Anyone mind reading my short story?

Question

It is incomplete though, and this is all I have so far. What do you think? I'm looking for some feedback on it, but I haven't gotten any on the website I posted it on so far. So I was hoping to get some feedback on here. Thanks.

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/DeadCharlie/311715/

Answer 1

It's really great. I absolutely love it, great descriptions. I would love to read more of it!

But I would change one thing:

"The young aspiring author found the vacant small brick building, and happily went on opening his shop naming it Tyler’s Place."

You don't need to say "the young aspiring author" again, because you already said it previously. I would just say "the young author" or "the author"

Hope I helped

:]

Answer 2

I found it interesting. The word choice was not superb but I found myself wishing for more as I reached the end. It would be nice to hear the rest of the story...

It needs a bit of editing that is all, but as do so many brilliant stories. You started out describing the weather and the day and then 3 paragraphs later you say it was an average day, when above you described it as an UNaverage day. I also agree with the suggestion of the person above me.

But other than that, Keep on writing!