Are my stage directions and dialogue good?

Question

Well at the moment (at school) we are taking myths from Ancient Greece and turning them into scripts. My group chose Odysseus and the Cyclops, and we now have to write our own scripts. Here is some dialogue and stage directions from my first scene.

Daedalus: (Begins shuffling feet, speaking quietly and nervously) Um sir…? (Clears throat and speaks louder and with more confidence) Sir?

Odysseus: (Speaking in an irritated voice, waving hands at Daedalus) What is it now?

Daedalus: (Clearing throat again, looking timidly at feet and talking

quietly)

Surely we should pay our respects to Poseidon before returning home to Ithaca? I feel we are doing him a great disservice by ignoring his contribution to the war. We do not want to anger the gods. (Looks up at Odysseus as he finishes speaking)

Daedalus is Odysseus's man. Just tell me if the dialogue and the stage directions seem alright. By the way, it isn't formatted like that, the computer just made it look a little strange. The reason why I'm asking is that our English teacher never tells us whether our work is well written etc.

Answer 1

WELL I'M  GLAD IT ISN'T FORMATTED LIKE THAT - BUT IT SOUNDS QUITE GOOD. YOU WRITE LIKE A DIRECTOR - LIKE YOU HAVE A VERY,. VERY CLEAR VISION OF WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE AND HEAR ONSTAGE. I HOPE YOU GET TO DIRECT YOUR WORK - IT IS QUITE A THRILL TO SEE AND HEAR YOUR OWN WORDS ONSTAGE!

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 2

i think it's fine however stage directions and directing period are two different things. stage directions are very simply, the specific movements on stage, usually defined by where you need the character to move. as far as a script, if you handed this to an actor, they have no where to go as far their interpretation is concerned and you've completely set them up for acting with indicators instead of being motivated by their characters. it could also be a directors script; your analysis of what you would like to see performed by your actors.

what i would suggest, is stick with the directional movements for your script. example:

Daedalus: Um, sir....? (crosses DS)

Odysseus: What is is now?

Daedalus: (crossing SL to Odysseus) Surely we should pay our respects to Poseidon before returning home to Ithaca? I feel we are doing him a great disservice by ignoring his contribution to the war. (kneels). We do not want to anger the gods.

those are stage directions (i was just using specific directions as an example - you obviously would know where they are oriented on stage better than i). when you start using key descriptive words (timidly, quietly, more confidenct) these are choices the actors are responsible. the director can direct them towards the specifics of their choices but if you're looking for accuracy within your script....i'm merely saying it because you don't have stage directions in this script so you're misusing the term slightly. those are more director/actor intentions about character motivation. if you're trying to set up specific stage directions, stick with strict movement directions. if you want to add those additional character things, keep them seperated from your stage directions. sorry if this was too picky. good luck!

Answer 3

Yeah. It sounds good. Except I'm not sure what you mean when he *waves hands*. But otherwise, well written.

=]

Answer 4

You don't need a director.  You've done everything.  Direction is part of speech, (how the sentence is structured) not added to speech. If you want to know if it is well written, repeat it ALOUD, to yourself,  XYZ times, until it sounds right.

Peace.