Anyone else have a bad homeschooling experience?

Question

My mother took me out of public school and began homeschooling me at age 10. I am now 21 and regret ever being homeschooled.

Are there any other homeschooled children (now grown or still being homeschooled) that regret being homeschooled? I'd like to know why your experience was a negative one and how you have dealt with it?

My homeschooling experience was very good until I was about 14 or 15 and my mother went back to work, leaving me at home alone 9 hours a day, 5 days a week. My education then took the backseat. I was never put back into public school but enrolled in a correspondence high school course. I was never made to study and never did. By the time I was 17-18 I finally realized how important my education was to me and worked hard to graduate on my own.

I blame being homeschooled for my lack of confidence in my intelligence and my lack of quality friends. I met many more "bad" kids in homeschool groups than I ever did in public school.

& I am not socially inept.

Answer 1

im being home schooled now.. i moved from NY to egypt and i didnt like the schools here. so im doing the last two years of high school on the comp. idk sometimes i like it cause i know i can graduate before the rest of my class. but at the same time i dont like it cause im missing prom and just being with my friends. but sometimes its better, cause im not getting into trouble or anything now. and my education became so important to me. i work on it everyday cause i want to start college next fall. and i get to get out of egypt. =] so i dont think i am having a bad experience but it deff sometimes gets hard. i think thats the worst i cant get help when i need it.

Answer 2

Sorry, I don't see why you should dwelt on past mistakes...Being a parent, Mom or Dad, Wife or Husband is not something easy and often no one teaches us the tricks of the trade so we all make mistakes.  It is more important that we DO NOT REPEAT them rather we LEARN FROM MISTAKES as LIFE is too SHORT!

The secret to a GOOD & HAPPY LIFE is "BALANCE!" At the same time, there are different stages in life where TRANSITION is rough and not knowing what to expect during the next stage sometimes result in lost of focus & motivation.

What everyone needs is MENTOR(s) in Life whether it be Your Mom, Your Dad, Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, Teacher, Neighbors, Someone at your Church who takes you under their WING and GUIDES YOU and you feel comfortable enough to trust & share. communicate your feelings, tension etc where they in turn effectively relate their LESSONS LEARNED EXPERIENCES!

Most Adults will tell you if you want a good life economically and for your family to live comfortably, there is no substitute and EDUCATION and a COLLEGE DEGREE in a worthy endeavor is mandatory/essential. At the same time, while everyone's hormones and body changes and emotional & physical relationships begin taking place, the truth is you are too young & not using wise judgement if you are not able to maintain self-control whereby you allow yourself to get serious and impact/interfere with your future goals esp COLLEGE EDUCATION.

Yes, friendships are important & GOOD CLOSE FRIENDS who you can trust and are there to help each other is important and you can trust your instinct who these people are that you can count on...but do not let someone ever take advantage of you bec your are lonely without a MENTOR or PARENT who you can seek advice from.

The best insurance, parents can give their children is to encourage and do everything possible to see that they earn a COLLEGE DEGREE in a worthy endeavor, bec no one is sure exactly what obstacles you may encounter along the ROAD OF LIFE, and when mistakes & bad choices do occur, one must reach deep down for determination and perseverance to motivate and pick themselves up knowing it is just temporary challenge they can & will overcome. Never quit or give up bec it only makes it easier when you encounter your next challenge. With a college degree and good job, if you happen to marry, have kids but something didn't work out despite putting forth your best efforts, then esp for a female you have the god-given ability to pick up and move on to a Better Life and hopefully not be stuck & depressed that you made terrible choices in high school and college.

God Bless!

Answer 3

I haven't had a bad homeschooling experience, but wanted to say how sorry I am that your mom left you home alone like that. It must have been very painful. I'm glad you had four good years of homeschooling though, and I agree that if your mom couldn't have been involved, you should have had the choice to go back to public schools.

Anyway, make new friends! No one keeps up with their friends from high school, I made so many new ones in college, and in fact, my best friends are people I met after my children were born because I have had more experience and know who I am and where my true values lie. Dr Phil would say stop the blame game and fix the problems. You sound like a very smart and well-spoken person, and I am certain you can achieve any goal you desire!

Answer 4

I'm almost 15 and have been home schooled since I was 12. My mom and I run a horse ranch, she works, and my dad left us like 4 months ago. My mom doesn't teach me, I do it myself, and still train for competitions and train horses. If you had 9hrs to yourself, you should of been doing school work. My grades have gone up since I've been out of public school. My confidence has also boosted because of the responsibility I have. You were in the public school system since you were 10, it’s not like you weren’t ever socialized. You’re 21, it’s time to stop blaming home school for issues you have now. Just because “bad kids” were in your home school programs, does not mean you need to hang out or make friends with them. My schedule is hectic due to training, showing, feeding, meetings, etc. My mom doesn’t help or do anything with my school work, and I still get it done. You really need to stop blaming all that on you being home schooled.

Answer 5

don't blame your homeschooling because i am home schooled and know that it is helping me. Blame your mom for not truly caring as much about your education as she thought she did.

I'm not trying to make you seem like a bad daughter because even though I'm going to graduate two years earlier than most i still miss being in private school.

Forgive your mother because she  probably was only seeing how much it would help if you were homeschooled but forgot that children cannot teach themselves

Answer 6

Gosh i was begging to be homeschooled glad i wasnt know.

But i dont think public schooling is any better hunny.

I was treating like c**p by teachers and pupils.

It was a such a terrifing experience i was suicidal for years.

And had awful dreams and panic attacks.

I am still troubled now but am popular and getting on with my life.

Answer 7

i am kind of home schooled. i do an online high school program so my parents don't teach me. i am 16. my dad owns a shop so i go to work with him and do school work and after i'm done i have to work. i like it but then i don't. i do because i am getting better grades but i don't because i miss all my friends and all the boys lol. so idk its hard cuz i miss my old school, teachers, and friends. but i keep my social part up with talking to myself (lmao) and at work helping customers.

Answer 8

No. I had a bad public school experience as did my oldest kids. Homeschool however, has been great

Answer 9

I think it might be more accurate to say that *the way* you were homeschooled is more to blame for your lack of confidence in your intelligence and lack of quality friends.  Homeschooling itself really had nothing to do with it - you said yourself that while you were really being homeschooled, when your mom was involved and teaching you, it was a very good experience.

It looks like it had more to do with your mom's abrupt absence and leaving all of the responsibility to you.  At 14 or 15, most kids aren't ready for that.

I'm sorry that the last few years of it were a bad experience.  Homeschooling is not for everybody, and independent schooling is certainly not for everybody.  They're not bad or wrong, they're just not the right choice for everybody.

At 21, honestly, isn't it time to get past that though and start to get on with your life?  I had really bad experiences in life, a lot of them in jr. high and high school, but I made the decision that they weren't going to determine who I am.  The past was brought on you by your parents' choices; the future is up to you.

Edit - Ok - I'm not speaking as a homeschool mom right now, but as someone who has been through a similar situation.  I wasn't homeschooled, but my mom basically left me to raise myself when I was about 12.  She was busy jumping from job to job, husband to husband, while I was left to try to deal with it.  I'm not saying your mom did that, but I do know what it's like to be left with adult responsibility while still a child.

When I was a teenager, I had limited confidence and friends; I fell in with a not-so-great crowd and nearly demolished my chances of college.  My last 2 years of high school, I decided that I really did want more, pulled my GPA up from a 1.8 to a 3.3, and got into college.  While I was there, I worked my tail off to get the training that I would need, and got help breaking away from the effects of my childhood.  When I was about 20, I made the decision once and for all that yes, my mom pretty much left me out to dry, but the past is in the past.  I could either let it determine the rest of my life, or I could make the decision to start anew.

Well, I decided to start anew.  I was living in another state (for college) where very few people knew me, and I started acting like someone who was confident in both her people and academic skills.  Oddly enough, I made a lot of friends and my grades went up :)  I got married, had a beautiful child (who's now 10), and landed a job that would train me for a professional license.  If I hadn't made the choice that I had - to start over and become who I wanted to be - I really don't think any of that would have happened.  I would have still been blaming my parents, my situation, and the podunk little town I came from for my lack of confidence and ability to make friends.

Today, I have very clear boundaries, as well as a good relationship, with my parents.  I am confident in my skills (enough to both homeschool my son and tutor/teach 50+ other kids) and happy with my life.  I no longer feel the lack of confidence or the fear of rejection, and I don't feel like the people around me won't accept me.  I make my own decisions and help my son to do the same.

Maybe I didn't state it very gently above, but what I said is true.  You really do need to stop blaming the situation, get past it, and decide what you want for your life.  I'm not saying this because I think that homeschooling is the most perfect thing in the world, but because when you blame a concept, there's no way you can get past it.  The concept can't apologize to you, it can't make it right, all it can do is continue to exist as a scapegoat.  It will keep you where you are - it's time to move on.  For your future, for your happiness, and for your ability to impact the lives of others, this really is necessary.

Answer 10

Isn't it interesting how the true-believer homeschooler will say, 'just because you had a bad homeschooling experience doesn't make homeschooling bad,' but then they turn around and say that since they had a bad public school experience, that means that all public schools are bad. And you notice they don't hesitate to blame your mother, or even you, for it. But not the method, god forbid!

You do sound smart, and you figured things out for yourself. Now you have learned the valuable lesson not to homeschool your own children. So it wasn't a total waste.

Keep on educating yourself. And look forward rather than back. I foresee a great future for you.

Edit: And how totally predictable was it that I would start racking up thumbs downs? Smile.

Answer 11

The funny thing is, I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm 15 and my mom went back to work one year ago. However, she still manages to homeschool me, and I take online classes. I'll concede that you probably shouldn't have been homeschooled after that event in your life, but don't blame it on homeschooling. Blame it on your mom. She's the one who "abandoned" you, not homeschooling. As with all things, there's a right way and a wrong way to homeschool. Obviously, you were homeschooled the wrong way. I wish you good luck in your future.

Answer 12

I agree that homeschooling without a responsible parent to closely oversee the education is not the optimal situation, especially if it is not a very motivated and responsible student. But,  I have known many homeschooling students of 14 and 15 who were finished with high school, or working on college credits as they finished high school work.  And there is an entire curriculum, the Robinson curriculum, that is predicated on a student's ability to take supervised responsibility for their own education.  So it is totally dependent on the child.

I do not understand how you participated in "homeschool groups" without a parent at home, however.  Although I suppose anything is possible.  And remember....according to your post......you were 10 when you left public school.  Kiddos tend to be somewhat nicer at 10 than they are in middle school and high school.  So regarding the "bad" kids , to compare how children relate to one another at 10 and 15 might be more related to age than schooling choices.  

All that said......it has been 3 years since you have finished high school.  The only way to rebuild confidence is go to college and learn.  Or get a job and do well.   You are no longer a child and it is time to move on.   To blame your last 3 yrs. of homeschooling for your life as an adult is really futile and a waste of time.  Time to move on...you do not need to associate with the "bad" kids anymore.  Go forth and live and learn!

Dear RK:  No one that I can see stated that all public schools are bad.  I can honestly say that I have never met a homeschooler who felt that way.  Homeschooling is not a panacea.  Nor is public, nor private.  Each child has educational needs that are as unique as the child himself.  What works for one child and family at one stage of their life may not be effective at another.  I think that maybe you are reading things into these posts that are not really there.  We are generally pretty passionate about our homeschooling experiences because it is such an all consuming part of our families lives.  Isn't it a positive thing for people to view their lives in a positive light?   Isn't it much healthier to be happy with your lives than to be bitter and feel as though your lives is spiraling out of your control?   Our passion and joy at the experiences we have with homeschooling are not a condemnation of you or your choices in life.  It is just a sharing of what we have found, lifestyles that work for us and things we have learned along the way.

   Every time the issues and difficulties in public schools come up, there is a consensus that increased parental involvement with a child's education generally results in a more successful outcome.  Yet, when families assume total  responsibility for their children's education .... there is an element that takes issue with that.  We will never be able to please everyone, so I suppose we need to learn to live and let live.    <smile>

Answer 13

I am sure there are other kids who had a bad experience.  That doesn't make homeschooling bad though, it makes homeschooling *the way* that particular family did it bad.

There are also a lot of people who have had awful experiences in Public School, I was one of them.  I was treated like an outcast, teased, laughed at, excluded, and beat up.  And the teachers didn't care!  This went on from about 2nd grade until 12th, with no relief, no escape, no recourse unless I wanted to become violent, which I never had in me.  I would have given up my right to be homeschooled.

As you said, your experience was good until your mother started leaving you alone all day... that is a slightly different issue.  I really don't think 14 is old enough to spend that much time alone, a few hours sure, but not all day five days a week.  Your mom should have either found someone to stay with you and supervise you, or should have put you in school, because homeschooling takes parental involvement.

Its very sad that you went through that, but you did work hard and graduate... that's good!  It shows that you are self motivated.  Now use that motivation to get past your negative experiences!

As far as not having quality friendships, I can tell you that very few people continue their High School friendships longer than a year after graduation... sure, some do, but usually they all go their separate ways.  So even if you had been in school, you would probably have to make new friends now anyway.

So basically, I am not discounting your negative experience, you did have a bad experience and have a right to speak about it and be upset about it.  I am however just wanting to point out that realistically, if you had gone to Public School you might have had a worse experience, or a better one, there is really no way to tell now.  So rather than think about the "what ifs" of your past, I encourage you to look to your future and ask yourself, "What can I do to make it great!"

RK, you'll notice that I did not say that all Public Schools are bad, I just said there is no guarantee that she would have had a better experience with Public School... it could have gone either way.  I also didn't blame her.  I do believe her mother made a mistake in choosing to leave her alone for so many hours, but I didn't put her mother down for it.

Answer 14

I know one girl for whom homeschooling became a negative thing. It was something along the lines of what you are describing: she was 13/14, at home by herself all the time because her mom was a single mom and was working. The two finally decided that it wasn't in her best interest and she ended up going to school. She doesn't regret at all her time homeschooling, though, just feels that it was right for a while and when it was time to change, it was time to change.

I know yet another (formerly) homeschooled girl who was pulled out of school at some point to homeschool. She never liked it. She was way too caught up in the school social scene--clothes, gossip, cliques... Her mother, after several years, finally decided that no amount of homeschooling was going to get her to change that focus and put her back in school. Her siblings (6 of them) are happy and fine homeschooling.

I've only met one other homeschooler (a girl, yet again) who didn't like being homeschooled, but she had been pulled out against her will in jr. high and was the type of girl who was very caught up in appearances. She was so caught up in this superficiality that she was embarrassed to have other homeschoolers know she homeschooled. I hope her mom will be able to make homeschooling a positive influence on this girl.

If I might ask you a question, why do you blame homeschooling and not HOW you were homeschooled? It's a shame you were left in a situation you weren't equipped to deal with; that doesn't mean that homeschooling was the problem. If you'd had siblings and a parent who was at home and you'd made friends (which is how it is for 99% of the homeschooling families I personally know), do you think you'd have still regretted homeschooling? Why do you regret those first 4 years of homeschooling when it was only the last 4 years that weren't right? I could see regretting not choosing to go back to school at 14, but to regret the whole thing doesn't make sense to me from a logical standpoint.

Btw, if you ever delve into psychology, one of the things you will learn is that it is not circumstances that dictate our feelings, especially once we are adults and have the mental capacity to understand such things; it is our thoughts about the situation. Someone else could have been in exactly the same situation as you and not have any regrets whatsoever.

ADDED: Since somebody seems to have a problem with homeschoolers pointing out that it's HOW it's done, I'll say this: homeschooling is a reflection of parenting. You can't say parenting is bad when it's a particular way of parenting that obviously reaps certain effects. NOBODY said that all public schools are bad and an inference otherwise is faulty logic.

Answer 15

I would not say you had a bad homeschooling experience, I would say you had a bad parenting experience. You were not ready for that kind of independence and your mother should have seen that and adjusted your education to fit your personality.

EDIT: RK, who said that? No one. You made it up. She said they had a bad public school experience, she did not say public school was bad because of that. That was your own addition. Are you completely off your nut to try to make false claims about what others write, in plain view of what they have written?

Meanwhile, adjusting this girl's education could have meant returning her to public school. No one said homeschool was her best or only option here, just that homeschool was not the major failing in this scenario.