Anyone on here adopted? if so, i have a question for you..?

Question

when you found out you were adopted... Did you wonder why your real parents gave you up...? or were you mad at them? I don't think I'd ever be able to give my baby up for adoption because i think that if he/she ever came to find me i'd be worried about some of the questions they would ask... thats why I'm asking.

Answer 1

I have wondered for many years why they gave me up.  I had guesses and suspicions, but I wasn't sure until I found my first mother earlier this year.  One thing I can say is that I was never mad at them.  I thought I had a sense of what had happened.  But I also wondered about them and missed them.  I always felt out of place.  Finding my first mother has answered several of my questions, and she has been very accepting of me.  It's been helpful for both of us.

Answer 2

i was adopted by my grandma along with my deaf sister..we have 2 other sisters one which none of us has ever met and one brother...i can remember people sayin bad things about my mom but i didn't listen to them cuz i wanted to find out on my own. when i did meet my mom and finally ask her why did she leave us like she did she just told me some bull c**p story and blamed everyone else for her problems. i met her when i was 13 and my younger brother and sister it was like a dream come true i thought but it turned out to be the worst thing i ever done. so yes you should be worried about the questions they will ask because they will ask....if you ever had to give your child up for adoption be sure you have a good reason to do so.

Answer 3

my parents were drug addicts and i was adopted at 13 and yes i am 13 so i got adopted this year my grand mother adopted me and  i love it but i lived with her for the lats 12 years of my life also questions were y did you give me up whats up with all the drugs and y me i hate my life i asked my self y me all the time

Answer 4

Very bothersome, I was put up when I was seven, because they (parents) died, so not really mad

Answer 5

I think maybe it bothered me for a while, then it didn't any more because my adoptive parents are my "real" parents as far as I am concerneed. I realized I really didn't care who my birth mother was. I know that sounds cold because I don't know the circumstances of my adoption, mabye it was beyond her control, but I'm happy with the family I have now. I don't care why she gave me up because she did me a favor. Even if things weren't what you'd call perfect, or even normal some times, it has all led me to where I am now, and I love my life. Knowing her might be something else to have to stress on maybe. Either way, I'm happy not knowing or going to find her.

Answer 6

I was about 7 when my parents told me I was adopted. I didn't exactly understand it then but I did as time went on. I don't think I was ever mad at my birthparents because of how well my adopted parents explained it to me. I am 23 now and have been searching for my birthmom since I was about 18 and still haven't found anything yet. I do have alot of questions but mostly I just want to find her and see her, how much I look like her, if I have brothers and sisters. What my dad was like...all those normal kinda things.

Answer 7

I grew up knowing I was adopted.  I didn't wonder why, I just figured they must be murderers and drug addicts, when I met them and they were just normal people, that was hard.  It still is hard.

Answer 8

I was adopted as an infant.  My parents (adopted) were always open with me and I can't remember when I found out because it was always something they shared.  I think it's safe to say that all adoptee's from time to time get mad and displace their anger on their biological parents.  Mainly because it's the easy thing to do.  I can remember being mad at my parents because they wouldn't let me do something and I took my anger out by spewing all kinds of c**p about my biological mother.  

Making a decision to place a child is very difficult but sometimes it's necessary.  For me I always wondered about my birth parents.  I always felt like there was a part of me missing.  So yes I had lots of questions.  There was nothing that my family could do or say to make that gap disappear.  Don't get me wrong as crazy as my family can be at times I love them and know they feel the same way about me.  I was not made to feel different, I was made to feel I belonged which I did and do.  But for me those nagging questions prompted me to search.  I found out why I was adopted and it helped me to come to terms with some of those questions.  Making a decision to search was not an easy one.  Having worked and been apart of adoption support groups for years I knew that there was just as great a chance that the circumstances wouldn't be good.  It took me a long time to make a plan and come to terms with my decision before taking that next step to actually find my birth mother.  I'm sorry to say I was too late but I think it was by God's doing.  She gave me up because she was disabled and died the day I got her name and was buried the day I found where she lived.  Although this was sad I believe it was meant to be this way.  I can't imagine how much harder it would have been to think of her lingering for me or even not really have time to get to know her before it happened.  But all is not lost I've connected with her family and it's been very nice to finally meet someone who can answer some of my other questions.  I consider them more than friends but not really my family.  They are strangers with a genetic past.  The one burning question I always wanted to know was did she think of me.  Her mom said she talked about me all the time and hoped I was happy and healthy.  She talked about searching but was afraid.  The saddest thing for me is not being able to tell her that I am happy and had a wonderful life.  An adoptee's personal experiences and upbringing can have a lot to do with how they feel about their birth family.  Mine was open and positive.  They support me in whatever I do.  Therefore no matter what the outcome I feel okay about who I am and the decisions I've made.

Answer 9

every single question imaginable ran through my head

Answer 10

Emily & (Casey & Jenn),

You sound like wonderful and very mature girls. Please promise that you will never say or think what you said "that maybe you weren't good enough", ever again. You cannot blame yourself for when you were babies. Your birth parents didn't do right by you. Don't blame yourselves for other people's problems, addictions, illnesses, etc. Addictions are a cover up for other people's problems and sadly cause them to only think (if they think at all) about themselves and about their next fix. There's nothing wrong with finding your birth moms someday and asking them questions, but you must not think that it was something you did. Babies are always good!

Co-dependency is not a role you want to take on. Your mother's problems were her own, just as the choices she made. They are not and were not your problems nor choices. It's taken me years of therapy to realize that my parents' divorce when I was 3 years old wasn't my fault but I wasted more than half my life blaming myself, for something I couldn't have possibly been responsible for. You are not responsible for your parent's mistakes, EVER. When you are 18, then you get to hold yourself accountable for things you choose to do in the future but there's no reason to saddle yourselves with guilt for what your birth parents CHOSE to do. Best Wishes to both of you and take care.

PS: no, I'm not adopted but I wish I had been when I was growing up. I'm now the adoptive mother of a darling daughter (who didn't ask  to be orphaned in Russia as a baby.)

Answer 11

I wondered why my mother gave me up. All sorts of questions went thru my head. I was angry with her, but now that i'm older i have realized i was wasting my time being angry. I feel the same as you, I couldn't even imagine giving up a baby that i carried for 9 mths.

Answer 12

I found out I was adopted when I was 37 years old.  Crazy hua? You must be thinking of giving up your baby if you are asking this. Don't worry about what you will feel, or say or do 18 years from now. That is a very selfish attitude.  Do what is best for the baby, even if it means that someday you will be faced with a difficult situation. I actually got to ask the Why question of my birth mom. It really did not matter what the answer was.  Why because  I was very lucky to be raised by loving secure mature parents.  And even though she gave me her excuses, she was none of those things. Nothing she could have said or done would have changed that fact. I did respect that she answered it and all the hard questions I put to her. But I will still never understand why she did it. Not really.   Just do what is best for the baby. That is what a REAL mom does.

Answer 13

When I found out I was adopted and finally understood wut it had meant... I didnt know wut to say. The more I thought about it, the sadder I became. At one point and time, I can honestly say I was very angry at the fact that my bios gave me away. As from a lil background info I was told, my birth mother didnt wanna give me up, but my birth father did b/c i was a mistake. When one finds information out like that, it can kinda juss make u go crazy. Im 20 yrs old now and I still find myself crying every now an then when I read or see something about adoption. Juss brings up all those crazy emotions. I am currently in the process of locating my birth mother, in hopes of really getting the whole story as to wut happened, and maybe this void I have in my life will finally be filled. So I guess in all, I can say I was sad and angry...

Wish me Luck!

Answer 14

i am adopted, my mum and dad told my brother and i when we were very young hat we were specally picked, because they couldnt have any babes.

we were told as we aged that when we were older they would help us find out where we came from.

when i was 18 i read a few books as i wanted to see where i came from.

i have met my birth mother and siblings and i still don't know the full story but i am glad i was adopted.

Answer 15

i am 16 close to 17 in a few months and i was just recently adopted.. everything just got final after 3 in a half months.

my dad is addicted to cocaine and my mom is worthless. she tried to take care of me but just got me involved in drugs and chose the wrong path for me. so i was the one to call children protective services to get help.. i need rehab and i needed someone to love me as a mother and father not just as a friend to do drugs with.. i was not mad that they agreed for me to be adopted i was quite happy..

it all depends on the reason im sure.

if you cant take care of your baby you would want a better life right? so  thats just what my real mother chose.

Answer 16

technically, my parents didnt "give me up for adoption" i was adopted by my grandparents. i lived with them since i was 2, but i was adopted when i was like 10 or something. so the first 2 years of my life i lived with my parents. they were both drug addicts adn they got a divorce. and eventually my granparents went to court to get custody of me but i still had to be able to see my parents and everything. i saw my dad alot because he lived near me. but my mother lived in cali. (i live in tx) so i rarely ever saw my mother, because she pretty much didnt even care about me. well anyways, i got adopted when i was like 10 and i could still see my parents sometimes. well a couple years ago we found out some really really bad stuff about my mother so i am allowed to have no contact with her at all ever. she was pretty much the parent who didnt care (my daddy loves me i know and i get to see him sometimes) but yet i still love her and miss her terribly. its been two years since i talked to her, and even though shes hurt me terribly, i still miss her alot. so to answer your question... no its not that i wonder why they gave me up.. because they didnt "give me up" but i just wonder why they didnt TRY to be good parents. they said they loved me but i think that if they loved me enough, i would be living a happy life with them right now. one of these days when i get older (im 14 now) i will maybe go up to cali to find my mother, and ask her why she never wanted me bad enough to be a good mother to me. was i not good enough? maybe thats not the story? maybe theres something i dont know and i should know? so many questions..!!

well i know this isnt really related to your question and its a totally different situation, but hopefully it helps!

:]

EDITING TO THIS:

well i  jsut read some of the other answers and wow, i couldnt even imagine not knowing at all who my parents were, or why  i was adopted, and why they gave me up, or where they were, or what they looked like, i would want to know so bad! and i would want to meet them or at least see waht they looked like or what their names were.. wow

Answer 17

i believe that children are given up to adoption because the biological parents don't feel that they can give the child the best up bringing. or maybe financially they can't afford it and don't want to get a abortion. they gave you life.... don't be mad at them... i would bet anything that they think about you every single day. they love you or they wouldn't of done what they did. it takes alot of courage to go through something like that.

Answer 18

i wondered if they died or had to give me up because of financial purposes. i'm 19 and i still wonder. but people told me that my parents didnt want me. thats the answer i'm leaning to. now my mother has been trying to contact me and get my number and stuff like that. but, there's no way i ever want to meet her! how can i talk to someone who didn't want me! it gets fustrating but life goes on!

Answer 19

I always knew I was adopted.  I always wondered who my mother was I would try and picture her face in my head.  My adoptive parents were unaware of my feelings and thoughts - to talk about it meant the risk of rejection again and I wasn't willing to risk that.

Once I did open up to my adoptive Mom about how I felt growing up, she was shocked.   She had tried to talk to me as a child, she couldn't have done anything more, but I was clammed up tight.  She always thought I had no interest when the truth was, I was scared to risk abandonment, again and so stayed silent on the subject.

I always thought that I must have been a defective baby in some way and blamed myself.  Just as kids blame themselves when parents divorce

I know now that's not true but, having grown up feeling that, it's a very very hard belief to shake off and just 'get over'  but I'm working on that

I'm not and have never been angry at my birthmom, but I know that may be a repressed feeling that might surface at reunion.  I've heard that happen alot so that's why preparation for reunion is so important

I feel guilty for putting my birthmom through what she went through - I'm only just getting to grips with the fact that it wasn't my fault, I didn't ask to exist.  I just feel so bad for her, I want to hold her and tell her it's ok, that I'm ok.  I want to know if she's ok.  But sealed records won't allow for that.

I was also told the 'chosen baby' story and told how much I was wanted.   But nothing my adoptive parents could have said or done could ever take away the pain of having been first 'unchosen' by my mother

Funnily enough I've never given my father much thought.  And since I got my non-identifying information I am mad at him for  not being a man and stepping up to his responsibility

Answer 20

i was adopted at birth and always knew. i never had 'the talk' it was just a part of life. i dealt well with it until i was about 13 or 14. then i hit a snag. i think my young teen mind just had a rough time gripping what it all meant. but that is such a crappy age anyway. so much is going on and being that different than everyone else just amplified it all.

but i got over it and realized it was ok.

i have never wondered why. i assumed they must have had a good reason, even if it was "they hate me" then i was better off. but that wasnt the reason, and i was better off. they were a mess back then.

i have never been mad at them. ever. i have found them both and have thanked them so many times, but it still does feel like i have told them enough. they are such wonderful people, i love them both dearly.

to be honest, i dont think i could give up one of my children either. it takes broad shoulders and real backbone to make a decision like that, i respect them for that, because i just dont think its in me. i am not that strong or selfless

i have never asked them why, they did tell me, but not because i asked, they needed me to know. i was fine with that, they made the right choice.

they did spend years thinking i would hate them, harbor hostile feelings, deny them. but i didnt. we all welcomed our new lives together with open arms and hearts. they are not 'mom and dad' but i love them just the same.

Answer 21

I was relinquished for adoption at birth.  My a-parents apparently told me very early that I was adopted because I never remember finding out; it was just something I always knew about myself.  I was never mad at b-parents, just overwhelmingly curious.  I finally searched and found b-parents while I was in my 40's.  Now, I know that at the time of my birth, they were healthy, employed, married, and had lots of family support.  So, I understand even less why they placed me in adoption.  However, they did me a great favor by recognizing that they didn't want to raise me.  I have a great a-family!  I consider myself monumentally fortunate!!!