Any tips for step mothers?

Question

I've been in a relationship for 5 months with a man who has a four year old daughter. I'm nervous about how things will pan out in the future. I don't ever want her to feel like I'm "taking her daddy away" or making her feel like I'm trying to take her mother's place. At the same time, I would love to have a loving relationship with her (and him) as an addition to the family. Any tips on what to do and what NOT to do?

Answer 1

You should:

- Assure her that you are not her real mom

- Assure her that you are not trying to take her place

- Give it time

You shouldn't:

- Pretend you are her real mom

- Try to win her over her mom

- Talk bad about her mom

- Rush into things

These are just general things to do or not do

hope it helps a bit and good luck!

Answer 2

Don't try to hard. But do make an effort. If you don't then she will think you don't care about her and make sure to pay extra attention to her---4 year olds need it.

Answer 3

id say, dont try to be to inteverything lyk always trying to be her best frend and taking her places and doing too many things wif her.

if ur just nice to her and take her out wif dad too and just be cool and stuff it shud be ok.

the stuff ur worrying bout doin is the kinda stuff my stepdad did, he tried to be to into the family and wen we went out i wud always just hav to walk around following him and my mum, he didnt include me, but wen he did he wud just be annoyin bout it. lyk he wud sign me up 4 lyk mountain biking lesson and fishing lesson - i didnt even get a say in those sorts of things. im a girl, i dont want to go biking and fishing!

so id say always make her a part of the family, but never be to over loving and caring. (sounds weird i know) but just make sure that the things u do r things that she wants to do to, and in time u can take her out wif the family on outings that she doesnt really want but is a family thing that u all do together.

hope all my babling on helped a little! :)

Answer 4

Hi B I have been a stepfather for 17 years, this is how i got through it

firstly i made damm sure that it was what i realy wanted,  I then reminded myself that this young person was a FRIEND not a blood kin, Always be a friend first-then , try and help as you would any other person, never try to be a subsitute  parent it nevers works out and nearly always drives the child away, "dont't buy them-dont try them-Just love them", thats all the want. keep well

Answer 5

just be yourself, don`t over do it, as cute as they look at four thats just the right age they learn how to play one off the other, and cause an all out war.

just try to be her friend at first and take one day at a time. its gona be just as hard for her to adujst, is you and your partner a life long commitment. if you feel not then figure out the complications of stepping into a childs life, just in case things dont work out between you and her father. good luck

Answer 6

Just be someone who shows her love and does things with her.  You'll have a great relationship with her.

Answer 7

It's always very confusing to a child to have to share parents. For right now, be her friend and play buddy. If you decide to marry the dad, then you will be a parent. Love the child and think of her best interests. Allow her to talk of her mom and don't say anything negative about her. Establish trust between the two of you and hopefully things will work out.

Answer 8

welll then tell her that, always reassure that. sit her down ( whether she is 4 or not ) and tell her that your not here to take her dad away, your here to be apart of his and her life. and tell her your NOT trying to become her mom, your becomin a friend and a woman who will love her the same. i wish my step dad was as caring as you. he doesnt care one bit about me. and my mom is just going along with it. but anyways, dont be afraid!! she will apprecaite it in the long run  :]

Answer 9

Hi I'm not a step mother but am a step farther although i consider my self to be just a farther nothing step about it!

I think that it is important for you to sit back and think about what life in 10 years time or even sooner 2 years for that matter and see what you want to be doing with your soon to be daughter! it is nice to think that everything is all nice and dandy and is going to go smooth as many people that i know do, that is far from the truth there are going to be some real up and downs. Your partner and daughter are a unit and are already established and what you need to remember is that you are joining there group so you are the one that will need to adjust not them. go in to this as you but be prepared to adapt slightly. Take everything as it comes one thing at a time. don't overstretch your self to impress just so you will fit in because if you do it will cause problems down the line when you cant keep up with what you have implementedd on first impression to the child. and remember this is a child we are talking about what happens in her life now makes her into what she will become. I know some of what i have said is very down beat and doesn't sound like fun at all, 95% of family life is great you just need to keep little thing's in the back of your head for when sadly you will have to go through rough times.

I hope this will help a little and congrats on your new family :-)

Answer 10

Both of my parents are getting married to other people next month so I've had lots of experience with step families over the past 7 or 8 years. I was more upset when my mom started dating then my dad but that was just because I was closer to her. Neither of the step parents were around everyday so I could still have quality time with my parents. You should know and understand that he is always going to have this other "woman" in his life which it seems like you do. Just try to remind him of his daughter if he needs it and that he needs to have one on one time with her. So basically, let them have their alone time and when you are with him try to include her sometimes. You could also have her bring a friend or something so its not too much "three is a crowd." If you ever disagree with something she is doing or has done try not to tell her what to do and sound like another parent because that could make her angry. Just try to be her friend and not too much like a parent but you still have authority over her somewhat. Just make sure your man is getting his quality time with his daughter. Hope I helped.