Anybody know some funny short jokes?

Question

Short preferred, hoping to memorize them. Content suitable for teens, not too dirty please. Throw me anything you got!

Thanks alot! Please let it really funny ones and not snigger jokes

Derg

Answer 1

man walks into a bar....drinks until he passes out does this for 2 years...then dies from liver disease...whoop

Answer 2

A polar bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a gin and

.........................................

.........................................

.........................................

.........................................

Tonic

The bartender asked "Why the big pause?"

The polar bear replied "Don't know, I've always had 'em."

Answer 3

Man: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it..

Woman: You wear pants, don't you?

I seem to be having a brain f**t, but I'll let you know if I think of anymore!

-A

Answer 4

A preist, nun, rabbi, two polish guys, and a gorrilla walk into a bar... the bartender looks at them and says "what is this, some kind of joke?"

A catholic priest and a jewish rabbi are walking down the street and spot a 14 year old boy...the priest whispers " lets s***w him" the Rabbi gets a puzzled look on his face and asks... "out of what??!!??"

Why do they put Marines on Navy vessels? Because sheep would be too obvious.

Two babies are born on the same day, they are laying in the nursery staring at each other..the mothers come and take them away... 90 years later by some twist of fate, they are laying in hospital beds in the same room waiting to die...one looks at the other and asks.."well, what did you think?"

Three nuns are whispering amongst each other.. the first says "I found condoms in the preists sock drawer"  the second says.."me too..and i poked holes in them",  the third one jumps out of the window.

Two city slickers are deer hunting and see something move in the woods... they both take aim and fire at the same time and both bullets hit it..they are standing there argueing about who gets to to take it home.... along walks a rancher who says "hey boys...before y'all load it up , you mind if I get my saddle off it?"

A little skunk is walk along and comes up on a duck crying, "whats wrong he asks..the duck says "I dont know what I am. The skunk thinks about it and says "You have webbed feet, feathers and a bill, you must be a duck" the little duck runs off happy. Three days later the duck finds the same skunk crying..and asks "whats wrong", the skunk answers "helping you made me realize I dont know what I am either", the duck thinks about it for a minute and says "well, you aren't exactly black...you aren't exactly white...and you smell like c**p...you must be Osama Bin Laden"

How many do you need?

Answer 5

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

el-if-i-no - h**l if i know

Answer 6

a blonde walks into the library and says to the librarian

CAN I HAVE A DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER, LARGE FRY, AND A MEDIUM COKE LIGHT ON THE ICE PLEASE THANK YOU

the librarian whispers "mam you relize ur in the library?"

the dumb blonde says " OH im terribly sorry sir" then whispers

can i have a double cheeseburger , large fry , and a medium coke plz.....thank u

Hope you liked it! choose as best answer LOL

Answer 7

what did pink panther say when he stepped on an ant?

sings in the pink panther song tune:

dead ant

dead ant

dead ant

dead ant

dead ant

dead ant

lmao its weird when you type it.

but its funny when you hear it.

Answer 8

A woman says to her husband, "hun what do like the most, my s**y body or my beautiful looks?"

The husband responds - "your sense of humor!"

Answer 9

Why cant you play uno with a mexican??

because they steal all of the green cards!!

no i am not racist i think it was just funny..please dont take it serious.

Answer 10

Dog Gone

Q: Why are dogs such bad dancers?

A: They have two left feet.

i hope you like them!! =))

Answer 11

What do you call a mexican with a rubber toe?

Roberto (Rubber-toe)

Answer 12

Yesterday I was--

Oh wait. That wasn't me.