Any single moms ...........can u help? x x x ?

Question

My son is ten and he asked about his dad. His dad was and still is a Drugy and a cheat and a murder. He's in prison for 25 to life. Should i tell my son the truth or what .......? i'm really stuck with this one. Please help. Thanks x*x

Answer 1

Yes tell him.The earlier the better.

Answer 2

yes you have to be honest and start slowly. give him minimul information. your son will hold it against you if you lie to him.

Answer 3

why not???

first of all it is your son's right to know the truth cz to be honest if u don't tell him the truth NOW that might will be a big conflict later w/u guys.

i'm a single mom too....almost everytime my son looked for him dad (just like this morning he was asking for him) i haven't nothing to hide from my son......i'm always honest w/him so he will to me.

i told my son maybe right now he wouldn't understand cz his still very young. but oneday in his life when he get older....he will.

goodluck

Answer 4

i'm not a single mom, but i have one. for a different reason though, my father died before i was born. here's my answer, be totally honest about his father. it's only fair. he deserves to know the truth.

Answer 5

it will be hard but yes you should tell him the truth cause someday somehow the truth will come out and it may not be from you. now would you rather if you told him the truth before someone else tells him after you already made up something else? maybe start out by saying he is in jail beacuse he did some bad things and leave it at that unless he asks questions the answer those let him be the one to lead the conversation this way you give info he wants and maybe you wont have to add in that he killed someone just yet.

Answer 6

I'm not a single mom, but I don't need to be one to answer this question.  For one, it doesn't help that you are already sounding so negative about the dad.  How do you think that is going to help your son?   Your son, regardless of the dad's actions, is still part of the dad.   Do not lie to him, but certainly leave the attitude at the door, because that will only make things worse.  If he is bound to find out this year, it is best it comes from you first.  He probably already knows something about it anyways.  

Make sure when you tell him, that you also explain that this does not affect how he will be as an adult.   Just be there for him.    

Answer 7

tell him the truth. you cant expect him not to lie if you aren't honest with him. plus- I found out at 19 that my father had been arrested for murder when I was 2 and no one ever told me. I had the hardest time dealing with the fact that I had been lied to. I still love him just the same... and always will.  

Answer 8

Och, this is a tuff one. But yes, its best that you tell him the truth. But since hes ten, break it to him in a nice way, like say " daddy did some pretty bad stuff and was sent away for a long time" But if hes a mature 10 yr old, Then say " Your dad did some bad things in his life, and now hes gone away to be straightened up"

Hope this helps you!

Answer 9

A tough situation for sure.  But he deserves your honesty.  He's old enough - maybe not for all the details, but to understand that his father did something very wrong and now he is being punished.  You know your child better than anyone and what he can handle (for example, you may tell your son his dad is addicted to drugs and he has hurt people, maybe not that he killed someone).

If you lie, your son will eventually find out at least some of the truth and he may resent you or worse, stop trusting you.  And the last thing any parent needs heading into adolescence is a child who feels they cannot trust an adult.

Whatever you tell him, think through what questions he may ask you and what you feel comfortable answering him.  He deserves information that is clear and truthful.  Make sure you reassure your son he had NOTHING to do with his father's bad decisions and that even though his dad has some very deep problems, in his own way, you are sure that his father has love for him.  Let your son know that you love him and will always be there to care for him and keep him safe.

As your son matures, he's sure to ask more questions and eventually you can give him the whole story about his dad.  The most important thing is to be honest, kind and loving when you respond to him.  It's really sad that his father made decisions that have put you in this position, but open communication with your child will go a long way in maintaining a relationship with him based on trust.

Answer 10

The truth is the best way to go. I'm sure that he will probably be disappointed but its better be honest than to lie to him and him find out later. That could really put some stress on your relationship with him in the long run. Just make sure you answer any questions he does have and if he wants to meet him then to keep a open mind. Good luck!

Answer 11

Thats a hard 1 hun, but yes I think you ahould tell him the truth as he will find out eventually & may resent you for not telling him the truth.  It also shows that you were not stopping him seeing his dad there were reasons.  Wish u all the luck!!xx

Answer 12

tell him the truth but back it up with the positives of why you've never told him before hopefully that way he'll understand why you've done things the way you have - that being for your sons sake & not yours

Answer 13

if you think he is old enough to handle the truth then yes you should tell him the truth you don't want him to think his dad is this great guy when he is far from it . tell him the truth you don't have to take him to see him.

Answer 14

I would be vaguely honest with him.  He doesn't need to know all of the details.  He could just know that 'your dad is unable to be part of your life because he's made bad choices in his'.  If he presses the issue, let him know that his dad is in prison and that someday, when he is an adult, he can choose whether he wants to contact him.  I wouldn't give him that option, though, until he is older.  I still wouldn't get into the details of the crimes b/c that's too much info for a kid that age.