Anyone adopted from foster care then continued to be a foster parent? Did it affect your adopted children?

Question

I have four under 5 years old. Three youngest adoption is final next month? I was considering doing foster care (straight foster) for a time to help support the children in care - and possibly adopt another child. I am concerned the children will fear being removed. Any thoughts?

Answer 1

i haven't but i know many who have.  I am a new foster parent and we go to the cluster groups with other parents.  many of them of adopted one or two kids but they have big homes and hearts and continue to foster.  I am not sure how they deal with it with the kids but i would suspect they can explain the difference that the foster kids are in care and you are no mine forever. Something along those lines more or less depending on age and  development of child.

Answer 2

I adopted my son through foster care nearly 5 years ago. I have considered adopting again but haven't made any inquiries because of two factors:

1) I am no longer married and although I think I'm doing OK as a single parent to one child, I don't know if I could do it with two children,

2) It concerns me greatly that, because foster children are typically not 'legally free' for adoption, my son would be deeply hurt if the other child's parents were able to reunify with him/her and the child left our home.

Because of these reasons, I think I am destined to be the parent to only one child. If I ever remarry, maybe that will change. But for me, fostering is just not feasible anymore.

Answer 3

Go with your gut instincts.

Adoptees need extra attention.

Yours are all very young - and have to 'fight' amongst themselves already for their time with you.

I would one day like to do foster care myself - but my own children are still young.

I believe they need me front and centre now for them.

When they are older - I'll look into helping others.

Take good care of the one's you already have.

They need you front and centre in their lives.

You're right - adoptees are always vigilant that they'll be given up once more. Don't put that extra pressure on them - when you really don't need to.

Best of luck.

ETA: Let me just add - you're asking and getting answers from adoptive parents!!

They don't really know what adoptees feel like.

They can speculate.

But remember - adoptees are the best at hiding their true feelings.

They will only show you the feelings they think YOU want to see.

Be pro-active.

Don't try something like you're considering - to just wait and see how the kids deal with it.

You have a lot on your plate already.

Just be there for the kids you already have.

They need you to do that for them.

They need to be put FIRST.

Answer 4

My cousin Tammy does foster-to-adopt.  She has adopted one son and is in the process of adopting the little girl living with her.  She explains to her son that he is there for good, he is her son and nobody can ever change that.  She does still foster and hasn't had any problems with it.  Her son is now 7 years old and understands that his mommy likes to help the kids out when they need a safe home and that most of them will leave at some point but he will always be there because she has explained to him many times what adoption means.

Answer 5

Great question. I adopted about 6 years ago from the foster care system. My adopted son is almost 14 and I have been thinking of doing short term emergency care again. I have talked to all of my kids about this and they all seem supportive.

I will be watching the answers here to see what others suggest!

Answer 6

We adopted 14 years ago, had one of our own and now we are foster-to-adopt and it's not caused any problems.  Once we are through with this process we are going to continue to foster, hopefully foster to adopt again, and I'm sure it wont be a problem.