Are my mate and I being taken for granted?

Question

We don't have kids and my mate has a brother who lives in an adjacent state. He and his family (or sometimes just he) will call a day before and say he's coming in and everyone's gonna get together (family stuff). But sometimes the plans are not firm until the same morning! And that drives me batty because there is nothing I dislike more than waiting for the phone to ring. I do not believe that plans cannot be firmed up days ahead of time. I think that it's a matter of respecting other people's lives and time. And knowing that people make plans. I feel like we are being treated like we have nothing going on and can just drop everything at the spur of the moment. I didn't go to one breakfast because of this nonsense. I didn't want to sit there and wait for the phone to ring. They weren't even sure they were gonna be able to do it anyhow.

Answer 1

i don't think they are walking on you with their lack of firm planning!  they are up in the air with there plans!  There for you shouldn't be so comidating to them!  if they call you sunday morning and they are inviting themselves tell them you have other plans or what not don't sit and wait!  if something better comes along maybe your "brother" will learn to make soild plans!

Answer 2

Not everyone in this world are organizers and planners.  Don't dwell so much on the fact of the details and instead take the time to enjoy the family.  If you already have plans that day, then do them, but you are just going to have to realize this is how your hunny's family does things!

Answer 3

Next time they call say simply  "Gee if you could just give me some more notice I would be able to go, do me a favor next time give me a day or two notice OK?

Best of luck

Answer 4

I wouldn't put up with it anymore.  If the two brothers want to go out to breakfast and do whatever, fine.  You can just sleep in and enjoy your day off.  This sounds like someone being stood up time and time again by a relative, but the whole "it's up in the air" planning ahead of time is a cop-out so they don't get in trouble if plans fall through.

Answer 5

I know what you mean that drives me crazy....let me just set aside all my plans because you MIGHT come over ughh. But this usually happens to me with my boyfriend. With your inlaws I dont think they actually realize they are imposing or being rude. His family is probably more sponataneous like that but you need to tell your "mate" how you feel and maybe he can be more firm with them or the next time the fam trys to make lose plans tell them that you need an answer inorder to organize what you have planned for the day.

But I get you..I dont think they are purposly trying to insult how active your lives are tho...goodluck with that

Answer 6

Well does your mate feel this way too? If yes, then the nest time they call tell them you are sorry but you have plans that can't be changed. People will walk over you only as much as you will let them! I think the best thing to do is sit down and talk to your mate and find out how they feel and go from there! If they don't feel the same try and show how it is making you feel. If you dont like last minute things say it! Being open and honest with everyone even the family that comes can be the best thing. (even if they don't like what you say)