Are You The Parent You Expected Yourself To Be..??

Question

My Foster Mum was reminding me of myself as a teenager over the weekend. All the times I told her my kids wouldn't be disciplined, they could come and go as they pleased. Wouldn't have to eat vegetables and we'd all eat mudcake and ice cream all day. lol!

It's amazing what a few years does to your opinions.

I am nothing like I thought I'd be. Thankfully. lol!

How about you all??

Answer 1

I am actually the oppisite ( but you know me think the worst of myself). i mean i do the best i can and love my daughter to bits and pieces BUT i have 13 nieces and 2 nephews and thought i knew it all and was constantly told that  i was going to be the BEST mother ever (because i spoil every one of them) but i am a little less tolerant than i expected, have a lot more bad days than i expected and feel a little more overwhelmed than i expected BUT on the flip side Charleigh very rarely eats anything that isnt good for her, she is 9 months and already understands no, is the happiest, most laid back baby ever and is 1 month advanced in her development (says the health nurse but who knows) so i cant be all bad.......

Answer 2

I am not the parent I expected my self to be.  I sometimes find my self saying things to my kids that maybe my grandparents  would have said to my parents.  

I dont have the patience for parenting as I expecting I would or sometimes the commitment to homework, craft, reading, listening to their stories, but after saying that - the one expectation I have lived up to is how much I love them.  Its all those little things said and done and what you do for them that is simple to you but so important to them.  Sometimes we need to look at ourselves through their eyes and ask  - are we living up to their expectations.

good luck to all in this wonderful, neverending task of parenting!!

Answer 3

Wow Charli ... mmm not sure how this will sound but ...when i had a baby well babies ..you never think of 'what if' our child has a problem and to be honest when we were hit with that i thought i would crumble and not cope but there is something that makes you cope because you have to and although its tough you always think what it would be like if Thomas didn't have Autism .but as my mum said 'He wouldn't be Thomas any other way..at the time we were watching him picking strands of grass and laying them on the floor and taking them from his pockets that he had brought from school (the things he does lol) and yeah i knew it would be hard as we were spanked as kids if we needed to be and we tried so hard not to do this with the kids ... but i think now there is a better discipline than spanking like taking toys away ...

Answer 4

Nope, I was the same as you, I used to say, My kids could do what they wanted, when they wanted, and stay out until what ever time they pleased.

I now have a 8Month old daughter and there is no way on earth she will be doing that lol, When i got older (Grand old age of 20 lol) i realised that my mum was only looking out for me, Making sure i didnt get in to any trouble, She knew i wasnt invinsable but i thought i was. I realise now, How horrible i was to her...But karma will play its cards and in 15years i will be dealing with it, A stroppy, moody teenager. Joy.

Answer 5

lol. you sound like a typical kid and then reality happened. My only thing I vowed was that I would tell my kids I loved them and hug them lot's. And I do that so i am the parent I expected to be

Answer 6

I am a Pisces so we are like the Mary Poppins type of mother. Yes i turned out exactly like i wanted to be. I have 4 children i brought up on my own after their father left. I worked 2 jobs still spent lots of time with my kids we are all so close we all speak everyday i have 6 grandchildren and i am close to all of them. I have 3 sons and 1 daughter. One is a printer one a baker one a manager one a nurse so i did pretty good i think.

Answer 7

No I thought that my kids would be perfect angels, I would never smack them (or need to), never shout at them, never give them junk food and had planned on raising them as vegetarians. My son is not the angel I hoped for, except when he's at kinder so unfortunately I have smacked him and shout at him.

My daughter will be 1 this month and so far I think I'm a better parent with her than I am with my son. Maybe if I had 20 kids I might be perfect by the time the last one came along. Mind you, I'd be so exhausted by then that it would all go out the window.

Answer 8

It's odd because I never really imagined how I would be as a parent (I wanted kids but that was as far as it went). I think I'm stricter than the "fantasy" parent I probably had in the back of my mind, but I have to be and that's o.k.; we have fun and they know I love them. I haven't gotten to the teenage years yet and I can see them bringing out the worst in me.

Answer 9

I always thought I was never good enough to be a mum but if it ever did happen I thought I would do my damnedest to make myself a great one! I have been a mum for six years now! The only way I can think to explain my philosophy of being a mum and how I handle it is this-I deal with every situation every day by thinking "By my actions today could I go to bed tonight and sleep with a clear conscience knowing I have done everything in my power to make my daughter safe, happy, secure and know how much she is loved?" and if the answer is YES then I know I'm on the right track! I also ask myself constantly "what can I be doing better?" and this proves to me I am always trying and I'm afraid that's all I can do! My daughter is one of the happiest little girls alive! It's like when she was born a little ray of sunshine got trapped inside of her and it shines out every day! Everyone remarks on her sunny outlook so I think I must be doing something right! I HOPE!

Answer 10

NO.. i thought having babies would be easy i would raise them no worries... Geez i was so wrong with my first i was so not ready for the crying and generally just how time consuming they really are. 8 hours flies just feeding, burping, changing and playing.. 3 kids later my time management has improved but its very easy to forget that i am supposed to raise my children into functioning adults.. My whole attitude is so much more relaxed now who cares if my child falls in the mud 5 minutes after bathing.. 7 years ago that would of been a disaster.. Now i don't sweat the small stuff and enjoy every minute of their childhood cause as i realised it does not last very long..

Answer 11

I actually am; to be honest i never said stuff like that because i knew it wasnt true.

I just told myself id never spank, or hurt my kids physically or emotionally; and i havent.

Everyone says they are the happiest kids they have ever met. :)

amber

Answer 12

I never wanted to be "the mean mommy". When I was growing up, I was yelled at and punished for every stupid little thing I didn't do my mother's way. Though in turn, as a teenager, I made sure I followed her rules, never snuck out or anything like that, was well behaved etc for fear of what would happen if I didn't! I remember when I was 17yrs old, the two of us got into a huge fight when she wouldn't let me go to place X. I told her that when I had kids, I would let them have freedom and fun, for I would remember what it was like as a teenager. There wouldn't be any punishments (for I would talk EVERYTHING OUT) and I wouldn't care how many times I had to tell them to do something as long as it was eventually done. I would have patience! I went on and on and my mother then said, "You'll change you're mind about all of that when you become a parent and if you don't for some crazy reason, I'm not visiting your kids."

I have a 6yr, a 15m and twins who were born on the 3rd. All girls, but they WILL behave like I did when I was a teenager. I have zero patience for not listening or misbehaving and as a result, my girls listen and behave. I punish and take things away from time to time, but tell them what they did before hand. I don't know how much "freedom" a child 6 and under should have...but 9.8/10, I'm my kids' shadow or they're mine.

If teenage version of me came to visit my house, I'm sure she'd be shocked and if she brought a version of my mother from back then, she'd say, "I told you so."

Answer 13

My mother was VERY protective of me as a child.  I grew up in the countryside on a farmstead so had nobody my own age around.  Mum did not let me go into town on my own until I was nearly 17 and no way was I allowed to cycle anywhere in case I got abducted! (My brother was allowed out on his bike at 11)

This resulted in me being immature and a bit of an outcast at secondary school.  I became the victim of bullies as I wore Clarks shoes and glasses and home knitted jumpers.

I knew nothing of fashion, music and was shy and withdrawn.

I always swore I would bring my daughter up to be confident and independant and unfortunately I have gone a little too far the other way!  She is four going on 14, can argue her point, is a smart-alec confident, self-opinionated little Hitler.

She starts school in September (rolls eyes).

Answer 14

All I wanted was to not be like my parents......I have succeeded in that. Still, I am not as patient as I would have liked and I can be a bit too childish.......but hey sometimes the kids can bring out the worst in an over tired parent, lol.

Answer 15

I didn't really expect to be a certain way as a parent. I didn't expect it to be this difficult. I am thankful that I experience more happy times than down times as a parent. Some days I think to myself ''oh no...I just said the exact same thing to my son that my mother would have said to me and I never want to do it again.''  One thing I would like to improve on is my ability to be patient. I think thats why sometimes everything seems so hard. I am working on it. Other than that, I think I am doing a pretty good job.

Answer 16

I'm a stepmom. No. I didn't think I would be good at all, growing up even though my friends said differently. But I actually think I'm pretty good. I care and can make difficult decisions. I have more patience than I thought I would have.

Although they really test me. But it's been good because my patience meter has increased. :-)

edit: It's not about being the "mean" mommy or daddy. It's about stepping up and doing what is needed. Kids need rules and discipline. They need to know that the parents care and are there for them. They need security and stability. In my role as stepmom, I try to provide that. I try to be like a rock. I'm there always. They can rely on me. If I say no, it's not because I'm being mean. I try to explain why in as few words as possible. :-)