Apparently we parents are over-cautious with our children?

Question

I was reading this article and thought I would share it with you all.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7540076.stm

Do you let your kids climb trees? play conkers and play chase?

Answer 1

wow.     parents should stop kids from commiting crimes... not climbing trees

Answer 2

Parents are way too cautious, they read and BELIEVE  what they read in the tabloids.

Answer 3

I loved climbing trees, jumping brooks, playing conkers and tag... when I was young we lived semi rural I was out with my friends all morning.. back from diner then out all afternoon. We used to come back soaking from falling in the brook sometimes cut and grazed etc but we loved it ... but let me say this we were not stupid (we knew not to play on the railway line and not to go with strangers etc we listened to our parents and we were given the trust to behave in a safe, unsupervised fashion ).. Playing out with peers breeds confidence and sense in does not breed stupidity...parents you must have confidence it what you teach your children about safety and let them experience life without you 24/7.  

Answer 4

OVER CAUTIOUS!!!!!!! Is an understatement. You are afraid of being a parent.

People that started having kids approximately eight years ago are raising rude, obnoxious, inconsiderate, selfish, disrespectful, self-serving, ill-mannered, tyrannical animals.

Their children don’t know the meaning of thank you and you’re welcome. They don’t know enough to have respect for adults. They behave like they were kept in a cage all day, when they are in public. The list is endless.

Parents do not parent their children.

They expect everyone else to do it for them.

The teachers. The crossing guard. The coach. The priest or rabbi. The lifeguard. Anyone who the child comes in contact with – except themselves.

I have heard parents ask adults in a restaurant if they could give up their seat because it had a cushion and their child didn’t like sitting on wood (which was what was available for the child to sit on). Of course the two adult who were asked started laughing and so did everyone else who was within ear range.

I had a young boy walk right in front of me at the check-out line and put his toys on the counter because HE didn’t feel like holding them. I pushed the toys on the floor and told him to pick them up and get on line like everyone else. Of course the parents “scolded” ME. NEVER explaining to the boy – what he had done was rude, selfish and inconsiderate. Or telling him – because of his behavior they were putting the toys back and going home – he would not get anything until he learned how to behave. No. That would have upset him and we mustn’t upset our precious little children. After all, THEY are the boss.

I could write a thesis on the lack of parenting and the resulting sociopaths I see in the children who will be adults in the next 10 to 19 years. It's a disgrace. Instead of being proud of what you are raising – you should have shame.

‘StarMum’, I doubt very much that your little angels are lovely, fantastic, polite, well-mannered, decent young ladies – or that they will be.

There is no doubt in my mind they behave just like you do.

They behave just like you did in your response.

Your decent young ladies are not doing what you tell them to do; they are looking at you and following your example. And if the example you show here is just a snippet of who you REALLY are and how you speak to people and about people – you have proven my point better than I could have.

Although I don’t feel obliged to give you any additional information: I turned 50 this year, my oldest daughter is in her last year of college, my son will be starting his first year of college and my youngest daughter is in high school.

I wouldn’t put up with the behavior I see in children today – when my children were young – and I wouldn’t put up with it now. I was responsible for my own children and still am. I don’t expect others to do it for me. My wife and I RAISED THEM.

And I sure don’t need the accolades of teachers or anyone else – although I have a pile of LETTERS filled with high praise and esteem from those who have interacted with my children.

I KNOW how wonderful my children are. I do my best to see them through someone else’s eyes.

Enough said.

Although I have no interest in this ‘debate’, I stumbled across it while searching for something completely unrelated.

A life lesson for Jessica Rabbit:

NEVER ask a question unless you will be unattached to the response you get.

If you only want to hear what YOU want to hear as a response – ask yourself the question.

Now, get a dictionary and look up the word “Cautious”.

My response is directly related to your question and not the article.

Talk about 'unginged' !!!

Also, just because you add a question mark to the end of a sentence, doesn’t make it a question.

‘Apparently we parents are over-cautious with our children’? – is a statement, not a question.

Answer 5

So many parents are agonizing over the wrong things!  They are so over-protective that the child never has a chance to become an independent person!  But on the other hand, parents are afraid to establish rules, issue discipline when needed and act like parents should instead of being a "friend".  Kids had lots of friends but only one set of parents!  I have seen college freshmen who had no clue how to do laundry, how to behave without Mom or Dad telling them what to do, how to deal with a common place situation.  

My son has a "small" learning disability so I am a little more cautious because of that but overall, I encourage him to become his own independent person.  He does tend to be a bit gullible so he gets cautioned sometimes about situations but he makes the decision as to how to proceed.  But on the other hand, if it's not a safe/good thing to be doing, he's told that also....

Answer 6

Redbird2

Wow! what a psycho!

Your poor kids must hate you, I bet you are a right evil bully.

Answer 7

I had arguments over this with my children's mother.  She used to tell the court I was forcing them to do things they did not want to do.  During the precious few hours they were allowed to see me, I did not want them to spend all their time in front of a computer screen when I live in a country cottage with trees, dens, secret passages and all sorts of things to explore and do.

I feel very strongly that a child should be confident enough to handle any situation by the age of 8, so that they do not need to be afraid of the world, nor do they fall off the rails when they are suddenly let loose as teenagers with inadequate preparation for the real world.

One game my father played with me and my brothers and sister was battle of the bathroom. He would guard the bathroom door, and it was our job to get past him and his to stop us using whatever tricks we could think of.  With my two, I had a variant of this I played in swimming pools called crocodile and monkeys.  I used my arms to eat them and they would have to try to get away or disable me. "Quick, grab his beard!" was a favourite instruction.

Their mother was always there directing them and controlling them.  She knew best, and had a successful career as a teacher and so was an expert.  I was just a loser and not really important.  I felt it important to allow them to explore and sometimes learn to improvise without expert direction sometimes.  Once I gave them an errand in London (far from the market town where they lived) and told them to find their own way there.  What they didn't know was that I was hiding behind a tree seeing they were ok, and only presented myself if they were becoming distressed.  Otherwise a bit of working out was doing them good.

What I regret most of all was this 10-year court battle to be with them and to be a proper father which was lost when their mother finally married their stepfather.  So I didn't know them at all going through their teens.  All I got from their mother or their teachers was "they are doing very nicely without you".

I can't wait to start again with a new family, and I have already planted some trees which will be just the right size to climb when they are about 5 years old.

Answer 8

I don't let my kids climb trees, and that is solely because of safety. Um, Conkers? Sorry never heard of it. And chase I am assuming is like tag? I let my kids play tag often. But only in the backyard where there is no pavement, so they can't hurt themselves. I think parents are being more cautious about their child's safety. It's not "over-cautious."

~Kate

Answer 9

My kids loved going out exploring, we live near woods and they spent all their time there in the summer, climbing, building dens and messing in the river, they were always coming home with bumps and bruises and used to be proud of their injuries.

Some parents were horrified I let them and others would stop theirs from playing and be straight up casualty if their kid got a bruise.

It teaches them how to react with the outside world, my eldest is 19 now and starting university, he has a fantastic part time job as a salesman and a great social life, some of his old classmates are still sat at home in front of computer screens and being waited on hand and foot by their mothers, the mothers even apply for jobs for them as they have no basic skills on communicating with people as they have been wrapped in cotton wool all of their lives..

I think it's so sad that all the playgrounds in schools are now considered too dangerous for play and are being sold off.

Edit

You have got me laughing here as I have just been reminded of something.

A couple of years ago a rather upset  neighbour came round and told me she had just seen my daughter and her friends swinging from a rope in a tree and yodelling like Tarzan and did I know that she did that sort of thing., I laughed, I was really expecting a visit from social services for neglect.

FFS Redbird

What are you  on about?, you sound a right nasty piece of work, I bet your kids are a chip off the old block.

If you can fathom it out Jessica does ask a question after the link but you seem to have missed that with your eagerness to have a rant and rave.

Go and have a lie down before you burst a blood vessel in your brain.

The question mark automatically appears whether it's a question or not, but you wouldn't know that would you?

Answer 10

I have always encouraged daring behaviour! My 4 year old was popped up and held on to tree branches as a baby! She loves climbing now and I always encourage it..I cant bear wimpy kids who are afraid to do anything! Lol...WHY thumbs down? it's a good thing to let kids explore..if you dont let them vlimb how will they cope in an emergency? Sometimes we forget we are ANNIMALS..who occasionally need to use our limbs for something other than walking to the shop for more pies! Lol...

Answer 11

I believe we have taken childhood away, by being overcautious and all the planned activities. I try really hard not to be that way.

Answer 12

nah. My kids climb trees (swear my daughter is 1/2 monkey), play chasey, pull each other of equipment to the ground (twins!!) We go camping and they explore and ride and play to their hearts content (no power so nothing else to do) they hunt for frogs and bugs, get dirty and don't shower for days and love it. They are scouts so go camping and get up to God knows what, all I know is their clothes have to be washed several times to get them clean lol. How do kids learn to be careful by themselves if they are not allowed to hurt themselves. No wonder it is called the bubblewrap generation.

Answer 13

My daughter is 4 and has just started kindy, she always comes home with new bruises on her legs and knees nearly everyday. She has a lot of older cousins and will try to keep up with them (as does her 19 month old brother), I just tell her to slow down a little, never tell her to stop having fun unless dangerous....both the kids have little quad bikes and even occasionally step in dog poo in the back yard, lol. I really don't see the point in having kids if you don't let them grow up (in their own time of course), realistically you have children on loan, you teach them how to be good people, have confidence in themselves and be polite. If they get scraped knees in the process it is a lesson well learned.!!!

Answer 14

Those Parents would have a FIT if they came and spent a week on my farm. My kids are wild animals during the day. They run, jump, climb, roll in mud.

They have rules and boundaries, but climbing a tree. Come on, I can't tell them not to do it if I do it myself.

My eldest at nearly 5yo can milk cows, and climb fences. The elder 3 were out in the yard helping me bring the sheep up into the top paddock. They have a mini quad, can ride a pony, and loads of other things.

I can't afford to buy enough cotton wool to cover my kids.

Answer 15

Children should be allowed to be children. Run, play, fall down, things like that. It's part of growing up, part of learning. I think parents can be over cautious, they need to let their children be kids... I don't see the harm in letting them rough house as long as you are there supervising.

Edit: Redbird250alex: If you have no interest in this debate then why post something? Or do you just like to stir the pot? My sister is 7 and although she can be trying at times she can also be very respectful, polite, and curtious! And I will tell you another, I will NOT let my child grow up to be any of the nasty things you say children are today! I have seen plenty of children who are well behaved and expect the same out of my children! I think you see only the "naughty" children in the world and not the good children.

Answer 16

its ridiculous! i cant believe some parents. i loved climbing trees and playing conkers. its such a shame. - what sort of wimps are these kids gonna turn out to be?  

Answer 17

yes you are the only way to teach us if its dangerous is if we learn our lesson to stop kids from climbig chasing and playing conkers is from stoping ourchildren from haveing a fun educational childhood that they will never forget!!

Answer 18

WOW I'm just going to say ditto to above - my 5yr old loves climbing trees and things and occassionally gets a small cut or graze, it makes her tougher for it.

and WOW Redbird250alex

you can just go straight to h**l, you sound like a stuckup old f**t who has nothing better to do then inflict harsh judgement on everyone in an age group, well you can go and get your friggin facts straight,

I have 5yr old and 3 yr old daughters and they have the loveliest manners around, everyone comments on how lovely their manners and behaviour is, and only the other day I had my 5yr old teachers tell me what a fantastic lil girl she is and that she doesn't have a nasty bone in her body so poilte and well mannered and always wants to help others (both classmates and friends as well as help teachers) - oh but at home she is typical 5yr old who can chuck tantrums at times etc - but ALWAYS treats people with respect why? because I am doing my best to raise decent young ladies.

Whilst you're judging us all in the same boat purely on the age of our children then I guess it's ok to judge you too then, I guess you must be slightly older then most us here and that because you are older that you think you own this friggin world - I was always taught to respect my elders - well respect goes both ways.

And wow I must be mental too huh? since I play chasey with my daughters too, like seriously have some fun in life you might actually learn what happiness is and stop being so bitter.

Answer 19

Yes, we are over cautious these days.  When I was a child (70's and 80's) we all had bruises, skinned knees and nails that were black from being hit repeatedly by conkers.  It was normal!  My daughter is only 9 months but I will encourage her to explore when she is older. I think it builds confidence.

Answer 20

No i do not let my kid climb trees but yea he plays chase, hide and sek, things like that but climbing a tree is dangerous, you know they could fall out of the tree and break their necks...

Should we let our kids play in traffic?? I do not think anyone is being over cautious