Aparents when you hear others attacking Adoptees on this forum?

Question

Do you worry how people will treat your children someday? Especially if they don't agree with the perception that adoption is wonderful?

Thanks

Answer 1

I do think that some of the adoptees personal feelings here may be how my children will feel in the future, so I would be very miffed if people insulted them or belittled their feelings in any way.

I know that as an AP, I have a lot to learn and do not quite get it yet, but I am being open and respectful of feelings here from adoptees.

I actually respect the fact that although it seems to me that some here are hitting their heads against a brick wall trying to get their feelings across to many AP, PAPs and other adoptees who do not share their views, the regulars here remain resolute about their feelings on adoption and their opinions never waiver.  That takes guts I suppose.

Answer 2

Hi Freckle face,

Exactly... I am pretty sure my son is going to be one of the "angry nut balls" (as someone affectionately referred to some adoptees).

Answer 3

Most people know that I was adopted, and no one in real life actually cares. Sometimes I get the, "oh, no, poor baby, it must have been so terrible not to know your parents!" but I explain to them that I do know my parents, I just met them three years after I was born. People with that kind of small-minded mentality are usually suburban, white trash types who will point and laugh at anything that's different, and fortunately (for everyone) they tend to stick with other suburban, white trash types.

Adoption is wonderful, but the angry-at-the-world stereotype is something adopted kids could probably do without. I know there are kids who are abused, so they have justification, but I also know kids who land in wonderful, loving homes - like I did - and are constantly accused of "repressing" their "true feelings" because they're not angry at the world and they don't care who gave birth to them.

Answer 4

I worry about it from both sides.

If my children don't agree with the perception that adoption is wonderful, they'll be attacked for being an "angry adoptee".

If my children don't have angry or grieving feelings regarding adoption loss or culture loss, they'll be attacked for having "Stockholm Syndrome."

The best I can do is validate my children's feelings, regardless.  Either option represents disrespect of the feelings/experiences of another.

Answer 5

I showed my adoptive mother some of the stuff here and she was so shocked.

Fortunately she, like you, can see that the people attacking adoptees with feelings and opinions that don't fit into the 'happy clappy everthing is rosey in adoption' category have their own agenda going on (fear mostly)  sigh.

Answer 6

Exactly!  My son is showing lots and lots of anger right now as the relinquishment is only 7 months old!  He misses (and should) his mommy...doesn't say anything about his daddy...???  Anyway, yes I am worried...and I know that most people here are for adoption out of foster care because of drugs / abuse...etc (which is why we have our little guy)...but it worries me that there are some (in here) who view adoption no matter what details came to bite...that adoption is wrong in any case...where I see that there is a need for adoption!

Answer 7

I worry about that, but also that my kids will see me as some crazy baby snatcher (although only one of them was a baby when we adopted them).

Answer 8

It's very sad but the truth is that adoptees taking such a destructive and unkind approach to our families are virtually nonexistent. Concentrating them in one place can make it seem alarming but in the real world it is just not an issue.