Anyone want to help my poem?

Question

Hey, I'm 14, and I enjoy poetry but I don't really have any advice on it. So could some of you give me advice or critique whatever needs to be on this poem?

Some days I feel like a dancing gust of wind,

New and carefree, swirling throughout my life.

Other days I feel like an old anchor,

Not blemished by rust but by worries and regrets.

My friends are motors to a hot air balloon,

Pulling me back to Earth when I'm too far away,

And lifting me up when I'm too far down.

Who knows what type of dance this wind could lead,

Or how far this anchor could sink.

Answer 1

Thats cool! Dont change it =]

Answer 2

its great!! don't do anything to it, its best the way it is.

Answer 3

i like it! i think you should keep it just the way it is and dont change a thing no matter what anybody says! its wonderful the way it is!!

Answer 4

This poem is absolutely beautiful. I feel blessed to have read it. Thank  you...as it applies so much to my own life and a tough time I've been having.

Answer 5

That is a great poem, please don't change it. I know exactly how you feel. I also sometimes feel like a dancing gust of wind.

I would suggest however that you change "old anchor" to "new anchor". An old anchor would be blemished by rust. And "motors to a hot air balloon" should read something like "wind to a hot air balloon" as hot air balloons don't have motors. And hot air balloons can't get away from earth. Perhaps you should say "My Friends are rockets to my big rocket ship".

May I suggest:

Some days I feel like a big bag of wind,

New and carefree, swirling throughout my life,

Other days I feel like a new shiny anchor,

Not blemished by rust but by worries and regrets but not barnacles.

My friends are rockets to my big rocket ship,

Pulling me back to earth when i'm too far away,

And lifting me up when i'm too far down.

Who knows what dance this bag of wind will make,

Or how far this shiny, barnacle-free anchor could sink.

Answer 6

Its a great, motivational poem. I would keep it the way it is.

Answer 7

its good..submitt it at http://poetry.com/contest/poetrycontest....

u mite win

Answer 8

I write poetry too! I think it is really good. although I could prefer it to rhyme...

Answer 9

Nice poem

i want to suggest a change tho.

far too away

and far too down

Answer 10

That is great! Leave it be, it is great.

Answer 11

Wow! That's really good, the only think i would suggest is that you add more adjectives.

Answer 12

wow! for 14 u write really good. leave it how it is. its great. u should enter a poem contest.

Answer 13

that's really good!!  i like that!

Answer 14

wow thats really GOOD!!!!! try to say somthin about ur family or parents and how they help you :)

Answer 15

i like IT ALOT

Answer 16

Keep the way it is it sound very great and spectacular the way it is.

Answer 17

You should've never posted your poem on the internet.  There's a thing called a copywrite.  It protects your works from getting stolen.  Last I knew, it was $20. for a poem, song, or a book.  Has to be registered w/the govt.  The price may have changed because I looked into it many years ago.  I think it's under Library of Congress then look for copywrite info.  If you're a poet/songwriter, and have a collection, you can get them all copywrited for that small fee, as a book.

There's also a thing called royalties.  If an artist decides to use your peom for a song, every time they sell a CD, or have a concert, you get some of the money because you let them "use" YOUR copywrited words to make their song.  Sometimes, they'll buy your copywrite for a flat price, which will be very good money.

Because you posted it on the internet, it's open for anyone to take because you didn't have a copywrite.  

Better to ask real people in your life.  They'll never remember all the words afterward.  

One day, you may hear your poem in a #1 hit.  Yes, it was very good.  Don't change it, but you may want to add more.

Answer 18

That's a great poem, with good references to how you feel about life. That's the beautiful thing about poetry: there is no "it needs this or that" but only what you feel!