Anyone here a reformed bully? What are your insights?

Question

I am a reformed victim and realise my part in it by not being able to put up boundaries.

I have been working on my end of the dynamic -

Anyone with personal insights about the persecutor end on the triangle?

What have you learned?

Answer 1

i never used to class myself as a bully but i was mean to others and called them names and because i was in with the in crowd i suppose they were scared of me! now i am older i realise that it is bullying and i am ashamed of it. i have children now and one of them has juevenile acne and is teased all the time at school and it made me realise my own floors as a child, i am able to see that it is part of growing up and if people see a weakness they will use it to try and make themselves more popular, i can say i am ashamed of my behaviour as a child and have met people i used to be mean to as an adult and apologised for the way i treated them, they are the better people as they have accepted it.  

Answer 2

I was not a bully but I was the guy that people didn't mess with, but then some did and had left the school in an emergency vehicle of some sort.  I was a quiet guy but I knew how to fight and people wanted to pick on me because I was so slow, and I was the white kid in an all black school.  I learned violence is not an answer that is permanent it is only a way of someone hurting another to prove a point.  I can fight if my life is in danger, I can also walk away from many confrontations.

Answer 3

I hate bullies and have always put a stop to them and their wicked ways.

Answer 4

i was bullied for a long time.. i then figured i might as well become a bully my self.. i picked on people alot all through out middle school.. i saw some one make one of my victims cry they where making fun of his shoes... i learned he was a foster kid.. i kind of changed my ways after that... i went back to being picked on after that but always looking out for those smaller/weaker than me.. i got in numerous fights with people picking on me and got suspended numerous times..

Answer 5

I have been a bully myself. I have been the bully as well as the victim of my own bullying. This might sound strange to you, but this is true. I think this to be true that sometime the biggest bully in our lives is no one else but us. I use to have bullying thoughts, criticizing thoughts about my imperfections and weaknesses, about my personal performance as well as my general appearance. They used to keep me perpetually sad and angry. I used to get hooked on the guilt of every little thing that as a child I thought I did wrong.

I often used to think myself to cold sweats about embarrassing situation of the past, however they might had had happened. I think when I was a little too young to understand the importance of my person as in parity with other people of the same world, when too many impressive things used to became my standards, I took lead in speaking for all the people I believed are better than me, and also for the big wide world. The triangle you mentioned here was not valid then, as I could not call myself against myself, as I have said before were the bully and also the victim of my own crime.

But since that time I have progressed both mentally and experientially. The experience has taught me many a valuable things, and a good education coupled with keen observation, has helped a great deal along the way to understand all things better. Then I also understand myself better than ever before. I no longer see anything, including myself, as I used to see. I try to see all things from various different angles, points-of-views, perspectives and reasons. Then I also like to compare and contrast things to ascertain their relative worth and value in the world. I understand now that if we allow only one situation, as a person or a thing to take hold of your mind, they get unrealistically and often painfully exaggerated.

I have leant to examine my thoughts by observing them, by letting them pass, just by becoming aware of them. I try not to shake them off my mind, as all things have their reasons. I question my attitude, but I do not make promises that everything in my life should change. I realise self-trust and self-respect engender trust and respect in other people. Confidence is ability that we all have a natural capacity for, and that confidence like smile is contagious. I feel that my inner friend has woken up, and it has taken over the seat that once was occupied by a ruthless persecutor.

Answer 6

I haven’t been bullied or felt the need to bully others. I find cowards tend to prey upon the weak, already broken and vulnerable. Parked outside a school it is easy to discern the children likely to be bullied.

They literally have a vulnerable victim look about them. The one instance a girl in junior school approached me. Just the look of her filled me with dread. I became sick and Daddy noticed, went to see her father who punished her.

It made me aware of the vulnerability of life. Another bullied youngster spent all his childhood escaping school to evade the bullies, and lost out on his schooling. Hence my loathing of bullies.

I find whether in the playground, workplace or socially there seems to be, especially in groups of women, a herding upon the gentle or broken ones.

Still to this day I could not witness a bully verbally or physically pushing around an innocent.