Are You Always Looking For Who You Are In Someone Else?

Question

Are our interpersonal experiences...determined in large part by how others support or fail to support our unconscious agenda of Self?

Answer 1

No, but I might be if I meet the right person.

Answer 2

No, never, as I know I will never find myself.  However, I have noticed some of my closest friends have a few similar qualities that I identify myself with.  

Thanks for reading!

Answer 3

Not really...

SOMETIMES I may use others' opinions of me to reevaluate myself and see what needs to be changed, and I guess in that sense, looking for who I am in someone else.

But I think it varies person to person. Many people may look for who they are in other people, especially if they have low self-esteem or have many insecurities, or are unable to define them selves.

Answer 4

Yes.

I look to others to see my effect on them and in some cases I do not like the effect I am having on them.

No.

I don't know of any unconscious agenda of self for myself. I doubt anybody does, hence the word unsconcious. As for subconscious, perhaps. There may be some knee jerk reactions to things. If there are then it is possible that negative stimulus from others might trigger such a reaction.

I think the conscious has enough problems in it to modify one's behavior without going to a subconscious or unconscious level.

Answer 5

No, I always wonder who may be like me and who thinks like me.

Answer 6

...not always, but it sure helps to be with someone who is on the same wave length...it can nurture a feeling of kinship while still blossoming your own personality

Answer 7

The first question, not always, but a lot. I like ladies.

The second question I don't see related to the first, but maybe I'm not reading those words the same as you.

Answer 8

To some extent, the answer is yes, because we look for ourselves in others, and the similarities we find often draw us to people who seem "familiar" to us.  We also tend to mirror others, and vice versa.  People have an inherent make-up, but are also easily influenced by their environs, including other people and peer groups.

Did that answer the question, or are you asking about people who feel incomplete and are looking to complete themselves through others?  In which case, the answer would be 100% yes!

Answer 9

I'm not sure i would word it that way, but i do believe we would like people to be more like us, that way we do not have to change or adjust or feel we are inferior to someone

Answer 10

Yes. Birds of a feather flock together.

Answer 11

...or who you aren't !

Answer 12

I think we're all selfish at heart.  This doesn't mean we don't love others, don't do things to help others, or don't care about others.  It just means that we always do stuff from an ego-centered point of view, we WANT to do them.  And I think everyone has the same basic needs.  And some people are walking around trying to get childhood needs filled that other people got filled when they were children.  And it's far more difficult to get them filled in adulthood.  I think self-esteem is one of these needs.

Some people got the message when they were children that they were somehow defective or unlovable, or that love had to be earned, that they had to change themselves in order to be worthy of love and approval.  So, while all people go around trying to get needs met, these people are still trying to get this need to be loved and approved of just for who they are met in the adult world.  The volume is turned up on this need.  They seem to need validation more than others.  They want to be seen as special whereas others don't seem so preoccupied with how they compare to others.  They don't like themselves so they never get to know themselves, don't have the courage to be themselves with the mixed reaction that the world's sure to give them.  So instead they search for identity in already approved of characters, so they don't have to take the risk of being rejected.

So, yeah, I think everyone seeks out relationships to get their own needs met.  I don't think anyone's really above this.  With some people the volume on this seems turned up because they are compensating for needs not filled early on.  And the relationships they form seem to be more one sided, me me me, rather than mutually beneficial.