Any tips for adoption search?

Question

I was adopted when I was 2 years old - I want to seek out my birth parents and family members - any ideas on where to start and tips from those that have done their own searches?

I am looking for practical ideas - emotional issues are not the concern here.

Answer 1

The first place to start is with the agency or attorney that facilitated your adoption.  You should be able to find this out from either your adoptive parents or adoption paperwork if you have access to it.

You can also contact the Secretary of State at your state (you can look them up online or in the blue pages of your phone book).  They may be able to point you in the right direction for finding the information, or they may have the info at hand.

There are adoption registries online for birth parents and adoptees to find each other.online.  You can Google "adoption registry" and the terms "birth parents" and "adoptee" and you'll likely find them.

I wish you the best in your search.  I hope the search is smooth and you find your birth parents quickly.  I also wish you well when you meet each other again!

God bless you!

Answer 2

I am 58 and was adopted as an infant in Ohio and located my birth mother 6 years ago rather easily.

Every bit of information you have helps. Start by trying to get your original birth certificate from the state where you were born/adopted. I was fortunate. Up until 1964, birth records were open in Ohio, and I was able to obtain my original birth certificate with a notarized request from the state. You might get lucky this way.

The agency or attorney through which you were adopted most certainly has a confidentiality agreement with your birth mother but should be able to give you a non-identifying narrative.  In other words, they should be able to give you the circumstances preceding your adoption without details that would allow you to track your birth parents.

After obtaining my birth certificate and non-identifying narrative, I contacted a detective that specializes in tracking adoptions: Jaymie Frederick / [e-mail]. She was very reasonable and I had name/address/phone in less than a week. Of course I had quite a bit of information from the birth certificate and the narrative.

Catholic Charities in Dayton put me in touch with a terrific lady who had the best advice when you do find your birth parents' location. DO NOT CALL OR SHOW UP AT THE DOOR. Instead, send a nice thinking of you card and write:  "I've been thinking of you. The last time we saw each other was (date of birth) in (city of birth.) I'd very much like to get in touch again."  Then provide all your contact information.

In my case it was over 2 weeks before I got a response from my birth mother. Her first sentence said: "What a kind and thoughtful way to introduce yourself."

I think it's important to keep in mind that no matter how curious you are, your curiosity and right to know ends where your birth mother's right to privacy begins.  Most, but not all, are eager for a reunion.  You don't know what circumstances were involved with her decision. In the end you have to respect that and hope that she will come around.  

My birth mother was upset at first that I had located her and it took her some days to come around. She had not been totally honest with Catholic Charities so the situation was far more complex than the narrative had stated. We've met and stay in touch but she has still not introduced me to her other children. I understand her feelings. If my Mom were still alive she would not have wanted me to find my birth mother and I probably wouldn't have shared my discovery with her either.

There are several websites that have many links to registries, agencies and state offices. If you contact a detective, ask for references.

Good luck!

My birth mother was upset at first that I had located her and it took her some days to come around. She had not been totally honest with Catholic Charities so the situation was far more complex than the narrative had stated. We've met and stay in touch but she has still not introduced me to her other children. I understand her feelings. If my Mom were still alive she would not have wanted me to find my birth mother and I probably wouldn't have shared my discovery with her either.

There are several websites that have many links to registries, agencies and state offices. If you contact a detective, ask for references. Good luck!

Answer 3

These folks have great advice and support for searchers:

http://pacer-adoption.org/

Answer 4

The first step you should take is registering with ISRR.net this is a free adoption search registry that is the mostly widely known and used.

2nd.  Register with any state run reunion registries as well as any private online state specific registries.

3rd register with as many online registries as you can find and search them as well. The most reputable are

registry.adoption.com

fineme.org

http://www.aci.net/schaefer/page60.html (g's adoption search)

Use this site to check the laws for the state that you were adopted in (not born if different).  

http://local.reunion.adoption.com/

The site above will tell you how to contact either the agency you were adopted through or the state office to at the very least request your non-id information.  Some times this info is rather detailed and can certainly help you in your search.

Several states are open, meaning you can receive your original birth certificate by request.  (AK, KS, AL, TN, NH, DE, OR, ME (laws just passed and ME will be open in 2009)

Some states are easier to search than others because the birth records are either available online or many searchers have the records in databases.  (KY, NC, CA, TX, & OH)

Since you were not adopted until 2 there is a likely chance that you were named by your original parents and your first and possibly middle name has not changed.  

Be vary cautious in using any kind of paid adoption search, especially those that advertise on TV.  They can not open your records and receive any more info than you can give them.  

Many states have a confidential intermediary program.  There are usually fees associated with these but they have a very high success rate.  They do have the authority to open the records.

Best of luck!