Are adopted children emotionally handicapped?

Question

No family, no history, no story, no ethnic culture, no knowledge of familiy's interests, personality traits, or heath issues...

How can a human develop a strong sense of self with all the authentic SELF missing?

Can LOVE from an adoptive family make up for the missing parts?

Answer 1

I am 19, and i was adopted when i was 5. I was abused by my adoptive parents and then taken away at 10. I spent 8 years in about 12 different foster homes. I wouldnt consider myself nor have i ever been considered Emotionally handicapped. Yes, being adopted is really confusing. Because when you have to go to the doctors and fill out the health forms. i didnt really know what to put because i didnt know any of my health history. I eventually figured out part of who i was. I love who i am today. Yes i went threw rough times but its made me such a strong person now. If you love your adopted child as if it was your own, and treated it the same exact way, then you can make up for those missing parts. But if your kid asks about the adoption. Dont hold back, it makes it that much harder!

Answer 2

Hello. I am adopted from Korea by caucasian parents. I have no idea who my birth parents are but I do not believe I am emotionally handicapped.

Children will become whoever they want to be. Adoptees might have a bit of trouble coping with their adoption and finding a sense of self at first but I believe that it doesn't really matter if a person is adopted or not to become their own person.

I was blessed by being adopted by some of the most loving people on Earth, I think, and they have helped me to become a person with strong values and beliefs.

There is somethings missing from my life, I think, because of my adoption, but it is definately NOT a handicap, and while I want those things to be there, I would not have my life any other way.

Please take this into consideration.

Answer 3

Not all adopted children have no family, no history, etc.

Some adoptions are very open, with the child having access to all of their family members, biologically and adopted.

So my answer to you question the way it is phrased would have to be "no."

Answer 4

no not at all iwas adopted when i was 4 weeks old and had a really good life i dont care that i was adopted

Answer 5

Love may be able to help in many ways.  It's vital to be loved.  It can soften dealing with life's difficulties, which, of course, everyone encounters.  However, it doesn't answer the questions adopted persons may have, it doesn't provide genetic mirroring, which many people who don't have it would like to have, and it doesn't take away loss.

Answer 6

To a certain degree an adopted child will always have an emotional handicap. Most of them will always wonder why their biological parents didn't want them or keep them. They will always wonder where they came from and if they have other siblings out there unless they go looking for them.

If that child is adopted into caring and loving family, that family can make up for some of what's missing however that inner deep feeling of being left by the biological parents will always be left in the heart of that child.

To anyone that plans on adopting a child, they should have a clear understanding that this child will need to be loved and nutured as if they were a biological child. Getting an adoptive child then abusing that child will only make that child's authentic self disappear even more so. They need to be taught that even though you may not know your genetic make up you're still some body and can be some body.

Answer 7

How can you say they have no family, no history, no culture? They do, it's within their new family who adopted them! They grow up and develop the culture and and history of their new family, and they will have their own personality regardless. They need a home too, and I'm sure many of them have a hard time finding out who they are but I'm sure the ones that are loved find that a family isn't just the person that gave birth to you and that you share the DNA with. It's the love and family of the people who take care of you and raise you.

Answer 8

Can love of a soldier take away his PTSD?

Answer 9

this question reminds me of the family tree project from elementary school.

aparents and teachers think that filling in the blanks with afamily will do the trick.

it doesn't.

all it does is point out what we miss all year long.  we just have to "celebrate" that loss 'more' during the family tree project.

Answer 10

Hi Sunny,

1) Well, if you put it like that then yes; in that situation adopted children are emotionally handicapped.

2) With all of the authentic self missing no; a human could not develop a strong sense of self.

3)  One of the biggest myths in adoption, an adoptive family can not love away the missing parts in a child's life.

** science major/math minor, LOL

Answer 11

I know 4 people currently in my life who have been adopted in their life.  Their ages are 19, 20, 30, and 64.  

The two younger ones are real siblings, they come from the same parents, and they know their parents name, but have no delsire to find them, because the family that took them in have done a great job loving them, and were honest with them from the begining.

The 30 year old, again, has no desire to find his real family.  He never had any siblings growing up wth him, and his parents that took him in, took him at 6 weeks, and he was told at a young age the truth.  He said that he would rather never know the truth of his parents, to avoid being hurt.  He knows nothing about his parents.

The older one, has no information about his birth parents, nor can he ever.  Those adoptions were closed back then, and he will never be able to seek that information.  I believe has a sister growing up with him, and they are real siblings, but they do not even know that for sure.  In just the past years he has lost his adoptive parents, who raised him.  

All four of these people have found themselves to who they are, based on nuture rathern than nature, tough some characteristcs are unexplained, we assume they come from nature.  All four of them were loved.  

I believe the love can take place for about 95% of it, but if they know they are adopted there will always be wondering in their minds.

I say this from experience, as I grew up, I never knew my birth dad.  My left when I was still in her womb.  She talked about him, and I seen pictures of him, but I never knew him.  I became who I am today.  When I was 16 I spoke with him for a day, as he visitied, and then he stopped speaking to me.  Then 6 years later I tried to contact him again, just for medical information, and he never spoke to me again.

I am hurt by his decision, but I am glad today, I know the truth about who he really is.  I am also glad that I know, rathern than the what if, this what if that, and the wondering thoughts though my mind.  

I believe a true family is all about love, all about support, though good and bad, though thick and thin, and blood... well that's just a body fluid that keeps us alive.

Answer 12

We're not intending to keep him away from his bio family, but his dad's side doesn't seem to want any part of him. All we know about him is what bio mom told us when we visited her in jail.

Answer 13

No,  I am not emotionally handicapped.  I am grateful for my family, story , culture and interests.  It is all in how it is presented.  I have always been made to believe I was a blessing and what else could any child ask for.

Answer 14

I had those problems when I was younger but I didn't want to upset my Grandfather by looking up my Bio-Parents because I was his eldest Grandchild and we were very close. After his death 10 years ago I tracked down my Bio-Family. It was pretty cool to finally have all the questions you posted answered but I'm still glad I was adopted.

Answer 15

Yes, I know I am.

You hear people talking about themselves when they were young, what silly things they did when they were a baby

How old they were when they walked, what their first words were, what they did to the family pet etc etc,,,

I, like many others, have none of that. There are no pictures of me before age 6, no-one knows what lullabyes i enjoyed, whst i first read, what i first wrote.

No-one cared enough to remember me. It sounds pathetic and self-pitying, but it's the truth.

I have no 'self' before 5. I did not exist as a toddler, a baby.

I don't feel myself handicapped, just different.

Answer 16

Sunny- I know from reading your questions and answers before that your answer to your own questions would be most likely - yes- however that is not true for me.  Being a Christian, I do not find my self who I was born too, or the family I was adopted into- I find myself in Christ.  YES, Love from my adopted family made up for what you call missing parts- I don't feel that I have any missing parts.  I am who I am, not because of who I lived with, but who created me, and that is God.

The only thing that I can say would be emotional for me, is the fact that I would get so many thumbs down, because of how I feel.  Interesting!!

Answer 17

The way I personally see it is there are TONS of Biological Children and Their Parents running around but that doesn't mean those children were wanted when they were conceived or wanted NOW that they are here...at least Adopted children do know for a FACT they were sought after and Wanted desperately and are Dearly LOVED...There are Pros and Cons to Everything under the Sun

Answer 18

somtimes depends on how old the kid is

Answer 19

As an adopted woman, I can say that I really notice it more NOW that I have my own children.  I grew up knowing I was adopted, there was no big 'reveal', I always just knew.  I never felt that familial bond that some people talk about.  Somehow, knowing I wasn't really a biological member of the family made me feel almost auxiliary to the rest of the family.  Part of it, yes, but not a genuine part.  

Now that I have kids, I can look at them and see... they resemble me in ways I never could relate to anyone in my adopted family.  While some of my children resemble me physically, some have the same emotional responses and mental traits.  It is a shock, to no end, that they are like this.  (not a bad shock in the least, I take immense pride in my children, and when I notice something of myself in them, it fills me with joy that I never had with my adoptive family)  

I did not have a happy childhood.  My adoptive mother is still causing me great pain, even though I am now entering my 30s.  My adoptive father is great, although he stands by and ignores my mother's treatment of me.  I wish my children could understand how AMAZING it is to have this bond, this wonderful similarity we share, and how empty I felt as a child not sharing this with anyone in my own family.

I feel slightly handicapped emotionally from not knowing a shred of history of my original family, and while I know much about my adoptive family, the distance I feel from them makes it foreign to me.  

I do have love for my adoptive family, but I don't feel the closeness I share with my husband and my children.  

I understand that not every adopted person feels this way, I certainly hope that very few do...

I just wanted to share my story becauset his question really made me think.