Geroge W. Bush