Anyone got some time to read and critique a poem?

Question

I'll have to submit this poem in parts. It has 4 verses - please wait 'til they're ALL on display before submitting comments, thanks.

FRIENDS

I'd like someone to be a friend to me,

someone who'd pop 'round for a cup of tea,

or 'phone to ask just how I'm getting on

and really want to know - was not a 'con',

and no more than a ruse while 'on the make'

to see how much from me that they can take -

to drain my cash, my life, my very soul

and leave a dark and aching, gaping hole

in place of where my heart once used to be.

Alas, I have no friend who cares for me.

Answer 1

I personally thought the poem was good.

It sounds depressing, though.

Answer 2

If you want it criticised as a work of art... it lacks the subtelty and literary illusian that a amster such as Blake or wordsworth would give it. COmparing it to the masters, there is some eprsonification missing- there are not metaphors, no simalies to emphasise the loneliness and despair...

But why should it be compared to the past masters? Poetry isn't just written for people like us to criticise it, or for us to enjoy it. It is also a personal release and in that sense your poem does have feeling, and it is far from terrible with good structure and rhythm aswell as subject matter.

It is a poem that would make Alan Bennet or perhaps John Betjeman proud in that it is a reflection of a part of life, ordinary life (especially emphasised with the reference to a 'cup of tea') that is disarming in it's honesty written with a simplicity whioch perhaps adds to rather than detracts from its meaning, as in Blake's 'SOngs of Innocence'.

Answer 3

I probably won't read the others because I think this one is enough to get a sense of where you're going. My response, too literal.

NEXT RESPONSE

I was right

Answer 4

I was gonna bash you and tell you it sucks, but actually it's not that bad.  It's ok.

Not real uplifting though, is it?  You need to go out and find someone to play with.

Answer 5

Hmm. Okay, I guess. Sounds like a 'performance' poem. Last verse is the best.