Are most enlisted military man/women in the same financial downward spiral or is it just him?

Question

My Navy b/f and I have been together for 3 years and have been talking about marriage since 2006. I just can’t seem to understand his financial behavior and it turns me off to the point where I do not want to be with him anymore. He has been in the US navy for 12 yrs & still struggling financially!!! At 37 y/o, he keeps crying about how much he is in a financial hole, year after year…even his mother is tired of his reckless behavior (and she knew him way before me!)

HERE ARE THE FACTS:

1-In 2006, he went to Iraq and made some $$$. He spent most of it paying off his vehicle, only to give it to his mother then buy a brand new Infinity when he got back (which he can’t keep up with the payments)

2-When he got back from deployment, the navy realized that he was overpaid during his tour and was asked to repay them, so he went into his life savings, etc

3-He always lived in the barracks until he was forced out in September 07, when he got back from deployment. He then found an apartment with a roommate and has been living there for approximately 11 months, yet he still can’t find his way

4-He took out emergency support funds from the navy to help him get by back in February 08

5-Yesterday he was crying to me telling me that he is still in a financial hole and this company is writing him for money, and the child support was not drawn from his paycheck as schedule and now he is being sued by his ex-wife, etc….

6- Now he signed up for another tour in Irag this November to see if he can “make some money to stay on top of things” and also advance his career since he has been failing his advancement exams, over and over, and over…..

Now I am totally confused because I see a pattern and I want no part of it. I am in grad school working on my PhD in 4 more years. I refuse to take on his financial irresponsibility and is turned off by him. Please help me understand

Answer 1

Some younger enlisted face these problems because they are new to finances and aren't used to having money.  At 37 and in for 12 years I would think he should have figured it all by now.  The Army has a service called ACS (Army Community Service) that can help people with fincial issues such as putting together a budget and financial planning.  I'm sure the Navy has something similar.  Make him go to that.

Answer 2

Just him. In fact, I know many people who have joined the military and gained better financial behaviors. Dump him and move on!

Answer 3

No, this guy is just financially irresponsible. He has failed to learn form past mistakes and blames everyone for his problems. It doesn't look like there is any light at the end of the tunnel for this guy.

Time to move on. Marry this guy and his problems become your problems. He will spend your money as easily and thoroughly as he spends his own. His being in the military has nothing to do with his financial habits.

Answer 4

It i your boyfriend.  HE doesn't know how to budget & doesn't seem to want to learn.  RUN AWAY FAST!  Most Military men & women are financially responsible because the military doesn't like debt.  This should have been drilled into him in boot camp.  

Answer 5

This man is 37 and still doesn't know how to budget? He's not going to change his ways. I'd leave now if I were you. He sounds like a leech that's going to drain you dry. Not everyone in the military has financial issues. For example, I am 23 and I own a home. Military members who are financially irresponsible are frowned upon and it will affect their career badly.

Answer 6

No, most military people are not in a downward financial spiral - it seems like your boyfriend just has No self control and no idea of responsible finances.

Personally, I would get rid of him. You shouldn't have to deal with his immature financial responsibilities and you don't want to be the one responsible when he doesn't pay his bills.

Answer 7

Sounds like it's just him.

You see young members of the military being irresponsible and missmanaging their money all the time, but if he's been in for over a decade and still can't get his act together, it's probably not going to happen.  Ever.

If you really love this guy and want to marry him, be sure to get a pre-nuptual agreement.  It's probably going to cost you a bundle up-front, but it will give you peace of mind and security for the future...and it will save you money in the long run.

Good luck!  :-)

Answer 8

i think you've a pretty good understanding already dear.  what did you call it?  a downward spiral.  perhaps i'm wrong, seems to me he needs to lay off the drugs and alcohol.

Answer 9

Its very common for lower enlisted to be broke. Which is why pawn shops thrive in military towns. As far as him being in 12 years and having that problem......is rather uncommon....

Answer 10

Most enlisted people are financially responsible. Especially people that are on their second or third enlistment. I would expect this from someone on their first enlistment, but he is a senior Petty Officer and definitely knows better.

I can look in my crystal ball and see nothing but financial grief if you stay together with him. Believe me people like that never change.

The Chief recommends you drop this guy like a hot rock. He will never change and only drag you down with his financial irresponsibility.

Answer 11

Your answer is obvious...

NO.    It's not the military or people in it.

It's just him.   Have him place one hand on either side of his gludial cleft and apply firm pressure till he sees light and hears a popping sound.

Answer 12

Nope it's just him. There are younger enlisted who have issues with their finances but that is because they buy way too much, eventually they learn this and grow out of it... he obviously has not. Don't get me wrong some people are bad with money, if my hubby controlled our finances... LOL But he has the sense to know that and has taken classes and read books and has asked me to help, so everything we do is a joint decision but for the most part I make the long term plans. If I were bad I would expect it to be the other way around. That's what a marriage is knowing each others weaknesses and strengths. Your bf obviously doesn't know his and doesn't seem like he would be a good person to partner forever with.

Answer 13

It's not military people or enlisted only.  It's him.  He can't or won't manage his finances.  You're seeing this, his mom has seen this, his ex has seen this, his child will eventually see this, and it sounds like the Navy is seeing this, too.

After 12 years in the service, he should have learned how to manage his finances on a guaranteed income.  He hasn't, or he won't.  That tells me that he won't change.  If you marry him, go into the marriage knowing that unless you keep him on a short leash financially, this guy will drag you into a financial hole.

Personally, unless you will get a Ph.D in something that will make you a millionaire in just a few years, I suggest you cut your losses, and move on.  He won't change.

Answer 14

DON"T MARRY HIM!!!

He cries over his money problems and calls his mom? Are you kidding me? He needs to grow a pair!!

Break up with him now. Find a man who is financially stable!! Please!

You need to focus on yourself and getting your degree. His problems are not yours, do not let them become yours by marrying him!!

Answer 15

If you have seen this from the beginning why are you still with him?  Do you believe that you can make him see the light and change? because you can't, he is the only person that can decide whether or not he is going to get his butt into gear and make a difference.  Does he realize that because of this debt and financial problems his security clearance can be revoked and he could in fact be kicked out of the military.   If he doesn't advance soon if he is E5 then he will hit his High Year Tenure and be separated.  

What you have to do is sit down and honestly think about the relationship.  Decide what is more important your life or his debt? because obviously this is a problem that has been going on for a long time and someone or something has always bailed him out.  well that will soon stop and if you together during that time then you are going to be brought down with him.   His ex-wife and mother obviously feel the same way and have moved on with their lives.  That is something you need to do as well.  

What he needs to do is make an immediate appointment with his Financial counselor at the command (every one should have one) or go to http://www.militaryonesource.com and seek help there.   Both can help him but that is it, he has to do the rest himself.

Answer 16

You seem to be a women of intelligence....Ii's HIM baby girl.  This man is a loser, I hope to god he is not in a position of authority..even though I was in the Army I've seen men like him drag down women with them, all because he has the gift of gab (smooth talker) and ladies stick with them 'til its too late...how much cash have YOU given him over the years..and he is going back to Iraq just to make a few extra $$$$..that is an insult to the men and women who serve.  Let me guess he is probably NOT a navy corpsman attached to a foward Marine recon unit is he..

Answer 17

Well it sounds to me like youve allready made your mind up

if you cant stand his financial coruptness and his whining about what he knows to be mistakes, and he does them anyways, then its time to let go of him

unless there is a big reason that you are total devoted to him, then its just a big waste of time, when you could allready have found someone that can and will be there

I myself am about to go into the army, as a missile launcher

Im pretty shure that it pays well

and my sis just went in to the navy boot camp

and im very shure that shell be well off

so i dont understand (except for the reckless buying habits) why hes in debt

either hes lying or has just had a bad debt streak from a young age

that and you need to worry about yourself too

if your getting your PhD then you yourself are going to need the money to suport that

thats all i got for now

but if you want to ask anything else

then e-mail me

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