Anyones partners work away from home?

Question

My fiance (been engaged 18 months, together for 2 and 1/2 years) has been giving an opportunity to do a course that will mean him working away from home ( a 5hr drive) from monday to friday. It doesnt get any more money but he assures me it will provide him with better opportunitites in his work for the future and it will last for between 3-6months. Im delighted he has been given this opportunity but we have very different opinions on the matter. He sees this as a good thing to further his career, make more money to enable a better future for ourselves and save for our wedding. I on the other hand dont like the idea of being on my own night, I like someone looking after me. I feel it will be a massive strain on our relationship not seeing each other and when he does come home at weekends he will prob be tired with travelling and want to see his friends/family etc also leaving little time to ourselves. I dont think your job should disrupt you life like this. But i would never stop him from doing anything he wanted too. Also last year i found him txting another woman, he has admitted it was in a flirtatious mannor but he never cheated on me and i believe him and didnt end the relationship but im worried him working away, meeting new people, me not being there will be dangerous. I do trust him dont get me wrong, but he did betray my trust and its taken me time to build up fully trusting him again. i just think a situation like this is just asking for trouble?

Answer 1

Think about the military spouses/significant others, they go 6-15 months, with only a small 14 day leave perioud, meaning that if their spouse is gone if 15 months, they will only get to come home for 2 weeks during that time!

You have to be able to care for yourself while your partner is gone, if its going to better your future with him, stop being selfish and let him go...

Answer 2

Rethink the marriage. He is cheating.

Answer 3

There are no indications he is cheating.  What stuck out to me was your line about not liking to be alone at night and to have someone look after you.  

You are not 10 years old.  I think this could actually be a good thing for you.  It will help you become a stronger individual.

It's normal to want to look out for the ones we love.  But we do it because we want to, not because we feel like we HAVE to.  You come across as very needy.  In the long run, that can ruin a relationship.  It becomes very tiring for the other person.

Don't hold your fiance back because of your fears.  If he takes this position and the two of you don't work out, I guarantee you, had he not taken the job eventually it wouldn't have worked out either.

Answer 4

Sounds like you really don't trust him. If you don't, then the relationship is over. Admit it and move on.  

Answer 5

you are right, it is asking for trouble. you have to discuss your fears with him and tell him about your concerns with trusting him to be true to you. all you can do is be honest, after all that is what you want from him, right?  

Answer 6

well, I am the one who works away from home.  it is very hard sometimes.  I work during busy hurricane seasons, and I get deployed a long way from home.  the last time I got deployed, I was 900 miles from home.  when I got my deployment, I was told it would probably be six weeks, and it ended up being three months.  so what happened?  I worked six days a week, called my boyfriend every chance I got, and we talked late into the night most nights.  yes, I went out and met new people, I made new friends, I spent some time partying, and I spent some time alone.  but my loneliness for my boyfriend did not lead me to find solace in the arms of another man.  and my boyfriend's loneliness for me did not lead him to find another woman.  we were completely committed to one another.  with another storm looming in the forecast, and another one that hit yesterday, I am awaiting my deployment orders.  we have had the talk, and we know what will happen.  I will go to wherever I am sent, and he will stay home to run his business.  I will get home when I can, which may not be until my orders are done.  I may end up four hours from home, which could put me home every weekend.  or I may end up 16 hours from home like I did last time, which will put me coming home once the job is done.  we both know that this is just a job, and our time apart does not lessen our commitment.

I feel that if you love your fiance, and he loves you, and this opportunity could open doors for him in the future, you need to find some middle ground.  the up side is that he will be home on the weekends, or you could visit him.  making new friends and finding new opportunities does not mean cheating.  and making new friends does lessen the homesick feeling somewhat.  it doesn't replace being surrounded by people you know and love, your true friends back home, but it does help in getting by.  (you didn't say if he was out of town when the flirtatious text messages took place, but if he wants to cheat, he doesn't have to be out of town to do that.)  you can even come to an agreement about when and how long visit with his family and other friends will take place.  you can say, "I know that you want to see your family, but how about we agree that we visit on Saturday afternoons?  I want to spend time with you, and it's going to be sparse until you're home again for good."  you can make all of your arrangements ahead of time and know what to expect when he comes home.  and believe me, when you truly love someone, absence truly does make the heart grow fonder.  good luck in your decision!

Answer 7

Get over it and be supportive.  You are sounding whiny and clingy.  "I loke someone looking after me", "I don't like being on my own at night", etc., etc.  Get a dog, if you want company at night.

My husband of 26 years has been working six hours away from home for the last year on a project that will last another two years.  He gets home about every two weeks (it was more often, before gas prices got ridiculous.)  We talked about it before he committed to the project, but it was something he was very interested in and I fully encouraged him  him in it. Professionally, it will be a fantastic development for him.  We still have a child in high school, so we couldn't just pick up and move right now, otherwise I'd be with him.  But that's just not the way it worked out right now.

As far as other women -- honey, the world is made up of 50% women. To expect that he won't talk and interact with half of the world is not reasonable.  One cannot be for equal rights in the workplace for everyone other than the women that your husband may encounter! My husband has a co-worker that he works with, and her name has come up frequently because of the position she holds in this project. I have met her, and she is a smart, attractive woman. Am I jealous?  Nope. Because, I, too, am a smart, attractive woman, and I trust my husband's honor.  Would I forbid him from having dinner with her?  h**l, no -- the guy's gotta eat.  

When he's home, we have a wonderful time.  We talk every day, and we have a web cam that we use occasionally (use your imagination . . . !) and send emails.  I use the time in the evening to take a class in creative writing, go to the gym, walk the dog, watch over the kids, and do a LOT of reading and watching all the sappy movies on TV that he hates :-) . I send him cookies and little surprises in the mail, I handle the bills and the routine stuff around the house so he won't have to -- I do this out of my love for him, and a desire to help him fulfill one of his dreams.  That's what you do, when you love someone.  You don't hold them back -- you help them fly.

Answer 8

what if you both moved to where he's working now? I understand the part of you being lonely because my husband travels a lot for work too..but i try keeping myself busy..and as for the trust part...my husbands never given me a reason to not trust him...but it's possible that your husband would fall back into his old habits..

i'd say wait it out..and if he gives you ANOTHER reason to doubt your relationship/trust..then to call it quits. But remember he's ultimately doing this job for your future, so support him as much as possible.