Anyone have any opinions about this?

Question

well, first of all i know it's my own decision and i'm the one who has to make it and everything, but i was just wondering what ppl thought i should do and everything. ok. i'm having trouble deciding where i wanna live right now, be it my mom or my dad. i live with my dad right now and have for 8 years but recently i've started to feel like an outsider there. my stepmom won't talk to me for some reason and somtimes my dad and i fight (not physical, argumentive). i've spent the majority of summer at my mom's who lives at most 30 minutes away from my dad's house. anyways i've had a lot of fun and everything. but my mom has told me i'm always welcome and this subject came up earlier today. i'll be getting my license in february and my dad won't help me with buying a car and he's also gonna make me pay for my own insurance. i'm ok with the insurace, but i'm only a babysitter and don't get enough money to afford a car. not only that but there are just tons of things he doesn't help me on including transportation to school activities and sports. my mom has offered to take me to school every morning and pick me up through open enrollment. i don't want it to sound like i would only move in with my mom b/c she and my stepdad will get me stuff and get me a car and stuff cause i'm not like that. that's not why i would wanna move in with her at all. however, if i try explaining this to my dad everything will be blown out of proportion. for example, a few months ago i decided to tell my dad that i was having thoughts about moving in with my mom and everything went downhill and we got into a huge fight and he told me that night that i had to make a decision and he wouldn't allow me to leave any other time if i wanted to, not that he can prevent me b/c the divorce papers state we can leave and move to the other parent's house whenever we plz. but anyways, i just don't know what to do and i wanna talk to my mom about it and then my dad but i can't. it's just too hard and i don't want my mom to have to waste gas everyday taking me to school. but i don't wanna just up and leave my dad, although i have done it to my mom once =[. i'm just confused about everything. yes, i'm happier at my mom's sometimes, but i just don't feel like i can do that to my dad. i'm more worried about making him happy than making myself happy. and i know he is going to assume i'm only considering moving in with my mom b/c she said she would get me a car. this doesn't even begin to explain everything, but i wanted it to be as short as possible so i didn't drone on and bore ppl. i just want opinions on what i should do and maybe some advice on how to approach my parents on this subject. sorry for the length, and all answers are greatly appreciated.

**also, if u need any more info regarding this subject, let me know on here, of just e-mail me at [e-mail]**

-Heather

Answer 1

OMG Heather!  That's a horrible decision to make.  It sounds like your dad is unhappy about something - probably not you, but he may be overreacting.  Does your dad & mom get along when they are in the same room together?  If not, that could be a reason why he had the reaction he did a few months ago.  Also, is your dad under a lot of stress on the job?  Or is your stepmother talking about you to him behind your back?  It's hard to say what the reason is, but if you've always gotten along with your dad until a few months ago, then it's time you sit down with him - alone - and tell him that you don't understand why you 2 are always arguing lately.  Maybe he has a reason.

As for living with your mom, sure it would be "easier" for you in the long run, but as you say, that's not what you're after.  You are a normal teenager who doesn't want to hurt either parent - not really.  But - if you can't work things out with your dad, then you have to do what is best for you, and if it means moving to your mom's house, then so be it.

As far as her driving you to school & other things, see if you can get yourself to school & back without getting a ride from her...maybe ride in with a friend, or take the school bus or the city bus (if those are options for you).  There is always an alternative than the one we are presented with, if we only think about it for a while.

I hope you are able to work it out with your dad.  He may have his reasons about why he doesn't want to buy you a car.  (but the other stuff, I think he's wrong)  Oh - and one other thing...if you move to your mom's house, you are not just "up & leaving your dad" - it's not like there wasn't any warning...He needs to be adult about it and understand that you have to do what's right for you.  Assure him that you will still talk to him - every day if he wants - or stop by to see him to let him know you haven't forgotten about him.  I'm sure he loves you very much, just like your mom.

Good luck....I hope it all works out for the best for everyone.