Anyone who has givin a child up for adoption?

Question

What exactly are my rights? Like what is the best thing to do. Im so confused. Im thinking about giving my baby up. Im almost 8 weeks. And well im 16 and my ex boyfriend and I have been talking about abortion and adoption. How did you feel after giving your baby up? Im just scared I cant do it because I am already attatched.

Can I ever see the baby or anything after I do give it up? I don’t know im confused.. really really confused.

Answer 1

If you are already attached then keep your baby. This is YOUR child, noone can tell you what to do. If you give the baby up for adoption, you are signing over your parental rights of the child. I don't think you will be able to see it as you please. If this is a choice between adoption and abortion, go with adoption. Good Luck to you.

Answer 2

If you are already attached to you baby then there really is no question about it.....be as strong and brave as possible talk to your parents and work your butt off to be the best mother you can be!! Good luck! Be Strong!

Answer 3

hey im a child that was given up by my mother but my background is so much more difficult than that. well i know that u can have open adoptions. but i no i will never see my mom agian and that hurts so much. bt dont have an abortion just think your killing something god has made.

if you need someone to talk to then you can contact me at [e-mail]

Answer 4

I have no experience in your shoes - I just wanted to wish you luck in your decision, whatever it may be.  

You don't have to decide right now what to do... you've got a while to think on it.  

My heart goes to you... good luck!

Answer 5

No one can decide this for you but you. You might consider speaking to a counselor about it. If you choose abortion it would be your choice alone. However if you choose adoption then you and the baby’s father would have to agree to it.  

There are open adoptions where you could see the child a few times a year, get pictures, even phone calls when the kid is older.  A semi open adoption is where the birthparent will get updates and photos a few times a year, sometimes it’s done through the agency. So parents send the agency a packet that they forward to the birthparent. Or the other way around if the birthparent is sending something to the family that adopted their birthchild.  Now most states do not enforce open adoption so if the parents felt for some reason they wanted to discontinue  they could. Birthparents also sometimes discontinue open adoptions as well.

You say you are already attached so I would not recommend getting an abortion. You might look at some sources that could help you parent if you want to. Or look into an open adoption of some sort, perhaps even kinship adoption where someone in your family  or your ex-boyfriends family would adopt the baby. I can say that I would much rather know my child was a live, then to know that I had killed him or her.

Answer 6

This is link to a page with multiple stories from women who chose adoption, and how they felt about it.

Answer 7

I gave my baby up in 1972, long time ago, but I have always regretted it, I regret having to live a lie for 30 years, I regret not seeing my daughters first laugh, cry, steps, first day of school, marriage, first child. I regret how my life might have been with her, cause I know how it has been with out her. It is a hurt that never heals. I am telling you this because I have lived it. I don't know about open adoptions but I think that might have been worse, a little contact her and there but never enough. You are very young, I'm sorry you are in the position to have to make a difficult decision. I know nothing about how you might feel after an abortion but I don't think I could have lived with that, but that is just me. I want you to read posts from adoptees and how they feel about being adopted, about not knowing who they are and who they look like and then think about the time you might find your child and she says why me, why did you give me up and keep your other child, what was so wrong with me? Just think about it before you do something you can't change.

Answer 8

While I would normally write my own answer, there are plenty of answers out there waiting to be read and interacted with.  Let me link instead.

This blog post is written by a birthmother to a young woman considering adoption.  (Don't bother reading the comments though, a flame war between adoption bloggers that had been brewing quite some time got out of hand in the comments and it's unrelated to the actual post at hand.)

http://paragraphein.wordpress.com/2007/1...

This is a report by the Evan B Donaldson Adoption Institute discussing how to safeguard the rights and well-being of birthmothers.  It really gets to the point of what you need to be cautious of when preparing for adoption, and what typical feelings birthmothers have after relinquishment.  These are so you can have informed consent with regards to what can happen to you.

http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/researc...

http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/publica...

Keep in mind that your child will also have adoption loss issues too.  No one can promise you that your infant will be just fine like he was born to someone else.  I'm sure some of the adoptees will speak up in answer to your question.

Regardless, one of the better support places to turn towards regardless of which way you lean between parenting and placing is the girlmom web forums.

http://www.girl-mom.com/

Answer 9

My mother gave me up for adoption - her mother pressured her into it.

I had a good life - but I still wish she had kept me.

I had major self worth and self identity problems - and I always questioned in my mind about why I was not important enough to be fought for by my own mother.

Adoption is a long term solution to a short term problem.

There are plenty of young women having and keeping babies out there. You're not alone.

What is 'best' for the child - is staying and living with his/her mother.

Hands down.

If you do decide to go the adoption route - be careful of what adoption agencies 'promise' you - as open adoptions are not legally binding - and you could end up not seeing your child for at least 18 years.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 10

talk to a lawyer who handles child adoption, ask him all these questions, in some cases they permit the moms to sty in touch with the child.

Answer 11

It depends on what adoption agency you go to.  Some agencies will let you have completely open adoptions.  I placed a little girl for adoption 3 years ago, with a very loving family that I picked out for her.  Her adoption is very open, I receive emails and pictures monthly and speak with them every once in awhile on the phone.  We send gifts and cards and pictures in the mail.  I have been able to see her once since she was born..but that is only because that is all I feel I needed. They have invited us several other times to come visit.  I have never once regretted y decision.  I know she is where she belongs, with a good life.  Here is a website for you if you would like to look into it more...http://www.providentliving.org/ses/birth...

Answer 12

Just to let you know, there is NOT ONE PERSON I know who has regretted keeping their child (except people with mental illnesses like schizophrenia), but I know ALOT of people who regret having abortions.  Whatever anyone else says, DON'T DO IT.  You will have to live with that for the rest of your life.  

Unfortunately I don't know anyone who has given up a child for adoption yet, but I know SO MANY great couples who have been trying and trying to get pregnant and are unable to conceive so just know that if you do go with that choice you will be giving someone a very amazing gift.  

One more thing though, I read somewhere that in those 'open' adoptions where you can get updates on your child, the adoptive parents can somehow change this after you they adopt so that you never get any information.  I don't know how true that is, though, since I can't even remember the source.

Answer 13

Good luck to you in whatever you decide....

And to doodleist...you would kill you own child rather than give it a chance at a life!  That's just sick!

Answer 14

hi dear...

i am sorry you are feeling confused.  many young women in your position (myself included) felt exactly the same way and had to make the same decision.

this is why it's important to explore all of your options before making an adoption plan, especially so early in your pregnancy.

also, open adoption agreements are not legally enforceable.  that means that the adoptive parents can promise you the sun, moon and stars to get your baby, and then back out.  

i seriously advise you to speak to someone who can help you with all of your options.  if there is a public health department near you, you can make an appointment to speak with a family planning counselor to help you with your choice.  i would, at this point, stay away from any crisis pregnancy centers or adoption counseling.

ETA: a poster wrote that [paraphrased] "there is not one person i know who has regretted parenting [sic], yet i know many who regretted having abortions."  to that i'll add, "i don't know anyone who has regretted parenting, yet i know many who regretted adoption."

whatever decision you make should be based on YOUR feelings and wants. in other words, it's not your job to give a child to someone just because you can get pregnant and others can't.  (not directed at anyone, just a statement)

Answer 15

KEEP YOUR BABY!!!!!  While I know I relinquished for the right reasons, the pain never really goes away.  And those who keep telling you about open adoptions....FYI: most open adoptions are not legally enforceable.  Once you relinquish, you have no rights to the child.  The adoptive couple can promise photos and/or visits and have no intention of doing so.  If you are unsure, don't do it and don't let your boyfriend talk you into it.  He could very well be trying to get out of paying child support.  Not too many teen parents stay together by the time the child is born.  Even if his heart is in the right place now, it may change down the road.  You're attached.  Don't relinquish.  I know lots of teen moms who ended up being wonderful moms to their children.

Answer 16

definitely talk to your parents or a good adult friend or relative or counselor. Make sure you want to do. And most importantly decide whats best for the child.  You have to live with your desision.  I think adoption is the most unselfish act there is...but honestly don't know if I could let one of mine go.

Answer 17

Talk to your parents.  Your boyfriend shouldn't be the decision maker here because the likelihood of his continued involvement is pretty low.  The best thing for both you and the baby is to either have an abortion or keep the baby.  I would NEVER recommend adoption to anybody unless they were unfit to care for a child or are party animals.  There is no guarantee that your baby would go to caring, loving, parents.  Some adopted children are abused or the parents split up within 3-4 years of the adoption.  Others suffer from abandonment issues and depression.  My son was raised in a home with 2 drunks and suffers from significant depression.

While open adoption is supposed to mean that you have some kind of contact, MANY women report being cut off after a couple of years.  Most states will not enforce open adoption contracts meaning you have no legal say.

Answer 18

Well I was seventeen when I gave my daughter to a very wonderful and deserving couple. It was hard maybe the hardest thing I will ever do in my life. But it was worth it! I thought about abortion, for like a second. I thought about how many good hearted people there are in this world that just try and try and cant get pregnant. I knew I wanted to help them and myself I couldnt keep her I was to young to have the patients and the money plus I knew that I didnt want to be a single mother(my relationship with her father wouldnt last forever). When I decided to put her up for addoption I thought the same things that you did. "Would I ever get to see her again" The answer to that could be yes but most times no at least not personaly. I decided to go with an opened addoption. I get pictures and letters twice a year and every five years I will get a video. Open addoption is a very good thing. It will still be hard you will have to get huge fat and you could get stretch marks(I got em). I still think about her most days and I can always look at her pics anytime I want. It took me a long time probably close to a year to finally b at ease with my choice. But it the long run what I did was a wonderful thing I picked out the couple I wanted too. I dont know if you know that you have a lot of choices. In whatever you do I really hope that you are happy with the choices you make for you and your child. Your child will always be your child. No mater who raises em.

Answer 19

If you are able - keep it.

Answer 20

My best friend gave a baby up for adoption. It was a closed adoption and she did not know anything about her until she was grown. Theadopted girl found her and turned into a stalker. You can arrange for open adoptions where you will have updates on your child from the adoptive parents which might make things easier. There is a third option other than adoption or abortion. If you have family support you could keep your child. Its difficult and changes your life forever but you would most likely have fewer regrets. Talk to a school counselor and your parents to go over all the options. Take your time and think things through so that you make the best decision for you and your child. Good luck.

Answer 21

I gave up a child almost 4 years ago.  If you have any questions feel free to email me.  I know its a difficult decision.

I chose an open adoption and the family and I still send each other letters and gifts.  Some adoptive families can opt out (of open adoption after the baby was born) but mine put thier child first, so I am lucky and it is still open to this day. : )