Are men in the military usually like this?

Question

I’ve been dating this man for a little while now, he’s a very nice person, and we get along well. He’s extremely quiet, and only hangs out with a few guys he works with. He’s very private…and secretive…

He’s in the military, but he will never speak about what he does … I’ve asked him a few times, what it is he does exactly…And he just …gives me the same answer

“I’m a sailor”.

Also, we haven’t been together long..maybe 9 months, but already he’s been sent away once…and again next month he is leaving for 6 months, of course he’s not allowed to tell me where he’s going or anything like that…

I know he’s not lying about being in the military, but I just think its weird how he won’t tell me a single thing about what he does…I know a lot of girls who have boyfriend who are in the army, but they know where their husbands/boyfriends are being sent, and what they exactly do in the military.

Is it weird for him to be acting this way?

Answer 1

maybe it's hard for him to talk about killing people. or maybe he's not allowed to talk about it.

Answer 2

he could be a navy seal, their missions are so top secret they're not even allowed to say their full names on camera, ask him if hes a seal, its probably classified where he's going  

Answer 3

if you know for sure that he is in the military then i wouldn't be worried.  also know for sure that he doesn't have a wife on the side or anything like that (not trying to worry you just saying to make sure). he probably is just not allowed to talk about what he is doing. my husband is not allowed to tell me everything. if i ask he just goes on to another topic and i know not to bring it up again. you will start to get an understanding of what he does and what he can and can not talk about the longer you are with him without him having to say anything. it will also start to get less weird and less secretive. just support him and do not bug him about not opening up to you about that type of stuff...i am sure he probably wants to and feels bad sometimes for not being able to but that is just part of his job!

Answer 4

Depends on his specific job.  Many of us in the military have jobs of a sensitive nature -- the old "if I tell you, then I have to shoot you" kinda sensitive jobs.  And we are regularly cautioned about being too open about what we do, because there are spies out there who'd love to get that next little piece of the puzzle.

Or he may be a little embarrassed by his specific job.  

Or he may not feel comfortable enough with you yet to really open up.  Perhaps he was burned by a previous girlfriend, and is fighting the old "once bitten, twice shy" thing.

If the two of you continue to see each other, and the relationship blossoms, perhaps he'll open up some more.  But let it happen on its own time schedule, not yours.

Answer 5

If he is in a part of the military that would make his work "classified" he is not acting weird. He may be what is jokingly said an "oxy-moron" or Military Intelligence" ( I was one two, or is it two three? I always get that mixed up.) If you are going to keep dating and further your relationship, it may be something that you will have to live with until such a time that the government deems it neccesary to tell you. But, if you find out he's BSing you, kick him to the curb and run.

Answer 6

maybe he's in the CIA, wouldn't that be neat? My mom dated a guy like this not long ago, he ended up going away on a mission and hasn't come back yet and it's been quite a while.

Answer 7

There are some U.S. Navy ratings that it's difficult to talk about what one does for their job.  If his job is a IS (informatoin specialist), CT(communications tech), OT(oceanographic tech),(I know those are Navy ratings, but just examples) etc, he may not be allowed to discuss his job.  Even though I was a Navy logistics type, a few of the jobs I had included sensitive material/information and I didn't even talk to my wife about what I did in them.  She knew that I did something different from other logistics types, but being a 'Navy brat' as well as a Navy wife, she knew not to pry.

Just ask him what his rating is.  If it's one of the above, don't pry.

Answer 8

Certain people in the military have classified jobs that need to stay secret.  Your average general or admiral doesn't even tell their wives the full details of their jobs. While you may be a good person, he might be doing a classified mission and tell you about it, afterwords you go to the beauty salon and brag about what your boyfriend does.  Next thing you know, the other people in there tell their friends and now a classified mission is on the news blown out of proportion.  Or in a more realistic sense, he gives you information, you intend to keep it secret, and you get kidnapped and are forced to give up the information.

It might sound extreme or him being selfish but it is the reality of the job.  He might not actually be involved in that at all but if he is then he could face charges for giving the information to his own mother, let alone his girlfriend.  Just show him support and everything should be fine.