Are my habits psychological? Are they from my bad childhood?

Question

When I was 9 years old, my father set our house on fire while we were sleeping because he thought my mom was being unfaithful. He shot himself in the face as the house burned around him. I tried to get out of the house with my 8 year old brother, but I left him for a second a couldn't find him again. My whole family died and I was left all alone at a very young age.

8 years later, I began sleeping with as many girls as I possibly could for many years. I also became an alcoholic at age 19, which I got over earlier this year.

Could my problems as a young adult stem from my family tragedy 15 years ago? If so, can you explain how?

I miss my little brother.

Answer 1

Bro, I am so sorry to hear that story, that really sux...

Only thing I can honestly say to you is, keep your head up, and stop blaming yourself, it wasn't your fault, it was your fathers ...

Sh*t happens ...

Heres a song, Everlast - What its like...

Answer 2

feel sorry for your little brother...

i'm not sure if by thinking the past destined today, and today destined the future... however i do agree they are affecting one another in a way that one seldom understand...

alcohol probably the results of you for feeling guilty about your brother and hatred over your parents... try to make a decision to forgive your parents and forgiving yourself...

i hope this helps... take care

Answer 3

it seems like your father had  lot of psychological problems

as for you,  i think this stems deeper than just that....i think you may need proffessional help

Answer 4

I can't even begin to tell you how proud of you I am. You are surly the definition of a survivor. And you beat alcoholism also. You must be one of the strongest men I have ever met.

I wish you would talk with a therapist, you must be dealing with PTSD. I have many questions I would like to ask you but of course that is impossible here. Are you now or have you ever attended AA ? It would be of tremendous benefit to you at the point in your recovery. I really am at a lost as to what to say, however would like you to know you have my admiration, and respect. All my best to you and do take care of yourself.  

Answer 5

Hi,

i am terribly sorry for you.

you went through an incredible tragedy.  i can't believe that no one thought to enroll you in some counseling to help you learn to cope with your feelings, to help you get grounded, feel safe.

of course your issues are related.  

how?  well, i'm sure other people could put it better, but you suffered a tremendous loss.  you lost your whole family.  have you ever really truly taken the time out to really experience your grief, the loss, and the possible guilt that you may feel for having lost sight of your brother - that even though it wasn't your fault that you could still have unresolved feelings of responsibility.  you were just a little fellow yourself, who had no way to know how to cope with all of this, and no parents to help you.  hopefully, you were somewhere safe and happy, and they tried their best.

not knowing how to deal with negative feelings - especially when we haven't really identified them - can lead us to seek ways of numbing, self-medicating to help mask the nagging underlying pain that we aren't actively or consciously feeling.  so, people drink to escape the pain.  they may not think they are in any pain, think that they are over whatever it isn't.  they aren't suffering about anything... they're fine.  and yet, they drink or do drugs.  to escape.  

sleeping with many girls could stem from different motivations.  a need for self-gratification.  a different kind of self-medicating/distraction from the pain.  something related to the child inside that has the knowledge that daddy thought mommy was unfaithful and burned the house down - a latent disrespect for women.  a selfishness related in some way to all of this.  you may have been engaging in risky behaviors as a form of self-abuse.  not having a sense of self-worth and self-preservation.  it's hard to pinpoint from over here, you need to find out for yourself.

i suggest you seek some counseling to help you come to terms with the tragedy and any feelings that may be unresolved about it.

perhaps, you have stopped using women and substances and feel well-balanced in your life and have a really healthy sense of well-being and know how to cope with things in your life without resorting to abusing yourself or other people.

but, don't underestimate the power of what you went through and the hold it may still have on you that is far more profound than you may realize.  it wouldn't hurt to explore yourself a bit and do what you can to clear the air inside your head and heart so that you may be able to live a happy and healthy life.

Best Wishes