Anyone know any hilarious jokes??

Question

nothing dirty or anything, only clean ones and nothing too tremendously long .... thx

Answer 1

But that gets rid of all of the good jokes!

Answer 2

...whaddya call a filipino contortionist?

...A manilla folder lol

...can you people please answer mine now?  Theyre under my profile but sorry my computer wont let me put hyperlinks.  NOONE has been answering them btw, which makes it more probable you will get the best answer.

Answer 3

joke1

A woman's dishwasher had stopped working, so she called a repairman.

He couldn't accommodate her with an evening appointment, and since she had to go to work the next day, she told him "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. By the way, dont worry about my Rottweiler. He wont bother you. But, whatever you do, do not under any circumstances talk to my parrot!"

When the repairman arrived at her apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen. Like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business. However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with its incessant squawking and talking.

Finally the repairman couldn't stand the parrot's talking any longer and he told the bird to be quiet.

The parrot replied, "Get him, Brutus!"

joke2

One day, a mailman was greeted by a boy and his dog. The mailman said to the boy, "Does your dog bite?"

"No," replied the boy.

Just then, the dog bit the mailman.

"Hey, "he yelled. "I thought your dog doesn't bite!"

"He doesn't," replied the boy, "but that's not my dog."

joke3

Did you know that studies have indicated that diarrhea is actually a hereditary disease?

Yep… It runs in the jeans!

joke5

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

joke6

If it's true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings.

Answer 4

See in this joke how punctuation errors can lead to deaths! XD

A panda enters a café and orders a sandwich and a cup of coffee. After he's done eating, he gets out a gun and shoots all the patrons in the café. The panda was already at the door when the surviving waiter asks, "Why did you kill the customers?" The panda doesn't answer, but instead throws a Panda Guidebook to the waiter and tells him to go to page 68. The waiter does so, and it said:

WHAT DO PANDAS DO?

EAT, SHOOTS AND LEAVES.