Anyone else had bad experiences with homeschooling?

Question

I was just wondering about your experiences because mine were awful. It seems to me in retrospect that alot could go very wrong with homeschooling. In my personal experience, my mother took me out of school when I seven. She was sziophrenic, and we didn't really have any friends or familly. We never did any work, and most of my time was spent dealing with her breaking down. I left home when I was fifteen. But I do have little confidence about my educational experience and it also affects my social confidence. Anyone alse had a similar experience?

Answer 1

It wasn't "homeschooling" that let you down, it was your extended family if your mother is truly schizo.  Your family members should have intervened.

What are you doing now to correct your educational deficiencies?

Answer 2

Wow, that's so sad! I believe wholeheartedly in homeschooling--when done by the right parents. Please understand that homeschooling wasn't as much at fault in your situation as your mother's issues.

Yes, a lot CAN go wrong with homeschooling when done in the wrong hands. Most parents who choose to homeschool aren't like your mother and in most cases, homeschooling works out quite well.

As an answer to your actual question, I do know of a few families who were outright neglectful. One was threatened with having to send her kids back to school--in 2 years' time, she really couldn't say that they had learned anything, the kids were always dirty, the house was always filthy... I know one family where the mom has been depressed for years and just about everything gets put on the oldest daughter--I really believe the kids would be better off in school, at least until the mom has a better handle on her depression. I know that I would have absolutely HATED being homeschooled by my mother and it probably would have been the wrong thing to do. However, I have confidence in my ability to raise my children in a healthier environment than I grew up in.

Know this: you could have still gone through public school and ended up lacking social confidence and little faith in your education--and even possibly have left home at 15. Plenty of people do. I had very little social confidence after k-12 in public school and although I did very well in school, I never felt truly confident in my ability to do well--like it could just fall apart.

What changed me was a decision TO change. I decided to really see more what other people did and try to do the same, even if I felt nervous about it. I worked on challenging my brain in ways that I could and grew more confident that way.

Have you seen The Secret? Part of it is a section where these people who now have amazing lives share their backgrounds: abusive families, being a member of a street gang and more. Your past is your past; it can only keep affecting your present and future if you let it. And if you ever have children, know that it's what parents do that makes or breaks homeschooling. *You* could homeschool your kids and do a great job if you wanted to.

Answer 3

If your mother was schizophrenic and you had no family structure, that's what really hurt you, not the homeschooling.

Your really rough family life basically screwed your chances for homeschooling success, but if you were in school you probably would not have fared much better.

Answer 4

Sorry for your painful experience.  That is one reason why I am hesitant to support home-schooling for the majority of families.  A few select parents can home school and do it well.  Maybe they are educated, have teaching experience or are just naturally gifted for teaching.  Your case is the extreme, but I think many parents would fall short in one way or another as teachers.  I know I would.  I really butt heads with my kids over homework assistance so I can't imagine how frustrating it would be to be there one and only teacher for all things. Also, attending school let's kids be a part of society, learn to work with others, deal with conflict, and get skills that they can use in the working working world.

Answer 5

It has basically ruined my life, is all I can say.

Answer 6

I have been home schooled my entire life (I'm 17) and for me it's been a great experience.  Home schooling in and of itself is not usually the problem when it doesn't work, it's the parent(s) or the kid(s).  There are 7 kids in my family, and we've all been home schooled and are all doing very well.  We aren't really religious, in fact, one of my older brothers is an atheist.  Both of my parents went to college, and are well educated, but for the most part, with the curriculum we use, the kids are mostly responsible for our own schooling.  Our parents are there if we need help, but we have to be responsible for making sure the work gets done, and because of that we're actually learning the material, instead of just memorizing it for the test, and then forgetting it.  I can certainly understand how home schooling could go wrong, but in lots of cases it's the best choice.  I am personally of the opinion that it's ridiculous that anyone can have a kid, and for the most part if you wouldn't be able to homeschool, I don't really think you are qualified to be a parent at all.  That's not to say that everyone should home school, but just that I think that any good parent would be able to if need be.

Answer 7

I too was raised outside of the public school system with a  dis-functional family. I also moved out and began my life on my own at a very young age. Its understandable for you to question your capabilities. You can not change the past.. only prepare for the future. I am sure once you take on any chances you get socially or academically you will in time discover through your successes as I have that you are not at a loss but an advantage. No matter your background, your social upbringing.. you have the power to draw strength on any bad situations, decisions and start today to actively work on improvements for a better future.

Answer 8

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences. I will disagree with Greeno though, MOST parents could home school, there are a few select for whom it would not work out, like your situation.

I was in public school, but my mother was mentally ill. I can assure you that growing up that way was just as painful in public school as it would have been at home. I still struggle, not in education, but in other aspects of my life. I have had a LOT of counseling for parenting, relationships, anger issues, etc. Having children and home schooling has been a huge healer for me. I really suggest that you attend a group for families affected by mental illness http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?section...

You'll discover that everyone who grows up with mentally ill parents has the same issues. It's not really the home schooling.

Fortunately, education is easy to fix....go to school NOW. If that's the least of your concerns as an adult, you can fix it! I was horribly abused, physically, emotionally and sexually. That's much harder to fix.

Answer 9

I too, am very sorry to hear your sad story. Your difficulties seen to stem from your mother illness(which is not her fault) rather than from homeschooling. It sounds like she was paranoid, which is part of her disease and lacked anyone looking out for her or you. You definatley should have been in school with someone aware of your mothers condition. She was not able to homeschool you or make proper decisions. Fortunately, it is never too late for an education. I went bach to school in my thirties , took the GED, then off to college. All the while raising four children. It was not easy, but I am so glad I did it. I feel better about myself and I now know things I never knew I needed to know. It makes life easier now. Take baby steps and find the right path for yourself. Talk to a counselor if you need to get some advice. Best of luck to you.

Answer 10

I'm sorry to read of your terrible experience.  As others have said, you can't really blame homeschooling for this as much as a dysfunctional family--your mother, your father, and any extended family.

But this problem could just as easily have existed without homeschooling.  I knew a mom who had mental health problems but she didn't homeschool the kids; instead, she put them in school, but moved every few months, so that the kids were always entering a new school, had no consistency in their education, were always behind in school because of stuff that the current school expected them to know that they hadn't learned as they bounced from school to school, not to mention the days when they simply didn't get to school at all.

I hope that you are working on fixing this problem.  That's the key to raising your confidence--taking action to solve the problem.  Start a self-education program by going to the public library regularly and reading a lot of good books, classics of literature, nonfiction books on a variety of topics, etc.  Even if you don't have a lot of time to read, taking 15 minutes a day, or every other day, to read some educational materials will work wonders in the long run.  As for social confidence, you might want to find a place to volunteer and help other people, so that you can observe how others interact and learn how much you really have to offer.

Good luck!

Answer 11

I'm sorry that you had that experience; however, please know that it had more to do with your mother's condition than with homeschooling.  You (likely) really shouldn't have been homeschooled - it's not right for every child or every family - but your mom still would have been schizophrenic, even had you remained in public school.

You still would have had to spend a lot of time dealing with her breakdowns, and you likely would have been scared silly about letting any of your friends know what was going on.  On top of having to deal with your mom, you would have had the fear of people looking down on you for having the "crazy mom".  You may or may not have received a better education - you may have had so much to deal with that you had to choose one or the other.

It may have been better for you to remain in school, or it may not.  Honestly, you'll never know.  However, you do have the choice to make your own way now, and I sincerely hope that you're making the most of that choice.

I was public schooled K-12 and had to deal with plenty of family drama...and I was ridiculed in school because of it.  I didn't really have many friends, I didn't feel like I could ask for help in my classes (even though I'm a teacher's kid), and I decided early on that I just wasn't one of the people who was supposed to succeed.  It wasn't until I got out of my house and into college (and beyond) that I started to realize that I really did have the ability to take control and achieve goals.

The grass isn't always greener, trust me.  I wished for years I had been homeschooled, but looking back, it probably would have been just as bad.  I just simply had a really bad family situation, and it would have been there no matter where I went to school.  Don't spend your time blaming something like your mom's decision to homeschool (like I can't blame my mom's decision not to) - do something about it now.  Make your life count and stop looking back.

Answer 12

Having lived with a schizophrenic I'd have to say that your bad experience was with having a sz parent rather than HS. Even if you'd been going to school watching your mum fall apart would have been hellish. I suggest checking out the children's board at http://www.schizophrenia.com/ to talk to others who've been through it.

Answer 13

Your experience is very unfortunate with your mother's schizophrenia!  But I've heard similar stories over and over from teacher friends.  Kids who have been "home-schooled" end up in their classed - and they can hardly do anything - and socially they are basket cases.

Through history we have moved toward compulsory public education for a reason - it's what Democratizes this country.  But religious people who are elitist and anti-Democratic have come up with this "Home School" thing to keep their kids away from any normalizing influence - to keep their kids away from learning anything except the parent's nasty religious ugliness.  

It's a very very poor idea for a country to have so much of this "Home Schooling".

Answer 14

I am so sorry that you had that experience.  That was so unfair to you.  My family is dysfunctional too.  Going to school was my escape.  My mother made my life miserable. I cried in school all the time but I was so loyal to my mom.  I never told on her because I was afraid of what she might do to me if I told.  She was verbally and physically abusive and my brother sexually abused me.  Her being schizophrenic was a lot for you to have to deal with at such a young age.  It must be so hard on you that you left home so young.  You could go for your GED.  That would make you feel so much better about yourself.  What happened isn't your fault but now that you are on your own you need to better your situation.  You have to stop dwelling on the past.  I know that it's hard.  I had to go into therapy and it really helped me.  It is expensive but may it is something that you can look into.  Good luck.