Are most married women "just the girl who married the son"?

Question

A friend and I were having a conversation the other day, and she mentioned that regarding mother-in-laws "most women are just the girl who married their son" meaning the sole interest the mother-in-laws had in their daughter-in-laws' importance was based on "whether or not they were good for their son".

I found that interesting. How do you feel about such a statement?

Answer 1

In the case of my mil yes it is completely accurate. I was not good enough even tho she has a terrible relationship with him. She had no interest whatsoever as to who I was. I spent 6 years bending over backwards to please her, get her the bday gifts and xmas and mothers day presents, remind her son which day it was for her bday etc. It went unnoticed considering that he never bought her anything prior to our getting to getting and didn't visit until I was in the picture.

The relationship is non existent now, bc her hatred of me poured down to our two kids and when the death of our son went unnoticed by the family-I drew the cards back and haven't spoken in four years.

There are others I've seen who completely embrace the dil or sil and I'm envious of those who can manage such a wonderful relationship.

Answer 2

It is said that there is some truth in generalizations but that generalizations miss other truths.

If my son were to find a girl to marry, I would encourage him to find one that has similar goals. One that that is kind and mature and willing to enter marriage as a partnership. Yes, I would want her to be good for him. BUT it is equally important that he be good for her.

Why? If you aren't good for someone then things will go sour later. It is mutual. When my son marries, I want to have a new daughter. I want a woman that likes the family and makes my son very very happy.

Thats fair. If I had a daughter, I would want her to marry someone that loves her enough to give her all her dreams of a spouse. Not money, just what she needs- support and love.

Answer 3

I've been in relationships and had awesome relationships with the guy's mother...and then, there's hubby's mother!  She HATES my GUUUUTTTSSS!!  She wouldn't pee in my ear if I were on fire!!  I mean that literally, it's not a euphemism!!  Every mother is like every woman...they're all different!  My mother loves her DILs and looks at them as wonderful extensions to our family.  And then...there's MY MIL!  My mother's MIL is just like my MIL!!  Daddy's MIL and FIL thought of him as one of their sons.  In fact, when Papow died, Daddy said his daddy died.  (He wasn't too close with his own parents.)

Ever hear the expression:  Don't judge a book by it's cover?  Well, apply that to MILs.  Don't judge one by another!  There are good ones and there are bad ones.  I'd suggest meeting the guy's mother ASAP!  If she seems like a h**l-cat, head for the hills!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  lol

God's blessings on you and yours...Always!

Answer 4

My mom doesn't think much of my wife but that's because she has been a bad one. But she never gets into our business and she is polite to her when she used to see her.  

Answer 5

Yes.  As most Men are "just the guy who married the daughter".

Most parents tend to think that way.  Wouldn't you want to know that the prson your child married is "good" for them?  After all, you spent many years raising them to your standards!  

Answer 6

I'm part of my MIL's family. I'm not an in-law. I am just family.

Guess I lucked out in MIL's!

Answer 7

Personally, I don't care what his mother thinks of me. My heart is open to her but I am not a rug-mat that she can step on. My man doesn't let her control him and neither do I. We put our foot down if she ever crosses the line. And I think she "gets it" now because she's been REALLY nice to him and we know she means well. If you don't give in, the in-laws will change. You can't go wrong if your really meant for each other.

Answer 8

my mother in law is awesome. we get along great and she treats my daughter from a previous marriage as her own grandchild. i consider myself very fortunate. i have heard mother in law horror stories!!

Answer 9

I have 3 ex MIL's.   The first was shy, and didn't interfere in her kids lives.  I have no idea what she thought of me.

#2:  said I was a w***e.........I was a divorceee, taking away her sweet baby!

#3:  hated me.  I thought her and I had alot in common!  she had been married 3 times also, and also had 4 children!   BUT I wasn't good enough, because I spoke my mind, just like she did! :-)  

I think it takes a good woman to make a good MIL.  ( not too many huh)?

Like me.........I adore my oldest son's gf.  She BETTER be my dil someday!  They have been together 6 years.

My youngest son, I"m not sure about his 5 year relationship, her and I had our down fall, when I threatened her with statatory rape. ( :-))  But their in love  so  it's I who has to deal if they do marry. It's his life, his love. I made my choices, so my kids have a right to make theirs too.

Answer 10

It depend on who you are dealing with,my mother in-law is so kind she calls me daughter and she treat me as one.

Answer 11

Sounds to me like the DIL is unimportant in the grand scheme of things. A babymaker to the MIL's grandchildren. Generally speaking.

Answer 12

completely accurate!

Answer 13

i know my mother-in-law thinks of me as one of her kids. she calls me her daughter not daughter-in-law  

Answer 14

yeah i dont make it a point to chill with my parents in law at all