Anyone have any advice on this?

Question

I am starting to fall in love with the guy I am seeing, and I think he may be with me also. I am 31 and he is 40. He is the most amazing man I have ever met in my life. I have been in so many awful ones, and one abusive relationship, so this one sure is something special to me. He just has so much respect for women in general, and that is just so amazing to me. He treats me like a princess. The problem you ask? Well, I have a 9 year old right now, and I want more kids someday. Well, this guy is "fixed" so he cannot have children. And he doesn't want any more either! He doesn't like the hassel of babies and all that, but he loves my daughter. He is extremely against ever having any! So, what does a person do in my situation. Do you give up your dreams of more kids someday for this guy, or stop right here and not go any further? To me, giving up having kids is a big deal to me. I didn't find out he was "fixed" until recently by the way. What do you think? Please no mean answers. Some people come on here as a joke and say horrible things for fun. Please don't do that to me.

Answer 1

Which is more important: more children or true love? You already have a child but you have yet to hold on to a good man. Stay with the guy - maybe down the road he'll change his mind. If not, isn't it better to be with a guy you love than a guy who's not quite as good but will bear you children?

Answer 2

Search your heart dear.The answer will come to you.

Answer 3

You need to decided what's more important to you,  having more kids or this man.  If you are set on wanting to have more kids then now is the time to let this guy go.  If you really want this guy then you have to make sure you are ready to give up your dream of having more kids.

Answer 4

If you want another child and he can't have any, would you consider adoption? Many children are given up and left without families to love them, but they deserve just as much love than your own children. Maybe consider getting one who is already a child. No baby hassles there. Talk to him and try to compromise.

I would think that if he loves you like you love him, he would at least let you have another child.

However, the hard part is that he never told you about being fixed. I mean, for a young woman this is major and if he doesn't tell you this, what would his reason be? If it was because you wouldn't care about him, he was being selfish and what he did was wrong.

I wouldn't give up on having kids. This is something that means a lot to you and he should respect that. But there are other ways to have children. Look at those ways and see if he can agree with them.

- - - - - If this was me, I would take children over any guy. I would rather have kids and love and raise them to be great people because I find that more challenging and fun. Having a guy you love is different since there are lies involved many times. There are issues you can't really fix as well. At least with kids, you can teach them to be themselves and to be good people. Giving yourself to children is better than giving yourself to a man who doesn't want the same things you do because deep down, it hurts you that he doesn't want what you want. If he can't sacrifice his not wanting kids thing for you why should you sacrifice your wanting kids for him?

Answer 5

you'll always regret giving up a dream for a guy. i wouldn't do it. i want a ton of kids! even if you talk yourself out of wanting more now, in a few years those emotions will probably come back and cause trouble in your marriage. tough situation!

Answer 6

Sometimes it can be reversed...

Talk it through seriously with him. Ask him if he's absolutely sure that he wouldn't change his mind.

Depending on his answer, make a decision about the relationship.

Answer 7

What a tough decision!

What you have to ask yourself is what you're willing to give up more: A relationship that is REAL and that you KNOW is good, or the DREAM of having more children in the FUTURE. You already have a beautiful daughter, so it's not like you'll never be a mom. (Considering that he does not want to have children and he likes your daughter is wonderful.)

Have you ever considered that even if you tried again, you might not get pregnant? I know it's a long shot, but no one knows, right?

If it was me, I'd go with the sure thing and stay with him. He sounds wonderful, and you're already a mom.

Good luck!