Anybody got any good chuck norris jokes?

Question

heres a few

chuck norris invented the apple

when the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks for chuck norris

chuck norris doesnt use a lawn mower, he simply puts his hands behind his back and dares it 2 grow

When you spell chuck norris in scrabble, you win. Forever

Chuck norris once ate 4 turtles whole, the when he pooped them out, they all knew karate. We know these as the teenage mutant ninja turtles

Chuck Norris is the reason why waldo is hiding

Chuck Norris can believe its not butter

Answer 1

1 chuck norris does not "style" his hair. It lies perfectly in place out of sheer terror

2 Chuck norris grinds his coffee with his teeth then boils the watr with his own rage

3 when you're chuck norris anything + anything is equal to one-one roundhouse kick to the face

4 How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck norris all of it

5 staring at chuck norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection may result in blindness and possibly foot-sized bruises on the face

6 ninjas want to grow up to be just like chuck norris but usually they grow up just to be killed by chuck norris

7 there is no such thing as global warming chuck norris was cold so he turned the sun up

8 when chuck norris was born the only person who cried was the doctor. never slap chuck norris

9 chuck norris does not own a stove or a microwave because revenge is a dish best serve cold

10 chuck norris played russian rulette with a fully loaded gun and won

11 if a tree falls in the forest does anyone hear yes chuck norris hears chuck norris hears everything

12 when chuck norris does a push-up he isnt lifting himself up he is pushing the earth down

13 chuck norris uses a night light not because chuck norris is afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of chuck norris

14 outer space exists because space is afraid to be on the same planet as chuck norris

15 chuck norris does not wear a watch he decides what time it is

16 chuck norris doesnt read books he stares them down until he gets the iformation he wants

17 when the bogeyman goes to sleep everynight he checks his closet for chuck norris

18 chuck norris did infact build rome in one day

19 the main export of chuck norris is pain

20 chuck norris can divide by zero

21 the first rule of chuck norris is: you do not talk about chuck norris

22 lightnig never strikes in te same place twice because chuck norris is looking for it

23 there is no such thing as a tornado chuck norris just hates trailer parks

24 chuck norris let the dogs out

25 chuck norris is not only a noun but a verb

26 chuck norris will never have a heart attack his heart is no where neer foolish enough to attack him

27 chuck norris crossed the road no one ever dared question his motives

28 chuck norris was once in a knife fight and the knife lost

29 chuck norris does not sleep he waits

30 the chemical formual for the highly toxic cyanide ion is cn these are also chuck norris' initials this is not a coincidence

31 chuck norris' heart beat is measured on the richter scale

32 if at first you dont succeed you are not chuck norris

33 chuck norris knows the lat digit of pi

34 chuck norris can taste lies

35 chuck norris can swallow a rubix cube and p**p it out solved

Answer 2

You've probably heard these but, oh well:

When it rains, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, water gets Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Answer 3

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. It's too bad he never cries.

Chuck Norris has no chin, under his beard is a third fist.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water, and make it drink.

Chuck Norris can squeeze coal into a diamond, and then pull it back apart.

Answer 4

The only element in the periodic table of the elements that Chuck Norris recognizes is the element of surprise!

Answer 5

I think the real question is.... has anybody NOT got any Chuck Norris jokes

: )  

Answer 6

chucknorrisjokes.net

Answer 7

I don't know any jokes, but I do know the Gods honest truth. When God parted the water for Moses, he accidently left the oven on. His wife found out and started to scream at him to come and turn it of. He was a bit busy so he shouted, "Oy! Chuck! I need a hand!"

Chuck Norris came down to earth and Glared at one side of the ocean and Glared at the other. Both sides were both so terrified that they stayed where they were and God avoided a long rant from his wife.

The only person hard enough to fight Chuck Norris is Bruce Lee and that fight would last for a thousand years.

Answer 8

Sorry, there are no good ones.  They're all bad!

Oh, hi Chuck.  I'm just goofing arou

Whew, that was close, and what did I tell you about no good CN jokes.  Just read the ones above and below.  They're all bad.

Answer 9

chuck norris counted to infinity.... twice.

there are no weapons of mass destruction in the middle east... chuck norris lives in oklahoma! (haha i love that one!)

if you had 5 dollars and chuck norris had 5 dollars, Chuck would have more money than you

Answer 10

chuck norris doesn't go hunting.  hunting implies the possibility of failure.  chuck norris goes killing.

chuck norris went to the virgin islands.  now they are just the islands.

Answer 11

when chuck norris wuz getting tested 4 steriods, it came back positive. 2 this, he simply laffed and said, "of course, wat do u think they make the stuff from?"

1 day, chuck norris decided 2 sell his urine. this is now called redbull

chuck norris rode a bull. 9 months l8er, it had a calf.

chuck norris can eat just 1 lays potato chip.

CHUCK NORRIS IS BHIND U!!!

Answer 12

Chuck Norris doesnt get wet, water gets Chuck Norris!

hahaha! the ones you have are great!