Any very funny jokes?

Question

Ok my friend is the master at jokes and i wanna hear some so i can tell her it and maybe beat her at some so any very funny jokes ?

Answer 1

Why did the chicken cross the road. a: to get to the other side. A very funny joke she will fall over laughing.

Answer 2

ok so i have a lot of jokes but tihs is an ok one

"theres a guy with no legs and no arms and hes lying down at the beach. three girls come up to him, the first one says, have u ever been hugged? the handicapped man answers no, then the girl hugges him. the second girl asked have u ever been kissed? the limbless man says no, and the girl kissed him. the last girl said have u ever been fuked? the man with no legs nor arms says no. the girl pickes him up and throws him into the deep water. she then screams, now your fuked!

Answer 3

idk

answer mine please i need help

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 4

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that d**n thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.    



  

Answer 5

theres a dad tomatoe, a mom tomatoe n a baby tomatoe all walking together.. the baby tomatoe lags behind.. the dad tomatoe stps on the baby a lil bit n says Ketch up!

Answer 6

here's one:

two pretzels were walking down the street....and one was assualted!

[One was a "salted" pretzel] get it?

Answer 7

Bin Ladin has refused to sleep with any of his five wifes,when he was ask why,he said any time he opens their legs ,he see BUSH.

Answer 8

this is off a movie but here is goes..

officer pulls man over for speeding and walks up to the car and says "sir ur eyes looks glazed have u been smoking pot?"

the man replies and says"officer your eyes look glazed have u been eatin doughnuts?"

haha yeaa. hope u like it =] Best answer please? lol

Answer 9

well ellieee took my joke...but I do know some more.

what's brown and sticky?     a stick!

      

ha ya i know it's stupid....

what happens when you drop a green rock into the red river?     It gets wet!

Answer 10

funny jokes........

woman's rights

black rights

immigration

etc.

Answer 11

whats a g*y cow say? HHHaaaaYYYY

knock knock

dewy

dewy have to here these jokes?

Answer 12

Choosing a wife

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make-up and buys several new outfits, then dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done  with the money he'd given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest b***s.

Men are like that, you know.

Answer 13

What does anal s*x and spinach have in common?

If you're forced to have it when you're younger, you're not going to like it when you're older.

Answer 14

3 men walked into a bar,,

You would have thought one of them would have seen it ?

Answer 15

i got one

Knock, Knock!

Who's there?

John Macain.

John Macain Who???

Exactly!

Answer 16

can i be racist?

Answer 17

Roses are red, Nuts are brown, Skirts are up, Panties are down, Body to body, Skin to skin, When its stiff stick it in

Answer 18

Knock knock.

Whos there?

Interupting cow.

Interuptin.. MOOOOOO!

Best joke ever.

Answer 19

What is a woman reading when she stares at a blank piece of paper?

Her rights.

Yes, it's sexist. But no one doesn't laugh at that joke.