Are foster kids considered "damaged adoptees" in the Adoptee world?

Question

I was recently speaking with another Adoptee (who had been adopted thru an agency at birth) and she was discussing some of the adoption advocacy efforts she was involved in. (I might add that these are some of the things that I too support as an adoptee). However, as soon as she found out that I was adopted from foster care, she curled up her nose and said "oh, you're one of them kids - nevermind you won't be able to help us".

I was absolutely in shock. I expected that reaction 20 years ago while I was in school. But to meet a 30+ woman who spoke to me like that now as an adult, I was dumbfounded.

So my question is...do the adoptees here feel that foster kids are "less valid" in their opinions or support when it comes to things like "adoptee rights"?

Answer 1

I'm not an adoptee, but an adoptive parent.

What you experienced was awful.  I want to tell  you that I don't look any differently at a child who was adopted from foster care, private domestic or internationally.

Please!  Children adopted, no matter how they were adopted or  how they came to be able to be adopted all have a story...that story often makes them stronger people & I'm amazed.  They also have big losses in their lives & need understanding!

Answer 2

I can't answer from the point of view of an adoptee.  I think that it was inexcusable for any adult to have treated you that way.  My only contribution comes from my own personal experience as an adoptive mother of 2 children who were adopted from foster care.  I do consider them wounded, because they are.  They both have trauma from the things that happened to them before they were placed into foster care, in addition to the usual struggles that adoptees face.  I'm sure that "damaged" is a more hurtful way to look at it.  They are wounded, and therefore, they need healing.  All adoptive parents need to understand the need for foster children and adopted children to get therapy for the trauma and the wounds they sustained.  That's my whole reason for emphasizing their "wounded" condition.  Not to label them as forever "damaged", but to educate adoptive parents to provide the healing they need.

Answer 3

I am not an adoptee but i have 5 cousins who are adopted 2 of them through foster care and 3 at birth through social services.

i feel that opinions from children/People who are adopted through foster care are more valid as if you was adopted as a baby you are not going to remember this and it is going to have less affect on you. than if you were with your Birthparents (sorry if this name insults anyone i don't know what else to use) and then was given up or taking away as children given up at birth were not wanted while they were and embryo feotus and then a baby in the womb but children who are adopted through foster care was either not wanted as a baby or child even when this person knew them or worse they were treated badly and was removed, there is also another scenario which i also think is terrible, That the parents wanted there children very much but were unable to look after them or the parents passed away and there was no family help in either situation.

therefore i think these people fully understan the beauty of adoption as they were saved from being passed from home to home or from being mistreated or unloved.

Answer 4

i'm adopted, and my parents love me.  Alot of people do that though.  They can't just judge people like that.

Answer 5

She sounds a bit crazy.  Please don't carry her statement with you and let it bring you down.  

I am glad you are working and speaking out for other adoptees.  You are obviously a wonderful, caring person.  Can't really say that about her.

Keep doing what you believe in and don't let her ruin it.

Answer 6

I consider all adoptees a bit damaged. I certainly don't think your opinion is less valid. Infact, YOU are a representation (to me) of the group of people who benefit from adoption, adoption imo is designed for people and children in your situation. ( abusive home that need to be removed and given permanency.)

I am very happy you speak up and voice your opinions. I value your insight and hope that you continue to voice yourself. Adoption should be MORE about helping children in your situation, and less about fullfilling the wants of the adopters.

I do, however think that "adoption" is such an umbrella that it could benefit all of the adoptees posting here to be much more specific about what "type" of adoption is being discussed before the positions are taken and debated.

(eg: you may here me say "i'm against adoption" and get offended by that because in your opinion it saved your life. When infact foster care adoption is the only adoption I support and I am not against it in any way, but against all other forms )

Answer 7

I am so sorry you had this experience and can't speak for the Adoptees but I will tell you as the Mother who has adopted two children from foster care---there are People who seem to feel this way and It horrifies me....

I never would expect another adopted person to treat you that way but....after the things I have seen people say or the attitudes I have seen them take when they learn our children are siblings adopted from Foster Care---I find it disgusting but, not surprising this happened....

I am just glad it happened now and not as your were growing up... It makes me feel better that you just now got this kind of reaction because as the mother I can't believe some of the horrible attitudes people have about the children Who Did Nothing Wrong!

Someone as important as a school principal could make a remark such as, "You sure are doing a great thing for these children, so many people would just send them back>"

Somehow there are people who actually think we adopted our children in order to be "Saints" or that our children should feel so lucky we came a long and gave them half a chance.... It hurts me to the core that these people don't understand we adopted because we wanted to be parents and we decided that foster children were the children we wanted to adopt....

I am so sorry to learn that even Amoung Your Own Kind this strange and odd social judgement is there.... OMGosh.... I wish I could just give you a hug and go pick a fight with that little snit!

Answer 8

Interesting question.  I've never heard this before.  Obviously, as I wasn't adopted (from foster care or otherwise) I can't answer, but have a star for making a point I'd never considered before.  I'll be interested to read the responses.

Answer 9

ALL Adoptees are Damaged Adoptees

And no I do not think foster kids are less valid in their opinions, they have in my opinion Just had a FAR harder time of it than most adoptees who were adopted to one home only.

ETA 4 thumbs down ? wtf for

Answer 10

An adopted person is an adopted person, it doesn't matter at what age they were adopted. The only way your input would be any different is that you (meaning someone adopted from foster care not as an infant) may have had more obstacles to overcome. Having experienced what you did has probably made you more aware of some of the problems that exist within the system. Therefore your input is very valuable and very needed. She is the one who needs to open her eyes. She is probably one of those who say adopted people are "damaged". Human beings are not damaged goods. When someone is paralyzed we don't say they are damaged we say they were a victim of an accident. We who are adopted are not damaged we are victims of unfortunate circumstances. Some turn out just fine with no problems, others have obstacles that must be overcome. It takes adoptees from all walks of life  to ban together for changes to be made. Adoption is for all children infants or not to be placed into a family, there are alot of people that need to understand that. Those that only support adoption for a certain age group of children clearly do not understand adoption.

Answer 11

Ha if anything they are more valid.  Many children in foster care are truly in need of a home.  I would not consider my children less valid, although that prejudice still exists.  In fact, I think more people are supportive of our adoption because they are older children who were not given the best start in life.  They are being nurtured by many many people and are doing fine.

Answer 12

No, I don't feel that way at all.  If anything I feel the opposite, that foster kids have even more validity in their opinions since they've probably been through more hardships in their experience than I have.