Anybody got any good jokes or riddles?

Question

i need a good laugh, ive been in a bad mood all day, it can be anything , just as long as it makes me laugh til am sick! :D :L

Answer 1

Yeah, here's one... my life.

Answer 2

Three guys and a lady

Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.

The first guy says "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."

The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids."

The third guy says, "I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker."

They turn to the woman and ask her, "What are you?"

She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you know... Wash, Iron, Fu**, Etc.

Answer 3

A city slicker wanted to move into the country and blend in with his neighbors. He went down the road about a mile to his nearest neighbor and asked to buy a rooster a hen and a donkey to help "Farmify" his new digs.

The old farmer said" If you really want to blend in hereabouts, you need to use the proper words for the animals. That there hen you want is a pullet, that Donkey you asked for is an a.ss and the rooster we call a c.ock... that will be 40 dollars for the lot.

The City slicker took the rooster under one arm, the hen under the other and the donkey, he held the rope in his hands.

As he was walking away, the farmer said, "When that animal gets stubborn, just scratch him between the ears, and he will go wherever you want.

With that, the city slicker takes off down the road. Everything is going fine until he comes to a bridge, the donkey sits down and won't budge. He is in a predicament, he can't put the chickens down... just then a lady walks by, He asks "Pardon me mamme, would you hold my c.ock and pullet while I scratch my a.ss?

Answer 4

did you try to m********e

Answer 5

You cant have unproteceted s*x with Chuck Norris. You are NEVER proteceted from Chuck Norris.