Anyone have some advice?

Question

My boyfriend just left me....as childish as that sounds. I am just hurting very badly right now. He lived with me for 9 months now....and we got along great. We did not technically break up, but he said he had to go home to take care of some issues. This situation would not be so bad if he did not originally live across the country. I am from Oregon, he is from Kentucky. We have known for about a week that he was leaving, but it seems to just have made things even more difficult for me. The counting down of the days and hours almost drove me into a frenzy. There just did not seem to be enough time to get all the touches, kisses, and conversations that I wanted and needed. He says he will be back in 6 months to a year....and I want so to believe him....but I am just not sure anymore. We had originally met online through yahoo, ironically. Mind you, I am not a child....I am 23 years od...but he is the first man whom I truly love(d). I have a little boy who is four. I chose not to tell my son what was going to happen. I would just stir up the questions; besides, I had no idea how to explain it to him; relationships are so complicated. I don't know if I did the right thing or not. My boys were so close to each other....my son was practically attached to his hip. I just don't know what to do with myself. I am hurting so badly right now..... I know everything will be OK in time....but I still want some reassurance and would love to hear your thoughts on what I should do...and if I did the right thing in not telling my son... Thank you

Answer 1

Oh my gosh honey I feel for you! That must be a heck of a lot to go thru...I feel your heartbreak and I wish there was a better way to help.

I think you need to tell your son. He's all you are going to have in a few days, and he needs to be able to put his trust in you. Four year olds don't cope with change very well, so if he is shocked to see your boyfriend go, things could go very badly. Also, telling him yourself will help you get out of YOUR shock and see the reality of the situation.

I understand you are in love and at this time you can't think of anyone else you'd rather be with. But like you said, relationships are complicated. Get with some girlfriends after he leaves, treat yourself, and stay in touch with him. Once things die down, evaluate what you want to do. Wait for him and see what happens, or get to know some more people. This is the first man you've loved...and there's no rule that says there can only be one.

The first cut is the deepest...But it will get better soon hon, just believe it.

Answer 2

Your bf is a cruel heartless monster, this year send him a t-shirt for xmas that says "satan" on it and a cap with horns if he's not back by that time.  4 yr old children do know what's going on.  My dad took a business trip to Germany for 3 weeks when my lil sis was 4 and totally knew what was up and asked about him EVERYDAY when he was going to return!  I don't  know what to do, I don't have a kid but I would at least try to explain to lil buddy what's happening.  Kids are alot smarter and more aware of their surroundings than you may think.

Answer 3

you should hang out with your buds..and in time you'll forget about it.

Answer 4

I truly don't think there was a right or wrong way for you to have reacted in this situation.  Not to insult your boyfriend, but if he was that close to your son, doing this to him was heartless and he is the one who should have been explaining things to him to try to make it easier.  He sounds selfish, with no regard for your son's emotions.  The only advice I can give is to 1) See if your boyfriend will talk to your son on the phone at a scheduled time every week and 2) Do not tell your son that he intends to come back, in case he doesn't come back.

Answer 5

If you are hurting so bad, think how your son feels. He is too young to understand, all he knows it that this person he wa attached to is gone. Please put your feelings aside and make your son your first priority right now, and please do not bring anyother men into your home. It would be devastaing for your son to have to go through this again.