Anyone know any good muslim jokes?

Question

not racist ones

Answer 1

a man sees a woman being mauled by a dog and saves her .

next day the newspaper read - hero saves woman from dog ..

the reporters rush to him * click snaps..*interview - ".. you saved her life..so tell us what your name is .."

man : " am ahmad yusuf "

the very next day the newspaper read -" muslim terrorist attacks dog"

Answer 2

Islam is not a race dumb@$$ it's religion

so the jokes will be an insult for Muslims as a religion i can take the race or nation jokes but not a religion one

edit: i know funny ones but they are  really insult to Islam and Haram .

Answer 3

Two palestinian women in a dress shop, trying them on, one says to the other "Does my 'bomb' look big in this?"

Answer 4

A Pakistani dies and goes to Heaven.  He knocks on the gates and St. Peter opens them.  

"What do you want", asks St. Peter.

"I am here for Jesus", says the p**i.

St Peter turns around and shouts, “Jesus, your taxi’s here”

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Two moslem sisters, Meenah and Neenah, have just arrived in the USA. On arrival they spot a hot dog vendor. Meenah says to Neenah, “Look, people in this country eat dogs.”

“Odd!” says Neenah, “but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.”

Nodding, they walk towards the hot dog vendor.

“Two dogs, please,” says Neenah.

The vendor wraps two hot dogs and hands them over the counter. Excited, the sisters hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their ‘dogs’. Meenah is the first to open hers. She stares at it for a moment and begins to blush with joy. Then she leans over to Neenah and whispers cautiously, “What part did you get?”

Answer 5

Yep

A muslim man was driving and accidently killed a deer on the road, then he goes

"Alhamdullilah it died halal"

Answer 6

Ultra!

long time no see!

Well Israelis arent welcome here!

and p**i Chap, thats not a muslim joke, but you know whta is,

you!

Answer 7

The Imam of a masjid, who was also a father of two young children, was about to enter the majid to give the Khutbah (Friday sermon). Before he entered he reminded them to be quiet - especially when he is giving his khutbah.

He then asked his children, "And why is it necessary to be quiet during Jummah?"

Little Ahmed jumped up and yelled, "Because people are all sleeping!"  

Answer 8

this is a pick up line :P

is ur dad a terrorist?

cause ur da bomb!

Answer 9

Oh my gosh! I just saw part of your hair, now you're obliged to marry me.

2. Our parents engaged us when we were little; they must have forgotten to tell you.

3. I'd like to be more than just your brother in Islam.

4. To watch you pray is a sin of its own.

5. Will my platinum VISA cover your dowry?

6. You can't play basketball with a jilbab on; marry me and we can go one-on-one our entire life.

7. Muslims are supposed to have many children, and I am more than willing to do my part...

8. Will you help the cause of the Ummah by helping me fulfill my deen?

9. Wanna pray in jamaat? Shoulder to shoulder, feet to feet?

10. Assalamualaikum, so what time does a hurain like you have to be back in Heaven?

11. What school of thought do you follow, because I thought about you all through school.

12. Can I have your Wali's phone number?

13. So, read any good Surahs lately?

14. Do you believe in the hereafter? Oh, you do? Then you know what I'm hereafter.

15. Would you like to see my collection of Bukhari's?

16. Let's get married so I don't have to lower my gaze every time you walk in the room.

17. Didn't we meet when I went on Hajj/on the day we testified Allah was our lord?

18. Is your dad a terrorist, 'cuz you da bomb!

19. I've had to fast every day since I first saw you.

20. That Noor on your face really brings out your eyes

21.Do you work for the FBI ? Because you've just abducted my heart.

22... Are you a Shiite? Because when I saw you, I said to myself, "She aiight".

23. Do you wanna date? I bought a box full when I went to Madinah.

24. Girl, you fine. I see praying five times a day has paid off.

25. That's a nice burqa. Can I talk you out of it?

26. I need to break my fast. Can I have a date?

27. I didn’t trip over my robe, I fell for you.

28. I know Halal meat does a body good, but d**n, how much you been eatin'?

29. You remind me of the Ka'aba..I could walk around you all day long.

30. Wanna pray in jamaat, shoulder to shoulder, feet to feet?

31.You must be the Buraaq, because I wanna ride you all the way to heaven.( Thinking of taking this one out..)

32. "*guy looks under girls hijab* "sorry, i was looking for the made in jannah tag"

33. "After seeing you, the first thing I said was Mashallah. The next was Inshallah!"

34. I must have died a shaheed and gone to heaven because you are my 72 virgins all in one. 35. I need to break my fast. Can I have a date?

36. I didnt trip over my thobe, I fell for you.

37. Can I have ur number so I can wake you up for fajr?

38. I know Halal meat does a body good, but d**n, how much you been eatin'?

39. Would you like to share my prayer-mat?

40. *Looks around girls hijab* "sorry, I was looking for the made in jannah tag"

41. You can be the queeen of my Hurs anyday.

42. After seeing you, the first thing I said was Mash'Allah. The next was Inshallah!

43. Just say out loud - MASHA'ALLAH!

44. My name is BlackSeed, I do the body good.

45. Is it me or is it getting a lil halal in here?

45. I'm not sure of the Nikah process. Can you help me through it?

46. I just made dua for YOU.

47. Do u remember me?...from the alam al-arwah (9th heaven - where the spirit of the person lives on ever since the first creation of the person in purely spiritual form, together with all other human spirits)

48. I think I just lost my wudu by the sight of you

49. Sister, please ask your ammi to invite me for a cup of chai

50. You are the reason why hijab was mandated.

51. Have your ammi call my ammi

52. You're so beautiful, even hur al-ayn would be jealous

53. I dont need mahr...YOU are my mahr

54. I'm one of the few guys to get a hur al-ayn not only in the Next Life but in this one as well

55. You are the coolness of my eyes.

56. I love the way your Abaya flows when you walk

57. If i become a shaheed i will get 72 of you!

58. So.. Where is your Wali?

59. Nice ankles. Very nice.

60. I'm not staring, I'm just enjoying my first and only allowed look.

61. Your face shines with so much nur that it could launch a thousand (Jihadi) ships

62. Sister, you are a hijabi fitnah.

63. I'm new here, can you take me to the closest masjid?

64. Allah created everyone in pairs, so what are you doing, single?

65. Wow, are you a decendent of Yusuf (as)??

66. You shine with so much nur that you could light up a room..in my heart

67. You make me realise why we're asked to lower our gaze so much

68. Your feet made me lower my gaze.

69. Praise be to Allah, who created you so beautifully full of nur

Answer 10

Haha@ blow up so fast.

Well that's just stupid 'cos Muslims don't drink anyway!