Are Japanese guys stingy on dates?

Question

I've just met this Japanese guy who asked me out.

1st date - he suggested we go to friends to have dinner. afterwards he invited me to cafe, when $6 bill came I offered to pay as a 'test' to see if he would decline. He took all of the $6!

Later I suggested we just be friends as I had a feeling he wasn't over his ex as he brought her up a couple of times in conversation.

2nd time we went out to a movie. He paid his own way. He suggested we get some dinner as he was hungry. At dinner, he suggested I should try such and such dish. So I ordered them but didn't really eat them. He made some slight passes at me at dinner. When bill came he got his card out, then I got my wallet out again to see if he would decline. He ended up saying you don't have to pay half but just pay for what you ate and drank and them some for tip. UGH! Why is he so cheap and stingy? doesn't he want to try to make a good impression? Are guys in Japan like this?

Answer 1

This kind of discussion between men and women does not get anywhere. It goes on and on even on Japanese webs.

So I answer only one point.

>Are guys in Japan like this?

Not so. If you don't like his value, you can find another Japanese guy. Some guys will "decline" as your ex did. And some are like him.

Addition:

>He always chooses the movie or the restaurant or what to do activities.

"Men should take initiative" value is stronger in Japan. He just may have tried to take initiative. Therefore,

>So am I being wrong to think he doesn't understand compromise?

Not wrong. But premature to conclude.

Answer 2

why should a guy pay for your dinner ????? are you his wife or something?  

Answer 3

Cheap? Stingy? What, if you didn't mind paying, why are you so worked up about this? You tried to show him you weren't a gold-digger and ending up paying for what you ate. Seems fair.

If you don't want to pay, don't offer. Obviously.

Answer 4

Japanese don't play games. If you don't want to pay don't offer.

Answer 5

...what a loser!!! He's exactly what you DONT want. Run far far away from him and never look back. Theres LOTS of guys that will do so much more for you. I mean GEEZz.....no matter what these other guys say.....NEVER date a cheap guy! You'll thank me later.

Answer 6

In other words he's acting the way all women act.

Answer 7

Why do so many women claim of equality of both s*x while she actually wants to be treated like a princess ?

This kind of deception always turns me off...

I often treat girls when I go out with them but can't be serious with one who takes that just for granted.On the contrary,I feel like being good to a girl who try to decline my offer.I respect their pride and independence.

Be careful,it's easy to pretend like a generous man just for s*x and girls are so easy to be trapped.

Answer 8

Well you just started dating. Why would anyone want to pay for someone else when they don't know if that relationship is going to even go anywhere? I mean going dutch seems to be the thing to do. If he felt things were going in a good direction, he may actually start paying. But then again the culture is different so I wouldn't expect someone to pay for my food. If they offered then good, if not then whatever.

You should be looking at whether you like this guy as a person and see what you have in common instead of seeing how much money he will spend on you.

Answer 9

You are horrible! Why are you calling him cheap?

Answer 10

in their country the woman play the submissive role..so i guess he wants to be equal now and give women the chance to lead...isnt tat good???

Answer 11

I'm terribly sorry for your experience. I have dated two Japanese guys and have been out with few more just as friends.

In Japan, the rule of reciprocity is extremely strong, has long(more than 1000 years history) and is one of the most basic concepts in Japanese culture. When you give, you will receive something in return on almost similar price. When you are given something, you are expected to give something (okaeshi) in return.My friend was very offended when she received a gift as a return to her gift at a wedding.If you don't give you'll be in debt to that person.That's why many Japanese hurry to " clear" their " debt" by offering small presents every time you do them a favor.

Well, it took me long time to figure this out, it is just a part of the culture. If you don't want to be taken advantage of , every time "clear " your "debt".

Answer 12

Things are not always rolling easily like what you want. Even in love game too.

$6 bill of first date payment who paid has nothing to do to sound future of the relationship between two of you. It is just negligible thing at all. The important point was rather how did you two enjoyed mutual coffee time.

He took care of the bill actually and you took next step to 2nd time to go movie with him. That meant to be you accepted him so that you don't have any right to claim his first time behavior at that point.

Regarding movie ticket, it must be up to the relationship on going. I think if you two have still a kind of simple friendly relationship. He might think Dutch treat must be fair because he was still not your boyfriend.

I dare think that most of Japanese guys shall pay for girlfriend without fail though. I don't know the situation well enough and just guess but the conversation during his slight pass and your reaction could be some part of reason why he said so as you quoted when the bill came to be paid at the restaurant.

It seems he may be rather not too stingy but unfamiliar with dating. I understand what you want to say but think he is not a typical Japanese but quite strange. I have never saw such insensitive Japanese guys ever before. They have been too much so kind for me to offer and I am always too suspicious to their secret intention.

Anyway if you can't accept his insensitivity, move on some next immediately no matter what the nationatlity he has. The Japanese guy is not a only possible boyfriend in the world.

His attitude to you is not related to Japanese culture at all. In addition, if he try to let you do something what you really hate, why don't you should speak to him so  directly and suggest what you really want with him on very time?

The relationship between man and woman is very complicated. Mutual compromise and understanding must need to develop always even if you are well positive to opponent.

Answer 13

oh my gosh u people are the ones that are horrible.  don't listen to all the other comments

go ask your grandmas....first of all, when did the term gold-digger erupt if a woman expected a guy to pay for her on a date?  and from your first date...it's not like you asked him to buy you a diamond ring...oh woohoo 6 dollars...'I'm just a gold-digger for expecting him to pay 6 dollars for me? '  As if 6 dollars is so great! basically it's just the principal, and whether it was 50 cents or 20 dollars on a dinner date, this guy just isn't man enough to pay for you...whether or not he thinks the relationship was going to go further he's just plain cheap.  I don't think it's coz he's japanese coz other japanese guys can be different for all I know but  forget about whether it's just japanese guys or not i'm sure there are cheap guys no matter where you go in this day and age