Are babies with handicaps damaged?

Question

A person who participates in this forum emailed me, telling me that it was "stupid to want a damaged baby" (talking about children with handicaps). Is that what the world has come to? That we think of people with handicaps as damaged? Or should I say, is that what the world has went back to? I don't feel there is any excuse for a person that lives in this decade to not know that people with disabilities are not damaged at all. Any opinions on this?

-The "damaged" children adopter

Answer 1

I am so sickened and sad about this that I can not even comment.

This person that wrote to you has a heart the size of a pea.  May the Lord open their eyes.  All children are gifts and NO children are "damaged."

Answer 2

No the child is not damaged. I think it is appalling that some think that a person (any person child or adult) with a disability is damaged. This is the type of person you have to almost feel sorry for, as they don't understand how precious life is. And they don't have any idea how much joy and love these children can bring to our lives. I used to work with handicapped children, it was the most rewarding job I could have ever had. Thank God not everyone thinks as this narrow mined one does. Just brush off her comments, as they are not worth you losing sleep over. She is the type of person who can't or won't be able to handle a real crisis if it ever occures in her life. Sad to think she wants to adopt so that she can pass her illogical thinking onto another. Don't let it bother you just love your little ones and cherish life.

Answer 3

I would absolutely come unglued on anybody who EVER called my child damaged.  I'm an easy going person who often just rolls my eyes or "bites my tongue" over annoying comments in general, but when it comes to my child, I will NOT be bashful about standing up for him to ANYBODY!  He is not damaged. He is my son.  He is my world!

Answer 4

With more education comes more tolerance.  The person who made that statement to you was ignorant, and disturbed.  There have been many improvements in the mental health industry since the 1500's.  Back then, they used to throw people with disabilities in asylums with straw on the floor.  Now we have sanitation, more respect and understanding of people who are not damaged, but special.  And I think children with disabilities are beautiful, courageous, and I enjoy seeing them overcome adversity.  Simple things that the ignorant person can do without a challenge, some people cannot.  What if that person who made that statement were to have a traumatic injury, leaving them helpless, I'll bet they would not want to be called names, and mistreated.  That is just a stupid statement.  People talk sometimes without being aware they are talking out of the wrong end of their body, their buttocks.    

I'd also like to say that I admire the people who help those with diabilities.  I see kindness, nurturing, love and effection as real human emotions that I seek to immulate.  

Hate, anger, intolerance and ignorance is what I am trying to avoid.

In a life that is uncertain, we can at least find some people that are caring enough to love selfishly.  Florance Nightengale started nursing during the Crimean war.  She is a perfect example of a human being.  She became ill herself while helping others.  In this life, their is little you can do but help others.  That is what life is about.

Answer 5

Yup

they are disgusting

Answer 6

I am sorry that you had to deal with such ignorance. I truly hope this person never makes it past the home study.

I hate to think what would happen if she gave birth to a "damaged" baby.

To answer your question, no children with handicaps are not damaged.  

Answer 7

I don't believe that children with disabilities are damaged! A person can become disabled at any time in their life. I believe that children are made disabled because those particular children are stonger than others, God believes they're strong enough to handle it.  

Answer 8

Unfortunately, that's the way they're seen by society at large.  My husband and I both grew up with severely handicapped relatives, and it has always shocked both of us how they are treated.  Society looks at them as damaged goods.  Thank goodness there are individual people within this society who see them for the human beings they are.

Answer 9

Disabilities, just the same as abilities, can come out in someone at any point in their life.  The luxury with adopted children is that sometimes the disabilities are known and adoptive parents can hit the ground running with supports and strategies in place to deal with these issues.  

Since nobody is perfect however, I guess we are all "damaged" in her mind even though she'd think (most likely) that she is the only one who is perfect.  Still, a pretty insensitive thing for anyone to say.  

Answer 10

Well I think the evidence on how some Paps truly feel could be found by looking at the extensive wait lists for "healthy" babies/toddlers. There are many kids with handicaps sitting in foster care or foreign orphanages waiting for homes but obviously are not considered desirable.    

Answer 11

Wow, that was inappropriate. That dismissive attitude toward people with disabilities is really cruel. I'm not sure why she feels in a position to judge people-- especially children-- like that.

Also, I can understand her personally not feeling able to deal with a child with special needs, but to call YOU stupid for being willing and able? Wow, that's pretty mean.

I wonder what's going to happen when her non-special-needs child turns out not to be perfect-- which WILL happen, because no one is perfect. Will she call that child "damaged" too? If she ends up adopting (or heck, giving birth to) a child who turns out to have major issues, I really worry for the future of that child. I hope she knows what she's getting herself into.

Answer 12

Another walk in the park for the trolls on this site.  If handicapped means damaged, then I guess that we are trying to adopt a damaged child!  ARG - that pisses me off!  He is not damaged - he is a boy!  I wouldn't take what they emailed you with more than a grain of salt and would toss it away as it should be!

Answer 13

No they aren't damaged.  After we adopted our child we found out that he had many problems.  That was fine to us.  God gifted us with this little miracle.  We had a man in our church at the time that kept trying to get us to 'give him back'!  I was so mad and hurt.  You know this is a child he was talking about not some "damaged merchandise" you can just return to the store you bought it from.  It gave me a lot of in sight into this mans life and family.  I'm glad you are thinking of adopting a special needs child.  Most people don't want those living little miracles!