I'm drug free( 4 years from pot), and alcohol free(over 2 years now). I did lsd about 20 times, smoked crack about 10 times, did a few lines of coke/crystal meth, popped pills now and then, back then--- but none of these for about 10 years. I hate my life now. Not everything. My social life- I'd rather stay in bed or be in the house alone, I get irritated by people because I can't stand how alot of people aren't real and are just about themselves. I have very few friends, because I don't hang with my party "friends"-- even though a few of them I grew up with before the party days. I hate how I feel physically. I just don't have the energy anymore. I'm only 27( male). I haven't been able to handle stress anymore. Life is just sucking for me. My job has been sucking for about 4 months now, which I never thought would be THIS bad. I have no love life, never really had one I'll admit. I'm not ugly, alot of people say I'm very good looking- even hot, and a great personality. I hate being alone, but I hate being around people, too. I hate what drugs did to my brain-- my concentration is good, not always great. My memory is not the same. I used to be a math whiz, and I'm nowhere near that-- I just can't count in my head like I used too. My coordination is nowhere near as good- I used to be good at baseball( better than average). When I read it's not as fast- like my eyes don't move as good, and I can't remember as much of what I read. I have no license for 10 years---- drunk driving(no bad comments please). So I have a scooter now. I blame myself for everything, I'm really hard on myself. I blame the drugs and alcohol too. I just want to be the person I was supposed to be. I hate myself now, because I have to deal with it. It may not seem that bad, but it is to me. I feel like I'm less alert. I still like myself, but it's like the next minute, I hate myself. I'm not always like this, it's like a circle. Anyway, what do you have to say?
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