Anyone know some funny quotes/sayings?

Question

Anyone know some funny quotes/sayings?

Answer 1

boys are like clowns. they try to make you smile yet they scare you at the same time.

i said your boyfriend was g*y and he hit me with his purse.

i don't suffer from insanity i enjoy every minute of it.

i hate life. that's why i ran in front of a truck. but they saved me and now i'm a vegetable. now i don't know that i hate life, but somewhere in those damaged tissues i call my brain, i know i hate life.

if at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

god made man, knew he could do better, and made woman.

if you didn't have feet you wouldn't wear shoes. then why do you wear a bra?! (mean, but i thought it was funny...)

Answer 2

If voting could really change things it would be illegal.

Please do not throw cigarettes in the urinal... "....Because it makes them difficult to light...".

A billion Chinese can't be wrong: eat rice.

A Woman's rule of thumb: "If it has tires or testicules, your going to have trouble with it."

Answer 3

Don't be a jive *** Turkey so close to Thanksgiving.

"It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a women's separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation." - Eric Cartman

“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” -Winston Churchill

“Seven beers followed by two Scotches and a thimble of marijuana and it's funny how sleep comes all on it's own.” - David Sedaris

“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.” - Oscar Wilde