Anyone Know A Good Chuck Norris Jokes?

Question

I want to know some good Chuck Norris jokes but please don't put swears or nasty or gross or inappropriate jokes.

Answer 1

chucknorrisjokes.net is where i go 2 get my chuck norris jokes.

Answer 2

chuck norris played russian roulette with a fully loaded gun, and won =D

i got a poster from wal-mart and it has like 100 of his jokes

Answer 3

Chuck Norris doesn't learn from school; school learns from Chuck Norris.

The boogeyman looks under his bed for Chuck Norris.

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, he has more money than you.

There is no "ctrl" button on Chuck Norris's computer. He is always in control.

Apple pays him 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.  

  

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.  

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.  

  

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.  

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk and Kill.

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.

Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.

Answer 4

when chuck norris falls in water, he doesn't get wet the water gets chuck norris.

chuck norris CAN believe it's not butter.

chuck norris can divide by zero.

chuck norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. except pink. tom cruise invented pink.

chuck norris ordered a big mac at burger king, and got one.

it takes chuck norris 20 minutes to watch 60 minutes.

chuck norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

chuck norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. they made him blink.

chuck norris can slam a revolving door.

if, by some incredible space-time paradox, chuck norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. period.

chuck norris built rome in a day.

chuck norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.

chuck norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. at night.

according to einstein's theory of relativity, chuck norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

the easiest way to determine chuck norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.

there is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. well it does exist, and chuck norris finds it delicious.

google won't search for chuck norris because it knows you don't find chuck norris, he finds you.

chuck norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

chuck norris can judge a book by its cover.

nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for chuck norris. chuck norris eats black holes. they taste like chicken.

chuck norris does not own a house. he walks into random houses and people move.

hope you enjoyed!

Answer 5

Don't fear the reaper, fear Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn't need a screensaver, nothing can save you from Chuck Norris

There's no such thing as swears, just words chuck norris doesnt like

Chuck norris can solve the energy crisis......with his fist!!!

there is no area 51, just chuck norris' backyard

Godzilla is japanese for "chuck norris"

Chuck norris knows you just you've just read this

Answer 6

sometimes its funny just to say to a random guy, "do you have some chocolate covered Chuck Norris?"

Answer 7

Before God said Let There Be Light, Chuck Norris said: Go ahead and do that light thing!