Question:

Are religious differences a big deal in foster care?

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We're Jewish, keep kosher, Sabbath, etc.

Most foster kids in NYC/Brooklyn are African-American/Latino and Catholic/Protestant - is that a big deal?

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  1. Put yourself in their position.  Would you want to celebrate only Christian holidays being a Jew.  Would you want to watch those Charlton Heston films every easter.

    Fortunately in my house my Jewish fiance is as non religious as I am, so its not an issue. He prefers Christmas over Chanuka because he wants one or two good gift instead of 7 or 8 crappy ones.

    If your willing to celebrate all holidays, I don't see a problem.

    I have many Jewish friends that would make great parents. They are more open minded then the Christian zealots. Incorporating your belief into their lives is beneficial but just keep it real. You know..no matter how much "chicken in the pot" they eat, they are not considered real Jews.


  2. Generally, you would be expected to respect the religious beliefs of the foster kids.  If they're Catholic, take them to mass - find a Catholic family to "foster" their religious beliefs.  Don't push Judiasm on the kids.  But it's generally not a huge deal unless you're going to force the kids into being kosher Jewish.

    Some of your beliefs they would also have to respect - like the kosher diet.  They don't have to believe what you do, but you also shouldn't have to fix them a meal that's against your beliefs.

    Wow, does that even make sense?

  3. A few points to consider:

    1.  You don't want to speak their language (as evidenced by another question).  You don't want to hear about how they might feel left out if their foster carers choose not to speak a language they will understand.  RED FLAG!

    2.  You don't want to have a Christmas tree (or apparently any other religious symbols other than your own) in order to support your foster child in his/her chosen religion.  RED FLAG!!

    3.  You've got a HORRIBLE attitude, as evidenced by this question, and your last one, in which you call out TWO former foster kids with really rude, nasty comments.  RED FLAG!!!

    Please, PLEASE do not become a foster parent.  Foster kids need love and understanding.  I don't see you having the ability to provide that.

  4. From my personal experience....

    My bio-parents did not show me any religion.  I then had MANY foster homes and some were "religious" and some were not.  When I was younger, if the foster parents were religious, I was required to attend church with them.  I had one family that was very catholic and saw more church that 6 months than my whole life.  Also I was required to attend CCD (Sunday School) and other religious youth things.  I really did not have a choice.  They expected it.  But I was younger and did not really know any better...I thought it was part of a normal family.

    When I became a teenager, my foster parents let me decide if I wanted to participate in religious activities.  This happened when I was about 14.  So as a teenager, I choose not to participate in anything religious.

    Some homes had no religious requirements.

    So, when I was young, I did what I was told.  When I was older, I did what I wanted.

    Thus, it depends on the child's age.  And it might be difficult at first for a child who never lived that way to live "your way."  But they can learn.  However, I don't think it is fair to force it on them all at once.  Develop it over time.  

    Being a foster parent is also about ACCEPTING the child and their views and their history.  For example, I had a foster parent ask me if there was anything special I did at Christmas.  There wasn't, but the foster family was trying to incorporate my past with theirs.  That is the best.

    This is NOT your child yet (or ever).  So, you need to respect them and their upbringing as well.  You might get a Catholic child who wants to continue in a Catholic church.  You must be accepting of that.

    I doubt you would get many Jewish children all the time.  You could request them, but you might not get too many.  I don't remember any Jewish children at all in 11 years of foster care.

    If you are not willing to be accepting of children's other beliefs and viewpoints, you might not want to foster.  Because it really is about understanding and teaching.

    ======================

    EDITED:

    I really think you should forget about fostering.  You do not seem to be very willing to be accepting of differences that the children bring.  They are NOT your children and they may go back to their bio-parents.  If you are not willing to accept them as they are, how can you expect them to accept you???

    Being a foster kid is SOOOOOOOOO hard.  By you not willing to be accepting is going to be a disaster.  I suggest you find something else to do, because these children are not easily "moldable."  They have had horrendus lives and need love, caring, understanding, support, and ACCEPTANCE for who they are.

    ==========================

    EDIT2:

    You are the one asking and making it sound as if you only want to accept your customs:  ie "the Christmas tree" thing that you said.  Look, I am looking out for the children.  And since I was one, I can tell you I know what a good and bad foster home is.  One where a child is FORCED to do anything is bad.  One that does not ACCEPT the child and his/her beliefs or views is bad.  

    You want to foster a child who might be "Christian" but not celebrate X-mas.  How accepting is that?????  Or even if they are not Christian, most kids want a Christmas or presents.

    And like I said, I did not meet any Jewish foster children in 11 YEARS of being a foster child.  They are probably VERY RARE, so you are bound to get other beliefs.

    Tell me not to answer your questions, fine, but I have probably the MOST insight into all this c**p.  And you know what, just by saying something in effect "do we have to put up a x-mas tree or whatever" pretty much shows that you are not willing to be flexible.

    These kids come from backgrounds you can't even BEGIN TO IMAGINE.  It is a HUGE difference to give a child an opportunity to participate in your lifesytle versus FORCING your lifestyle on them.  They have already been FORCED to do enough in their young lives.  Part of being a foster parent is ACCEPTING them for who and what they are....faults, religion, non-religion, beliefs, behaviors, etc and all.

    You don't get it lady.  Most foster kids have been forced all their lives...forced to take care of thei drug-addicted bio-parents, forced to starve, forced into sexual acts, forced into behaving a certain way or getting the c**p kicked out of them.

    Forcing your beliefs is just another form of abuse....TEACHING your beliefs and developing a cultural awareness of a childs and yours is a blending.

    Stop asking questions if you don't want the real answers, because lady, if you have not read my stuff, then you should know~ I GIVE THE REAL AND THE TRUTH.

  5. No. My foster brothers are from Catholic families, and they don't have any problems living with a Jewish family. We're shomer too, and for holidays - Christmas/Easter - they go to a friend's house to celebrate. There are so many abusive parents in NYC who just do it for the money that a good person of a different religion won't have any problems. Also CPS does not ask questions about religion, just employment/criminal history/experience with children/etc

  6. Religious differences are only a big deal if you make it a big deal.

    "I mean, would we be expected to have a Christmas tree or whatever??"

    If you feel this way, then don't take any foster kids. Most foster kids are down enough with out you denying them their holidays.

    If you want people to respect your religious beliefs, you have to respect theirs.

  7. Because foster children generally are still legally their parents children, social services must adhere to the parents as to what religion the parents would want the child to be involved in. Many parents don't specify, and those children can be placed in any home that is a good fit...as can children who's parental rights have already been terminated. The only problem would be for children who are still legally connected to their parents and their parents insisted on a Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, etc home. In that case, you wouldn't be selected.  

  8. I don't think so, places like Catholic Charities just want children to be placed in good, permanent homes. They also usually base it on your salary so they aren't that expensive. I think the only thing they really look at is they want the children to have their own rooms. I hope you all get a child!!

  9. This is intresting, because the most usual thing for latino/hispanic is a set of strict catholic belief, but as NYC is a multi-cultural capital the strictness flows off a bit. Firstly, as far as I'm concerned, the catholic religion & protestant  as to home practices is fairly small (and also christian). There's no food limits, there isn't a very stict dresscode. All you should do is respect your kids choice. If your kid would like to do the ceremonies, then respect their choice. All you would have to do is take your kid for proper preparation in the local church and if ur kid would like to go to mass. And well, praying in his room which is fairly quiet.

    Your kid might find Sabbath intresting at first. I have a jewish friend, and I spend Sabbath with her. She asked about it and I didn't know what to answer. (This kind of questions should be avoided, at  least at first). So, you should respect his or her choice to participate.

    Hannukah and Christmas. Let's say, you can get several presents. Would you turn them down?. I think that what really is significant in Christmas is Jesus' birth. The christmas tree and Santa have made the actual meaning of christmas be lost, so I think there's no harm in celebrating Hannukah and Christmas because these are celebrated in school anyhow. Plus, he might ask for a christmas tree.

    I don't know a lot about Passaj, (how do u spell it) but I guess this type of holliday won't matter. For the other hollidays, like Jewish New Year, your kid can choose weather not to participate religiously, but persay if there's gonna be a feast-type meal, he might wanna participate and if there's jewish praying they might not.

    So, so far just let the kid choose what he wants to do.

    I recomend you see the friends episode 'The One with the Holiday Armadilo'. Season 7. Might give you some ideas! (Ex. Monica and Ross are jewish, but they exchange presents and have a christmas tree in a christian sort of way. You can see it in Youtube (or at least parts)  

  10. Well I don't have experience in this but I would say as long as you give them a loving environment, it shouldn't matter all that much. Just educate them about your beliefs, but don't force it on them. And depending on how old they are, they could even go to their own church if they wanted to.

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